guuurrrrlll it's been sooo long since I've updated this. I know how long all you loyal (imaginary) readers out there have been patiently waiting for my arrival. well, bitches, I'm baaaaaccckkk and on a brand fucking new laptop! wha wha!! I totally went out on negro Friday and bought a new laptop at walmart for $400! The boo and I are sharing it because both of our old ones are no way, Jose!
I'm super, SUPER excited for Christmas!! It's so close you can almost taste it (like your taint) and Deirdre and I put up our Christmas tree the other night. It's a combination of both of our trees so it's a little cray cray, but it's cute! I started shopping the other day and i must say that I have purchased a fuck load of stuff fo' super cheap! I have to give myself a pat on the back!
What else have I been up to, eh? Just a whole lot of nothing. And by "nothing" I mean WORKING and moving out of my casa. Werd. Deirdre and I are staying with her parents for a little until my house goes into closing and we can have enough doolalas to move into our place in Brooklyn. I'm really really thankful that they are letting us stay here (with our pet mammath, Hermione). I would totally be sleeping on the corner of 42nd and 5th right now (again) if they didn't (only this time I would be homeless and not roofied after a bad night of being a lady of the night)
Soo...I bought Rhianna's new album "Talk that talk" and I really like it! it's a million times better than "Loud" which was a bunch of bullshit. Loud my asshole. I've taken shits more exciting than that album. T^3 is really upbeat and sexy. My favorite, by far, is "birthday cake" but I'm fucking pissed that it isn't a full song! Obviously Rhianna lost some marbles up there when Chris Brown bashed her face in and she had a moment of retardation and decided to make her BEST SONG on the album an interlude. Girl needs to check herself.
In other news I really really need to take a shower because I'm pretty sure that after wearing a cashmere sweater all day and working in a 80 degree store I smell like a homeless person (and it doesn't help that I didn't do anything to my hair today so I'm rocking a fro today too). I look like a homeless, Hipster Jew and I'm none of them.
Iight, inter web (that's what Deirdre calls it. inter web) I'm going to jerk it in the shower and cry after. peace.
...set my whole body on fire.
Monday, November 28, 2011
I want you to be my sex slave...
guuurrrrlll it's been sooo long since I've updated this. I know how long all you loyal (imaginary) readers out there have been patiently waiting for my arrival. well, bitches, I'm baaaaaccckkk and on a brand fucking new laptop! wha wha!! I totally went out on negro Friday and bought a new laptop at walmart for $400! The boo and I are sharing it because both of our old ones are no way, Jose!
I'm super, SUPER excited for Christmas!! It's so close you can almost taste it (like your taint) and Deirdre and I put up our Christmas tree the other night. It's a combination of both of our trees so it's a little cray cray, but it's cute! I started shopping the other day and i must say that I have purchased a fuck load of stuff fo' super cheap! I have to give myself a pat on the back!
What else have I been up to, eh? Just a whole lot of nothing. And by "nothing" I mean WORKING and moving out of my casa. Werd. Deirdre and I are staying with her parents for a little until my house goes into closing and we can have enough doolalas to move into our place in Brooklyn. I'm really really thankful that they are letting us stay here (with our pet mammath, Hermione). I would totally be sleeping on the corner of 42nd and 5th right now (again) if they didn't (only this time I would be homeless and not roofied after a bad night of being a lady of the night)
Soo...I bought Rhianna's new album "Talk that talk" and I really like it! it's a million times better than "Loud" which was a bunch of bullshit. Loud my asshole. I've taken shits more exciting than that album. T^3 is really upbeat and sexy. My favorite, by far, is "birthday cake" but I'm fucking pissed that it isn't a full song! Obviously Rhianna lost some marbles up there when Chris Brown bashed her face in and she had a moment of retardation and decided to make her BEST SONG on the album an interlude. Girl needs to check herself.
In other news I really really need to take a shower because I'm pretty sure that after wearing a cashmere sweater all day and working in a 80 degree store I smell like a homeless person (and it doesn't help that I didn't do anything to my hair today so I'm rocking a fro today too). I look like a homeless, Hipster Jew and I'm none of them.
Iight, inter web (that's what Deirdre calls it. inter web) I'm going to jerk it in the shower and cry after. peace.
...set my whole body on fire.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Mama I'm in love...
...With a criminal.
I kind of really like Femme Fatale. It's no Blackout, but still.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Day light savings
with Daylight savings a week ago, I figured I'd post a short story I wrote a while ago. I actually can't remember if I've previously posted this, so if I did I'm sorry.
