See you next tuesday.

My parents came home today!!! I asked my mom how the house hunting was and she told me that they didn’t go. They basically just hung out at my grandmas house and talked with everyone. Nice, huh? I wanted to go with them fo real real bad, but couldn’t because they were “looking for houses and stuff” and they ended up no doing that. My family is lovely. I did, however get a t-shirt (from wal-mart) that says “Florida” on it. Just what I wanted. My parents went to Florida and all I got was a lousy t-shirt *grimace*

THINGS I FORGOT HAPPENED IN MY HOUSE WHILE MY PARENTS WERE AWAY:

-my parents fight

-my mom will bug me to fix her weave

-my parents fight. All the time.

-I won’t have control of the kitchen.

In other news, I had an interview at H&M today!!! I think it went very, very well. When I went on the interview at panera I was hella nervous (nervous nervous) *nervous fingers* and totally screwed that up, but I was really comfortable today and felt I did an awesome job (well, hello. Look who we’re talking about here). There were two women who interviewed me: an older woman whom I’m assuming is the head manager, and a younger manager whom I’m taking to be the head assistant manager.

The H&M back room is fucking huge. There is a huge room that all the merchandise stays in and like six smaller rooms with desks and stuff. All the doors have a code thingy on them so you don’t need a key to get in.

They asked me a whole bunch of questions and I had them laughing and they basically told me I had gotten the job, they just needed to do a background check and they’d call me once that came back (which she said should be anywhere from 3days to a week). I’m pretty excited about it. I looked awesome, by the way. I was going to wear all black but changed into regular jeans and a black v-neck t shirt with a green scarf. It would have looked perfect with either a black, or purple light knit cardigan over it but I didn’t have a black or purple one so I changed into a white ring tee, with a tan and brown stripped cardigan and ran to the gap outlet to find the black or purple one, but ended up buying two shirts instead. A really nice turquoise v neck, and a heather and charcoal grey ringer tee. I ended up wearing what I had on and looked adorable ^_^

In other, other news, I’ve become addicted to word whomp. It’s a game from pogo I use to play a million years ago. I stumbled upon it yesterday and I’m hooked again. What the game is is there are six little moles in holes that are holding up letters. You have to make as many 3-6 letter words as you can from those letters. The more you make, the more points you get. The more points you get, the more tokens you win. The more tokens you win, the more clothes you can buy for your avatar. So naturally I want the best clothes, so I’m playing non stop.

While playing word whomp, I got these letters, in this orderI almost peed myself. Unfortunately “cunt” is not in their dictionary (obviously these moles haven’t seen Atonment) but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Roar!

The Real Housewives of Medford, NY.

Ugh. I am turning into my mother.

For those of you who don’t know, my parents went to Florida to look at houses and shit because my dad retires in a year and they (my dad) wants to move down to Florida. Anyway, so I’m playing mom for the week.

Sunday night I didn’t fall asleep until 2:30 in the morning, and woke up at 5:30 Monday morning so I could drive my parents to the airport. By the time I got home it was 6:30ish so there was no point going back to bed since Zack had to get up at 7. So I fiddled around for a while and woke Zack up around 7:15ish. I made him an egg sandwich and it was super yummy because I made one for me too.

Dylan and Brandon wake up at 8, so I woke them up at 8:15. They got pancakes for breakfast. This was the first time I made anyone breakfast in a long time and I realized how much I miss it. Ugh!

I made them their lunch and sent them away leaving me to have the house to myself for six hours. I swear to god I was going to get dunkin’ donuts coffee and I had an urge to go to the mall before they opened. And then all I wanted to do was go to bed actualy, but I was so tired that I was overtired and hyper so I made a new play list and went on the treadmill.

After working out I took a shower. It was now around 10 so I went into the living room to “watch tv” which is me for pass the fuck out.

Could I? of course not. Not because I wasn’t tired, oh no. because I was deathly afraid I would fall asleep and then sleep so long or so deep that I would miss the kids coming home and they would be stuck outside (ya know, because they can’t knock on the door or anything), or one of them would die at school and I would sleep through the call. Sigh.

