Beautiful stranger.

Sigh. I’m sitting in my room waiting for Zack to find his other sandal…he and my mom are tearing the room apart because my mom wanted to go to the park. Now my mom is yelling because the room is a mess. Don’t you just love my family? What else is new with me? I didn’t go to school today because I woke up and my mom was like “come to the park with us Andrew”. I told her I had class and she was like “no. come to the park”…how can I disagree with that? Last night Fran came over. We chilled for a little then decided that we were in the mood for slurpees. We walk into 7 11 and saw Brittany and Dave…it was…weird. I didn’t expect to see them at 7 11 at almost midnight. We chatted for a little, then they had to leave for their “half and hour goodbye”. I casually threw in that Brittany and I sometimes take three hours then left. We got back to my house and I cut Frans hair…I mean I cuuut it. You know the movie Rosemary’s Baby? Well, picture her hair only a little longer. I think it looked cute. It’s very British, very 60’s, very mod. We then decided that we wanted to lighten it so Andrew took out his Bleach and worked it. *snap snap* Fran now has short, light blonde hair. She wouldn’t look at it until she got home (which I guess is a good thing because I would have felt horrible if she hated it and started crying) I waited for her text and then went to bed. I think she’s doing it red today…it’ll look even cuter.
I still can’t find my camera. I tried looking for it again last night, but no luck. I don’t get it. Someone must have come into my room and stole it from me. That’s the only explanation. I want Mcdonalds. No, that’s a lie; I want a salad.
I’ve been having typing dyslexia. I can’t hit the right keys these past few days. Craaazaaay. Before, I kept spelling decided as secide… I’m all fucked up from these drugs =).

Part two:
Okay, well I just got home from the park, and the library (I needed to get a book for my English class). My mom treated us to Ralphs, and it was super yummy. I got nutella and coconut., my favorite. Hmm…what else is new? That’s about it. Peace.

don't judge me. please.

I’m in this indescribable kind of mood. It’s a mix between being depressed and being angry with a dash of freaking out. I’ve been in such a cuddly mood ALL WEEK and it sucks because Brittany’s busy doing school stuff and I haven’t seen her a lot this week. Major sad face. I can’t find my camera. I have no clue what I did with it. How the hell did I lose a hot pink camera? I guess I’m just really really stupid. You know what, I’m not. I think I should start telling myself something nice everyday. I’m getting really sick of always thinking I’m doing something wrong, or over thinking things. And I hate the fact that I can’t say no. I’m a sucker, a doormat, everyone’s bitch. You don’t know how many times I told someone I’d do something but I’m really kicking myself in the ass because my dad was ruined. I’ve covered for everyone at work and I know they appreciate it, I know they do, but it means that I won’t have a day off to myself. And when I do have a day to myself it never goes right; either something comes up and the person I made plans with can’t make it, or I have school, or I’m being told to do something at home. I can never just have a Andrew day. I don’t think I’ve done nothing all day in a very long time. This is excluding last Friday where I stayed in bed all day because I was sick. That doesn’t count. I would have preferred to be hanging out with Brittany (who was probably busy that morning) or just watching TV by myself then be sick. Last Saturday I was scheduled off. All day, but unfortunately Sam had to babysit so I worked her 3-9:30. Brittany was mad at me for telling her I would work it because she said “once again I was treated like a doormat” but I felt really bad because Sam’s been really busy with work and school and her daycare job but I guess Brittany was right, I did agree to do something that I didn’t really want to do. I don’t know. I can’t help it. That’s the way I am.