Daylight savings
Jane opens her eyes, blinking, trying to focus what’s around her. The legs move. Over the side of the bed, careful not to wake Henry. Toes reach the floor, heels reach the floor. Hems drop into place. 1:58. Shit. I only have three more hours. Jane apathetically walks across the room. Cold. The ground is cold. I should turn up the heat. Feet make their way to the doorway. Knobs turn. Jane enters. Floresent lights blind her. Blink. Blink. Focus. Seat up, panties down, bladder empty. Flush. The sink gets turned on. Water runs, lights die, doors close.
it’s so fucking cold. Jane makes her way to the thermostat 45? Holy fuck, Marc are you trying to kill me? Fingers reach the needle. Slide. 68. he’s fucking crazy. How the hell can he sleep like that? Jane shuffles back to the bed, arms wrapped around herself. isn’t he cold? Head to pillow. Jane rolls over facing the man laying next to her. Kiss. Henry stirs in his sleep. Eyes twitch.
“What are you doing”
Blink.
“Jane, what time is it”?
Blink.
Henry checks his watch. “It’s 2 in the morning, why the hell are you up”?
“Henry, aren’t you cold? How can you sleep when it’s so fucking cold”?
“What are you talking about? I’m dying. It’s like a sauna in here”
“What!? A sauna? It was 45 in here. I had to raise the heat”
“raise the heat? It’s the middle of summer, why would you do that”
“because it’s freezing in here”
“I swear to God, Jane you will be the death of me”
“Fuck you. I’m cold”.
“Well, come here and I’ll warm you up” Henry grabs Jane and holds her in his arms.
Kiss. what’s that? Kiss. Kiss. Taste. blood. Jane leans in close. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Thirst.
Taste.
“Baby, now you’re talking”! Henry grabs Jane. Lips touch. Hands feel. Aroused.
Taste. need it. Kiss. want it.
Henry parts his lips. Hands feel. “You like that”? need. Henry pushes Jane’s lips apart with his tongue.
Jane feels his tongue in her mouth blood, why do I taste blood. kiss. Tongue. Blood. blood. The kiss deepens. Hands feel. Hands under clothes, hard under clothes. Jane kisses her way up Henry’s neck. blood. kiss. blood. Jane can’t think. Bite. Blood.
“Ouch, Jane what the fuck”? Henry pulls away from Jane, grabbing his shoulder with his hand. “What the fuck was that I’m bleeding”
Blood. Jane takes in the smell, a mixture of sugar and metal.
“Jane, are you okay”
Gasp.
“What the FUCK? JANE!”
Taste. Blood. Gasping for air. Scream. Blood. Drink.
“Jane JANE! Stop it”! Bite. “Get off of me fucking crazy bitch”!
Taste. Rip. Tear. Black.
Henry slams the door shut. The lock clicks. “What the fuck?” He stumbles to the sink and run the water through his hands, washing the blood away. It burns. Henry looks at himself in the mirror. Blood is gushing from his shoulder. Water. Burn.
“What the-”? there is a piece of skin missing from his shoulder. Henry grabs a facecloth and applies pressure on his wound. In the mirror he notices he has more scratches and gashes all over his body.
What’s happening? Sun? why is the sun coming up this hour? Jane walks to the window. The streets are dead. Henry. Where’s Henry? Why isn’t he in bed”? Footsteps make their way to the bathroom.
Knock. Knock. Knock. The knob shakes. “Henry? Honey are you in there”?
“GET AWAY FROM ME”!
“What? What are you talking about”
“Crazy bitch”!
“What the fuck is your problem”!?
Knob stops. “Henry, open the door”!
Swish. Metal. blood
Need.
Nails rip at Henry’s flesh. Henry’s entire body burns. Every inch of him is begging to die.
Kill. Jane latches herself onto Henry, clawing at him. Blood splattering everywhere. The sun is getting brighter. Light beams into the blood splattered room. Kill.
Henry fights. Push. Punch. Cough. Cough. Stumble. Kick.
Henry grabs a hold of Jane and throws her up against the wall. Punch. Punch.
Jane laughs. Blood. Her eyes focuses on Henry’s. Kill. Attack. Jane jumps on to Henry. Henry stumbles. Stumbles back. Stumbles into the corner of Jane’s dark wood dresser. Corner meets head. Blood. Blood. Black.
The sun is bright. Eat. Jane sits on the bed. Jane sits on the blood covered bed. There is something in Jane’s lap. Jane is hunched over. Eating. The sun dims. Hiss. Jane looks up into the light. Face covered in blood. Jane hisses at the sunlight. Time is almost up. Jane goes back to her eating. Eating. Blood. Flesh. There is a trail of blood on the bed, dripping onto the floor. Drip. Drip. The drip leads to a puddle. The puddle is around something; Henry’s body. The body is ripped. The body is ripped to pieces.