When I did start to doze off the phone rings. Not just once, but EVERY FUCKING TIME my eyes closed. Fo real. First it was my nanny calling to see if I was okay, then someone else called. Then my mom called my cell phone. Then poppy called RIGHT AFTER my mom to make sure that I was okay because I guess when nanny called it wasn’t good enough. I’m almost 20 but ya know, I can’t take care of myself or anything. Sigh.

By the time everyone was done calling Zack was home. Great. So he gets home and whatever. So I had to stay awake. The other kids come home at 3:45. When they got home they did their homework, and I was all “what do you guys want for dinner” “how was school” blah blah blah.
I totally forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer so I couldn’t make chicken cutlets like I wanted to because it would take waaay too long for that shit to defrost. So instead I put the chicken in the sink to defrost and made a soy sauce stir fry thingy instead and it was really good.
After dinner I cleaned up (because god forbid anyone cleans up after themselves). Being a mom, I wanted to make a dessert so I made a chocolate chip cookie cake. So good! SO GOOD!

The rest of the night was me running around the house and cleaning up after them OH MY FUCKING GOD. Both Fran and Jen text me with “how is motherhood”? sigh. I am definitely my mother. I am noticing things that I haven’t before, like the dirt on the floor that the kids track in, when the dogs eat something, the backdrop of the stove being dirty. Holy shit. It’s like I was injected with the mom gene. I’m finding myself annoying.

I fell asleep on the couch at 10:20 last night, watching Scooby-doo. That’s how tired I was. Luckily everyone else fell asleep too so I was able to get to bed, but of course I got a second wind of energy and didn’t actually fall asleep until 2 only for me to get up again at 7 this morning.
And it is fucking sad that when I woke up the first thing that I thought of wasn’t “where is the snooze button”? like I usually do, but “Fuck, I left the chicken out” and “what am I making for dinner tonight”? Oh my God.

So I got out of bed and woke Zack up, who had a “headache” and wanted to stay home. Fuck that shit. I was his age once. Headache=I’m tired.

I was not making them a gourmet breakfast this morning so they got cereal. Psssht, I aint that much of a mother yet.

While they were eating do you know what I did? I fucking swept the kitchen because it was pissing me off. All I can say is holy shit.

And. AND! I’m fucking listening to Dora on tv, and the kids left for school twenty minutes ago.

color me boring.

Because I have no life, I started watching commercials on you tube. Here’s some of my favorites:

I’m sick of my shoulder pain. Thank god someone invented these!





If Fran and I worked at an office:



And I always thought the reason people who eat Mcdonalds are single because they’re fat:



All my life I’ve been looking for something to make me feel complete too:



I have one!!!


I want one!!!



I would kill someone for a magic bullet. Fo realz. Fran is definitely Hazel!

Shake ya body body

Tonight was Britney Spears’ 12th show of her Circus tour and my mom and I went. Let me tell you that it was fucking AMAZING! So awesome! Britney is back fo real real. Even though she did walk around the stage more than she danced there was no stumbling, no noticeable lip syncing, and no “my pussy was hanging out” ing…

Mother and I left the house at 5 because she wanted to stop at the mall. I got two hoodies in PacSun for $15. Fucking sweet. So in the car I changed into one of them and danced around in my seat to ms. Spears.

We got to the coliseum around 7ish and headed in. I bought a poster and a cup. My mom got popcorn (surprise) and soda. We go to find our seats. We sat in the second to last row. All the way up in the “nosebleed” section, but our seats were awesome. They had a really good view of the stage (which was in the round so you saw the concert from any seat), and we had action in our section.

I could give you a run down on the show, which was awesome, but suck it, I’m not. Check out one of the britney spears fan sites for that shit. I’m going to talk about what went on next to me.
It wasn’t bad enough that there were teenage girls strutting around in ugly outfits and sneaking beer and dancing like animals, oh no. my mom had to sit next to a group of those girls.
During the third song (Radar) my mom leans over to me and says “the girl next to me keeps hitting me”. little did we know that girl and her tramp friends will cause a riot during “Toxic” an hour later….