Fran and I talked today. It was nice to say things that I was kind of holding in. If I didn’t say anything to Fran, I would have said it to Linda at work because I was ranting to her and some of it came out and what we talked about has been really bothering me this past week. And a few weeks every few months. I have this habit of holding the things in that really bother me. The little stuff that I can and should hold in I have no problem saying but the big things stayed bottled up inside me waiting to be released. Today it happened. I must have sounded really insecure and childish but I can’t help it. I over think everything. I know I shouldn’t but I’ve always done it. All my life I’ve worried about what others are thinking. The funny thing is it has nothing to do with looks or anything. I don’t care how people think I look. I’ll wear what I want and I’ll wear it proud, but it’s opening up my mouth that’s the problem. Sometimes I get really insecure about what I say, how it comes out, what I sound like. I hate my voice; I hate that it’s kind of high and annoying. I hate hearing what I sound like on the phone, and I hate watching videos of myself. The other night Fran played back a video I made back in December and I nitpicked at myself, in my head, the entire time. The funny thing is I love myself. I have really high self esteem, I just get insecure when it comes to my voice or thoughts. I’m a severe over thinker. I get paranoid really easy. I’ll text someone and I’ll keep checking my phone every thirty seconds until I get a response back. Even when I say goodbye to someone I’ll keep the phone at my side just incase they decide to text me again. And I get really paranoid when people don’t call or text me back. I start thinking that they hate me, or they’re ignoring me. I have this fear of being secretly hated by the people I like. I sometimes find myself thinking about if people talk about me behind my back. I don’t know why I do this. I think it’s because growing up, in middle school I was always picked on. No matter what I did, it was wrong. No matter how I dressed, it was wrong, weird, stupid. I was always the kid who wore something months before it was in style. I started using a messenger bag in sixth grade and I got made fun of because these two guys called it a purse and picked on me the entire time I used it. I was never the popular kid. I had my own group of friends and that was it. In this group though, I liked to take control and always saw myself as the leader. This was until high school. High school I liked, I was able to be myself, thank god. And college is even better but there is still that “I think everyone hates me” fear deep down inside me. Meep. I don’t know.

Elibs 1.

One night I was riding my Penis it was so FUCK ME! ! When we got back to the bathroom I took off my pastes because I was so horny , soo horny that I turned on the toaster . Just hearing that grunt made me feel thrust I couldn't control myself from going out and licking my whole nirvana over and over again, but just as I was about to tease Britney Spears I woke up in a pile of whipped cream and I realized that it was a sexy concert of Nirvana I screamed PUT IT IN! ! Then I the big O my pants and found a photo of yo mama along with Coke . That Is why I was OH MY GOD! ! I said aloud that is when police came and arrested me... The End??? Or Was IT???

Elibs 2.

As you were walking down the hall, Frances Veryhorny started to yell panty stain you were so embarrassed that you accidently ran into Mr. Clean he was so grossed out because you had a big booger on your Vagina he started laughing and yelling your gay! you were so embarassed that you wanted to go hide at the back seat of Mr. Clean's car. . Everyone started yelling panty stain then Mrs. Chokeoncock came down and started tickler and thigh highs you. Then everyone jumped on you doing the same thing. You were so mortified that you started to caress your earlobe That was the worst day of school ever

Elibs 3

one day, a little sexual kid asked his mother, Mommy, what does bastard mean? and his mother replies, a bastard is a adult phone line opperater . Then the boy asked, Mommy, what does F**king mean? and the mother replies It means suck . You know, like pinch a yo mama out . Then, the boy asked his very ugly mother, Mommy, what does seducing mean? and his mother replies it means to drink bleach . Then one day the adult phone line opperater came to the door and the kid answered. Why hello, adult phone line opperater Bastard! Daddy's in the bedroom seducing my sister, and mommy's in the kitchen, f**king the yo mama

me rambling on.