So we’re sitting there, dancing to the song, watching the show when the woman behind us starts yelling at the group of girls next to us. Apparently tramp A was basically sitting in the husbands lap, and tramp B was stumbling all over the place while she’s defending herself and friend.

Woman and Tramp B go at it, when I fucking swear to God, the woman went to grab Tramp B and they start fighting. A security guard comes and breaks it up. I don’t know which was is more entertaining: Toxic, or Tramp fight. I went with Tramp fight. The security guard pulls the tramp away and tells her to leave. Her friends start fighting with the security guard and they are all thrown out. But. BUT! Before they leave Tramp B has to make her exit worthwhile. As she’s slurring her words and being a bitch, home girl falls forward into the woman in front of her, causing the woman to get hurt and probably spill her drink. I’m ecstatic at this point. I’m dancing and watching the show…and watching Britney’s show too.

A little while later the security guard comes back and asks us if we saw the girl that fell into the row in front of us was pushed by the woman.

I need to get bad seats more often.

And I had to pee so fucking bad, but the lines were fucking crazy. I ended up holding it in for three hours until we got home. I swear to god it never felt so good to take a leak.

Ps: I don’t know who’s more entertaining/annoying to watch dancing: drunk teen girls, or gay guys. Fo real they were all shaking all over the place and interrupting my groove thing.

Oh, I found this on Britneyspears.com. This girl is a “super fan”…but I think that she is a fucking stalker. Fo real real.




Oh also, the Pussycat dolls cancelled tonight because Nicole was sick. Sigh. Oh well.

And umm…there was something else I was going to say. Shit.

Daylight savings

Jane opens her eyes, blinking, trying to focus what’s around her. The legs move. Over the side of the bed, careful not to wake Henry. Toes reach the floor, heels reach the floor. Hems drop into place. 1:58. Shit. I only have three more hours. Jane apathetically walks across the room. Cold. The ground is cold. I should turn up the heat. Feet make their way to the doorway. Knobs turn. Jane enters. Floresent lights blind her. Blink. Blink. Focus. Seat up, panties down, bladder empty. Flush. The sink gets turned on. Water runs, lights die, doors close.

it’s so fucking cold. Jane makes her way to the thermostat 45? Holy fuck, Henry are you trying to kill me? Fingers reach the needle. Slide. 68. he’s fucking crazy. How the hell can he sleep like that? Jane shuffles back to the bed, arms wrapped around herself. isn’t he cold? Head to pillow. Jane rolls over facing the man laying next to her. Kiss. Henry stirs in his sleep. Eyes twitch.
“What are you doing”
Blink.
“Jane, what time is it”?
Blink.
Henry checks his watch. “It’s 2 in the morning, why the hell are you up”?
“Henry, aren’t you cold? How can you sleep when it’s so fucking cold”?
“What are you talking about? I’m dying. It’s like a sauna in here”
“What!? A sauna? It was 45 in here. I had to raise the heat”
“raise the heat? It’s the middle of summer, why would you do that”
“because it’s freezing in here”
“I swear to God, Jane you will be the death of me”
“Fuck you. I’m cold”.
“Well, come here and I’ll warm you up” Henry grabs Jane and holds her in his arms.
Kiss. what’s that? Kiss. Kiss. Taste. blood. Jane leans in close. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Thirst.

Taste.
“Baby, now you’re talking”! Henry grabs Jane. Lips touch. Hands feel. Aroused.
Taste. need it. Kiss. want it.

Henry parts his lips. Hands feel. “You like that”? need. Henry pushes Jane’s lips apart with his tongue.

Jane feels his tongue in her mouth blood, why do I taste blood. kiss. Tongue. Blood. blood. The kiss deepens. Hands feel. Hands under clothes, hard under clothes. Jane kisses her way up Henry’s neck. blood. kiss. blood. Jane can’t think. Bite. Blood.

“Ouch, Jane what the fuck”? Henry pulls away from Jane, grabbing his shoulder with his hand. “What the fuck was that I’m bleeding”
Blood. Jane takes in the smell, a mixture of sugar and metal.
“Jane, are you okay”
Gasp.
“What the FUCK? JANE!”
Taste. Blood. Gasping for air. Scream. Blood. Drink.

“Jane JANE! Stop it”! Bite. “Get off of me fucking crazy bitch”!
Taste. Rip. Tear. Black.

Henry slams the door shut. The lock clicks. “What the fuck?” He stumbles to the sink and run the water through his hands, washing the blood away. It burns. Henry looks at himself in the mirror. Blood is gushing from his shoulder. Water. Burn.

“What the-”? there is a piece of skin missing from his shoulder. Henry grabs a facecloth and applies pressure on his wound. In the mirror he notices he has more scratches and gashes all over his body.


What’s happening? Sun? why is the sun coming up this hour? Jane walks to the window. The streets are dead. Henry. Where’s Henry? Why isn’t he in bed”? Footsteps make their way to the bathroom.

Knock. Knock. Knock. The knob shakes. “Henry? Honey are you in there”?
“GET AWAY FROM ME”!
“What? What are you talking about”
“Crazy bitch”!
“What the fuck is your problem”!?
Knob stops. “Henry, open the door”!

Swish. Metal. blood
Need.

Nails rip at Henry’s flesh. Henry’s entire body burns. Every inch of him is begging to die.
Kill. Jane latches herself onto Henry, clawing at him. Blood splattering everywhere. The sun is getting brighter. Light beams into the blood splattered room. Kill.

Henry fights. Push. Punch. Cough. Cough. Stumble. Kick.

Henry grabs a hold of Jane and throws her up against the wall. Punch. Punch.
Jane laughs. Blood. Her eyes focuses on Henry’s. Kill. Attack. Jane jumps on to Henry. Henry stumbles. Stumbles back. Stumbles into the corner of Jane’s dark wood dresser. Corner meets head. Blood. Blood. Black.

The sun is bright. Eat. Jane sits on the bed. Jane sits on the blood covered bed. There is something in Jane’s lap. Jane is hunched over. Eating. The sun dims. Hiss. Jane looks up into the light. Face covered in blood. Jane hisses at the sunlight. Time is almost up. Jane goes back to her eating. Eating. Blood. Flesh. There is a trail of blood on the bed, dripping onto the floor. Drip. Drip. The drip leads to a puddle. The puddle is around something; Henry’s body. The body is ripped. The body is ripped to pieces.

The sun dims. full. Jane stops eating. sleep. Light dims. Head to pillow. Blood drips clean off the bed. Jane sleeps.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Blood falls onto Henry’s lifeless remains. Drip. Water. Water drips. Water drips into a sac of muscle. Drip. Drip. Drip. Shuffle. Stir. Water.

The light is so dim. Drip. Drip.

Shuffle.

Jane opens her eyes, blinking, trying to focus what’s around her. The legs move. Over the side of the bed, careful not to wake Henry. Toes reach the floor, heels reach the floor. 1:58. Shit. I only have three more hours.

five dollar, five dollar.

This is completely random, and is coming out of nowhere but I just remembered that while driving to the food store today I saw a bunch of Spanish men on the corner by 711. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it because I know that they’re there for work, but today I let my mind wonder. If you really think about it they are kind of like prostitutes. Seriously! I mean come on, a group of people stand on a street corner and wait for a car to pull up and ask how much they charge for work. They do the job, get paid and then go back to the same corner the next day. As I passed another group of men I chuckled to myself because I thought about them in skimpy outfits shuffling to a car window and demanding x amount of money for a blowjob. Random, I know.