londonlustpw21: OMG
omg andrewsaurus: what?
londonlustpw21: ANDREWSAURUS
omg andrewsaurus: oooh...
omg andrewsaurus: that's cool.
londonlustpw21: yea, i was reminding you of your s/n
londonlustpw21: just in case you forgot
omg andrewsaurus: you know, you have a very special gift of interrupting people at the worst times.
omg andrewsaurus: =)
londonlustpw21: online sex?
omg andrewsaurus: I was just going to leave.
londonlustpw21: that's always fun
londonlustpw21: oh, so fuck her and leave
londonlustpw21: nice job, bucko
omg andrewsaurus: lol.
omg andrewsaurus: nooooo silly.
omg andrewsaurus: I have a headache.
omg andrewsaurus: and i was going to watch some Reno 911. maybe. and go to sleep because i had a horrible day at work...*gag*
londonlustpw21: so you didnt' orgasm yet?
londonlustpw21: uh oh...
londonlustpw21: what happened senor?
omg andrewsaurus: nothing really.
omg andrewsaurus: my nose was all stuffy
omg andrewsaurus: so everytime I bent down it felt like a ton of bricks were smashing me in the head
omg andrewsaurus: my head hurt all day.
omg andrewsaurus: I made 9 sections today.
omg andrewsaurus: ROAR!
omg andrewsaurus: and EVERY customer that came in today was RETARDED!!!
londonlustpw21: haha
londonlustpw21: were they wearing helmets?
omg andrewsaurus: I seriously wanted to kill them.
omg andrewsaurus: no. but they should have.
omg andrewsaurus: NOONE can read. EVERYONE has a comment to make. NOT ONE PERSON can put anything away.
omg andrewsaurus: every customer that came in I was talking back to them (under my breathe)
londonlustpw21: sounds like you need a week off
londonlustpw21: =
londonlustpw21: =/*
omg andrewsaurus: like this one Fat balding woman came in and wanted glow in the dark yoyo balls but we didn't have glow in the dark ones so she didn't buy them...then she wanted something else but didn't buy it. so as a joke she said "i'll be back"...and dave said "okay" then she laughed and said "and you better have what I need" and I was this close *holds up thumb and pointer finger* to yell "You mean hair plugs and weightwatchers"?
omg andrewsaurus: I had to stop myself.
londonlustpw21: lmfao
londonlustpw21: sounds close
londonlustpw21: haha
omg andrewsaurus: then there was a boy and his mom who were looking for Sonic stuff but ALL WE CARRY IS THE FUCKING ACTION FIGURES!!!! but this ass hole needed to ask dave if we had puzzles. Dave, asks me (because I know more than him ;] ) I tell them no. then I'm ringing someone up and the pair of them come over and ask if we have Sonic dolls. again, I tell them that we only sell the action figures. theeen!!!! he looks at cards. he picks up a pack of wrestling cards that come with a dog tag...it says "Comes with one dog tag and one car" ON THE FUCKING COVER and the kid needs to ask me if there is a dog tag in there. then he asks if we have sonic cards. THEN he needed more wrestling cards but we didn't have any more.
omg andrewsaurus: so he buys the two packs and throws the goddamn sonic figure that he had in his hand on the ground.
omg andrewsaurus: THEN!!!! this one's my favorite.
omg andrewsaurus: :
londonlustpw21: =/
londonlustpw21: oh boyyy
londonlustpw21: meep
londonlustpw21: i hate people
omg andrewsaurus: this couple comes in (this stupid skinny bitch and her ass hole boyfriend) and the first thing out of her mouth is "is this like the only KB still open"? and her boyfriend looks around and goes "yeah, I think so". I turned around to greet them (I'm already pissed off because one of my sections weren't coming out right) and almost screamed at them...."yeah, were the ONLY one that's still open. there isn't a store in Bayshore, or Riverhead, or Selden, or Shirley, Roseveltfield, port jeff, mastic beach, the city...etc"
omg andrewsaurus: all day Fran, ALL FUCKING DAY!
omg andrewsaurus: wooh! i just wrote a blog.
omg andrewsaurus: I'm posting this. lol.

Rebirth.

It’s blossoming, I’m blossoming
A new beginning- a new me
Change is good, but what if I don’t like it?
I’m content now, why move on?
“You have to” I tell myself
Put it away, behind you.
The flowers bloom
My old skin shed
My past poisons me like venom flowing through my veins
Go back
NO-
The grass is greener
The wind in my hair.
I miss the snow,
The ice,
No shorts-
Pants.
I’ll miss my sweaters
I need to swim
No more drowning.
It’s time to change
“you can do this”
I take a breathe
The air is clean
It fills my lungs
It’s purifying.
I take a step back
Don’t eat that!
I need to run.
So much to think about.
Will I like this?
I’m being reincarnated
Into a new me.
A healthier, happier wiser, funnier me.
I’ll smile more, laugh harder.
New people
Old friends.
Adventure is ahead.
College is my communion.
Will I like it?
I’m sure I will.
I have to.
I promised I would.
I scratch myself,
My skin reddens.
It’s raw and needs to heal.
Change is good.
I know it is.
Shut up!
Stop dreaming.
I lift myself up
Just to crash again.
I want to be smoke
Vanish into everywhere-
Everyone.
You can do it
My mind races.
One step at a time.
I jump on
The waters cold.
My body shivers.
I’ll get use to it.
Same old friends-
New faces.
I’ll learn their names
They’ll know mine.
I’m hatching
My shell is cracked.
I’m forming into a new me
I’ll do it.
I know I can
Tell yourself that.
A kiss-
Good-bye.
I’ll see you soon.
My ghost evaporates into the black.
I’m new
I’m clean.
I smile-
And take a step in.
My head above the water
I feel the air.
My eyes open.
I’m white
I’m clear
I’m a blank canvas.
Paint me
Shape me
Sculpt me.
My reinvention is complete

Poet.