Ugly Love

I love Ugly Betty. The show never ceases to shock/amaze me. One minute I am giddy because Betty has a crush, the next I’m tearing up because the company is going out of business, or someone’s dying. The show takes my emotions on a rollercoaster and I love it. First off I don’t know how, but ABC has somehow made American Fererra, one of my “would do” celebrities, into Betty Suarez, an “ugly” girl who is still fucking adorable and is most likely on my Character “would do” list. I want my own Betty Suarez to love. Gee! I could talk all day about it.

In other news I am fighting the urge to walk into my kitchen and eat my Chinese left overs. I’m not hungry, but I just want them. That’s my problem: I eat at night. If I stopped eating at a certain time and stuck to it I bet I would be able to lose weight without exercising. Another problem is I can’t sleep. My pattern is all fucked up: I don’t go to bed until after 3am, so I don’t wake up until 12, 1, 2 in the after noon which makes me not fall asleep until after 3 again. Right now it is 5 in the morning, and I can’t get to bed. Bleh! this sucks. But I still love Betty

I fell so hard.

I’ve made it a mission to write a blog every day. Will I? probable not. My life isn’t that amusing that I have so many things to write about, but who knows, maybe I do? *ponder*

I never actually listened to the music I have on my player on here; I kind of just found the songs I wanted and added them. Since the songs come from other sources and not my Itunes they are most likely not the same versions I have. For example Ms. Taylor Swifts song “Picture to burn” has the line “so go ahead and tell your friend I’m obsessive and crazy, I don’t mind I’ll tell mine that you’re gay”…umm…those are not the words. I must have added someone’s version that has been tampered with, because I don’t even thing Taylor Swift has ever said the word “gay”

I was a twelve year old girl tonight and rented High School Musical 3. Sigh, I know, but I’ve seen the first two which obviously means that I needed to see the last installment of the Zac Efron trilogy. Sucka. I will admit that I laughed and smiled throughout the movies, but come on! That is soooo not real life. I would have LOVED to have all these colleges begging at my feet for me to chose their school. Fuck, I would have loved one college to be begging at my feet. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a HSM fan, and I can admit it, unlike Jen who sooooo is a closeted fan (tehe).

Speaking of Jen, we need to get a cracka lacking on “The Show”. I think it’s safe to say that Ms. Palma isn’t going to be able to work on it with us any time soon, Jen and I need to crack the whip. I have so many ideas pouring out of my head and we need to work on it again. What we have is so funny so far. I love when our minds connect and ooze out these genius ideas. I want the show to be dirty and rude and amazing. I want it to be a “Drawn Together” meets “Family Guy” with some “Office” thrown in there. It’s been far too long since we worked on that show. The time is now.

Since I want to work on the show I texted Jen this afternoon asking her if she was busy tonight, but she wasn’t feeling well. I want to bring my laptop to star bucks and just sit there and type away and have passing customers look at me and wonder what I’m doing…am I writing a novel? Working on school work? Having a virtual date with someone (yeah, right). I always kind of secretly am jealous of those people who just chill in a chair at a café and do whatever for hours. I always want to do that, but I always feel…awkward I guess.

I think it’s time for Andrew to start dating again. My horoscope today said to flirt my ass off, but I barely went out today, so I didn’t do it. I mean, come on, who was I supposed to flirt with? The librarian? The old lady at star bucks? The ugly guy at blockbuster? OkCupid is boring me now. I’m thinking about just deleting my account and getting a girlfriend the old fashion way: get shitfaced and hook up with someone. Oooo there’s only one problem with that though: I am friends with all of my friends friends, and noone every throws parties that I go to. I am waiting for Katie to have a party soon so I can drink and make a silly fool out of myself and ya know, meet people. Sometimes I really wish I went away to school. Maybe that will change soon. I’m hoping I will get into FIT. Its torture waiting from them. I just want to know if I got in and if I can dorm there. I still don’t know if I want a roommate or not. I do, but I don’t. I am kind of hard to get along with: I’m mushy and lazy and cranky and hate people, but if I dorm alone that won’t be much fun.

The thing I’ll like the most about the school (if I get in) is just being in the city all the time. It’s far enough that I feel like I’m on my own, but it’s only a train ride back home. HA! I’ll be a twenty-something in the city looking for labels and love. What’s that from? Come on! ^_^

Iiight readers, I’m bouncing.

I'm hot, you're cold
You go around like you know
Who I am, but you don't
You've got me on my toes

The dark side has cookies.

Last night I watched The Haunting of Molly Hartley. It was an okay movie. I’m glad I didn’t pay $10 to see it though. The movie is about this girl, Molly who keeps hearing things and seeing her mother (who is institutionalized for stabbing Molly in the chest with a pair of scissors). It turns out that Molly died as a baby, and her mother made a deal with this woman where the woman would bring Molly back to life but on her 18th birthday Molly belonged to her. The woman was working with Satan or something like that, and once Molly turned 18 she was immortal. She got whatever she wanted blah blah blah.

The movie got me thinking; what path is truly better? The good side or the bad side? If you read or watch any movie there are ups and downs to both sides. If you choose the good side you choose God, Morals, Honor, Death, etch. If you choose the dark side you are guaranteed money and success and fame and glamour. The dark side provides you with protection and usually immortality. Look at it this way: Sure you have to basically sell your soul to Satan (if he truly exists), but you can get anything you want. You want money, you can have It. Fame? Boom here ya go. Fuck, the dark side even has cool red lighsabers and awesome costumes. You are granted the best shit in life. Sure sure you aren’t honorable or friendly, but come one! I’d choose being a vampire over having morals.

Overall I guess what I’m trying to say is that If I had to choose I think I would choose the darker path and be able to have whatever I wanted because if Jesus was truly real he’s just forgive me for being bad and let me into Heaven anyway. It’s a win win situation. Suck it God.

Catch My Disease

One night Brittany and I sat in my room and wrote a list of celebrities we would have sex with. I was telling Christina about this the other night when we were going to the movies and I decided to rewrite/update my list of potential yummy time partners. I will probably update this in the future because I can't think of any more, but as of right now here they are...in no particular order:

Girls:


Taylor Swift
Emma Watson
Lucy Lui
Vanessa Williams
Vanessa Hudgens
Ashley Tisdale
Drew Barrymore
Ashlee Simpson
Nicole Richie
Britney Spears
Isla Fisher
Kirsten Dunts
Gabrella Union
Jennifer Hudson
Ahsley Greene
America Ferrera
Becki Newton
Jenna Fischer
Alyssa Milano
Rose McGowan
Emily Blunt
Brittany Snow
Eliza Dushku
Erika Christensen
Sarah Roemer
Danielle Panabaker
Jessica Lucas
Amanda Bynes
Rachel Lee Cook
Anna Farris
Tina Fay
Stacey Dash
Haley Bennett
AnnaLynne McCord
Rachel McAdams
Lacey Chabert
Amanda Seyfried
Sarah Barrable-Tishaur
Anne Hathaway
Camille Mana
Jessica Stroup
Shenae Grimes
Mary-Kate Olsen
Ashely Olsen
Lindsay Lohan
Ginnifer Goodwin
Scarlett Johansson
Leighton Meester
Taylor Momsen
Kristen Bell
Nicole Fiscella

Guys:


Robert Pattinson
Eric Mabius
Adrian Grenier
John Krasinski
Jake Gyllinhal
Zac Efron
Drake Bell
Daniel Radcliffe
Adam Gregory
Rupert Grint
Christopher Gorham
Jared Padalecki
Chace Crawford
Michael Urie
Jesse Bradford
Jamie Johnston
Zach Cregger
Eric Christian Olsen
James Marsden
Kellan Lutz
Bradley Cooper
Taylor Lautner
Ed Westwick

My head is a box filled with nothing
And that's the way I like it
My garden's a secret compartment
And that's the way I like
Your body's a dream that turns violent
And that's the way I like it
The winter is long in the city
And that's the way I like it