I am the poet of life
Blossoming newly every day
I am the poet of song
My words interpreted multiple ways
I am the poet of color
Bright, warm, cool, and cold
I am the poet of happiness
But only to I it is truly shown
I am the poet of music
My melody dances around in your head
I am the poet of nightmare
The monster under your bed
I am the poet of fresh air
Lemon scented, refreshing, and clean
I am the poet of first love
I sparkle in your eye
I am the poet of seasons
Cold, wet, warm, and brown
I am the poet of voice
Speak it in your own way
I am the poet of creativity
Bursting under your skin
I am the poet of new moon
I howl where no one sees
I am the poet of friendship
Bright fun, tears and laughter
I am the poet of individuality
No two people are alike
I am the poet of film
Running over and repeating
I am the poet of the lost
Not around but not forgotten
I am the poet of art
Cool and unique but sometimes dark
I am the poet of elements
Earth, air, fire, water
I am the poet of zodiac
But I never find polarity
I am the poet of animal
Can’t voice what I want heard
I am the poet of sarcasm
But every word taken seriously
I am the poet of laughter
The strongest medicine of them all
I am the poet of myself
No one else can be like me

Look before you leap: The panda and the leopard

this was a fable I wrote a while ago for my creative writing class:


One day, a young panda was lying lazily in a bamboo tree when a leopard approached her.
“May I help you”? Asked the Panda
“you see that break in the road over there”? The leopard responded, jerking his head toward a split in between the road up ahead.
“Yes, I see it why”? Asked the panda
“I bet you I could get across the break more successfully than you” responded the Leopard.
“I highly doubt that” said the Panda twiddling a piece of bamboo between her fingers “I am smaller, lighter and smarter than you”
“Prove it” said the leopard
“Not today, my mother says there will be a storm, maybe some other time” and with that the panda hopped down from the tree and walked off.
That night a storm did come, and what a storm it was. The trees blew in the wind, and the water rose above the streets, the sky blackened, and the roads flooded
The next day, the Leopard met with the Panda in the same tree.
“I bet you I can get passed that break in the road more successfully than you Panda” said the leopard. The panda looked around, the streets were wet from the rain and the break in the road was full of the salty water.
“Okay” said the Panda. “Let’s see if this is true”
The panda and the leopard stood in front of the break of the road.
“On your mark, get set, GO”! Yelled the leopard, and the panda watched the leopard leap toward the break. The leopard’s paws tried to hold on, but the water from the rain was too slippery for his pads to grip. The leopard fell in the break and into the water. The panda looked down; making sure the leopard was okay then smiled and said
“like I said, I am smarter than you, you silly cat”

April Fools.

Today is the one year anniversary of my Gwen Stefani April fools joke. Last year Brittany and Sam got everyone in on convincing me that Gwen Stefani was in a terrible car crash and died. At first I didn’t believe it but then my mom called me and Fran and Melany called me…then I started telling customers (not noticing Sam trying not to giggle as she told the customers down the aisle that it was a joke). I even called my aunt to tell her and she started crying. That’s when I found out it was fake. How come I am always so fucking gullible? I hate it. I really do. I guess that I’m such a nice person I don’t want to believe anyone is lying? Yeah, that’s it.

So, today, being once again April First I was waiting for something to happen to me but nothing came. I decided not to do anything to anyone this year (or any year for that matter) because I don’t really like seeing people upset or angry. Today was a regular day; I went to school, came home, drew, and then went to work. Brittany had work until 9:30 also, and like I usually do, I was going to wait for her to leave then drive up to Payless and say hi. Tonight was different though, her car wasn’t there and usually when she gets out before me she waits by my car. I sat in my car and looked around the parking lot (maybe she parked somewhere else) but no such luck. I texted her asking if she left already but I didn’t get a response so I assumed that she was on her way driving home and couldn’t text because she isn’t like me who texts while driving while listening/singing to music while fixing my hair

I get home, walk in my house and get a text from Palma.

“Are you serious? I’m at the bank”

I kicked myself in the ass thinking that even though I checked over there I somehow missed her bright blue CRV in the empty parking lot. I sighed and felt really retarded. A few minutes later she texts me again asking if I’m coming back, so like a good boyfriend I get back in my car and drive back to Gateway only to get another text mid-drive saying “Phych!” what?!?! When I pulled into the parking lot I called her…

“Are you home” I asked even though I already knew the answer was yes. And surprise, it was. When I told her that I drove back to see her she almost peed herself. I thought that I was being really nice by driving back, just to see her for a few minutes but no; once again, I was fooled. She then asked me if I honestly believed that she went to the bank at 9:40 at night, in the dark and yes, I did believe her because she is the same girl that went to a CLOSED Hess gas station at 10pm and lost her debit card. I swear to God I will get her back.