The sun dims. full. Jane stops eating. sleep. Light dims. Head to pillow. Blood drips clean off the bed. Jane sleeps.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Blood falls onto Henry’s lifeless remains. Drip. Water. Water drips. Water drips into a sac of muscle. Drip. Drip. Drip. Shuffle. Stir. Water.
The light is so dim. Drip. Drip.
Shuffle.
Jane opens her eyes, blinking, trying to focus what’s around her. The legs move. Over the side of the bed, careful not to wake Henry. Toes reach the floor, heels reach the floor. 1:58. Shit. I only have three more hours.
Daylight savings
Jane opens her eyes, blinking, trying to focus what’s around her. The legs move. Over the side of the bed, careful not to wake Henry. Toes reach the floor, heels reach the floor. Hems drop into place. 1:58. Shit. I only have three more hours. Jane apathetically walks across the room. Cold. The ground is cold. I should turn up the heat. Feet make their way to the doorway. Knobs turn. Jane enters. Floresent lights blind her. Blink. Blink. Focus. Seat up, panties down, bladder empty. Flush. The sink gets turned on. Water runs, lights die, doors close.
it’s so fucking cold. Jane makes her way to the thermostat 45? Holy fuck, Marc are you trying to kill me? Fingers reach the needle. Slide. 68. he’s fucking crazy. How the hell can he sleep like that? Jane shuffles back to the bed, arms wrapped around herself. isn’t he cold? Head to pillow. Jane rolls over facing the man laying next to her. Kiss. Henry stirs in his sleep. Eyes twitch.
“What are you doing”
Blink.
“Jane, what time is it”?
Blink.
Henry checks his watch. “It’s 2 in the morning, why the hell are you up”?
“Henry, aren’t you cold? How can you sleep when it’s so fucking cold”?
“What are you talking about? I’m dying. It’s like a sauna in here”
“What!? A sauna? It was 45 in here. I had to raise the heat”
“raise the heat? It’s the middle of summer, why would you do that”
“because it’s freezing in here”
“I swear to God, Jane you will be the death of me”
“Fuck you. I’m cold”.
“Well, come here and I’ll warm you up” Henry grabs Jane and holds her in his arms.
Kiss. what’s that? Kiss. Kiss. Taste. blood. Jane leans in close. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Thirst.
Taste.
“Baby, now you’re talking”! Henry grabs Jane. Lips touch. Hands feel. Aroused.
Taste. need it. Kiss. want it.
Henry parts his lips. Hands feel. “You like that”? need. Henry pushes Jane’s lips apart with his tongue.
Jane feels his tongue in her mouth blood, why do I taste blood. kiss. Tongue. Blood. blood. The kiss deepens. Hands feel. Hands under clothes, hard under clothes. Jane kisses her way up Henry’s neck. blood. kiss. blood. Jane can’t think. Bite. Blood.
“Ouch, Jane what the fuck”? Henry pulls away from Jane, grabbing his shoulder with his hand. “What the fuck was that I’m bleeding”
Blood. Jane takes in the smell, a mixture of sugar and metal.
“Jane, are you okay”
Gasp.
“What the FUCK? JANE!”
Taste. Blood. Gasping for air. Scream. Blood. Drink.
“Jane JANE! Stop it”! Bite. “Get off of me fucking crazy bitch”!
Taste. Rip. Tear. Black.
Henry slams the door shut. The lock clicks. “What the fuck?” He stumbles to the sink and run the water through his hands, washing the blood away. It burns. Henry looks at himself in the mirror. Blood is gushing from his shoulder. Water. Burn.
“What the-”? there is a piece of skin missing from his shoulder. Henry grabs a facecloth and applies pressure on his wound. In the mirror he notices he has more scratches and gashes all over his body.
What’s happening? Sun? why is the sun coming up this hour? Jane walks to the window. The streets are dead. Henry. Where’s Henry? Why isn’t he in bed”? Footsteps make their way to the bathroom.
Knock. Knock. Knock. The knob shakes. “Henry? Honey are you in there”?
“GET AWAY FROM ME”!
“What? What are you talking about”
“Crazy bitch”!
“What the fuck is your problem”!?
Knob stops. “Henry, open the door”!
Swish. Metal. blood
Need.
Nails rip at Henry’s flesh. Henry’s entire body burns. Every inch of him is begging to die.
Kill. Jane latches herself onto Henry, clawing at him. Blood splattering everywhere. The sun is getting brighter. Light beams into the blood splattered room. Kill.
Henry fights. Push. Punch. Cough. Cough. Stumble. Kick.
Henry grabs a hold of Jane and throws her up against the wall. Punch. Punch.
Jane laughs. Blood. Her eyes focuses on Henry’s. Kill. Attack. Jane jumps on to Henry. Henry stumbles. Stumbles back. Stumbles into the corner of Jane’s dark wood dresser. Corner meets head. Blood. Blood. Black.
The sun is bright. Eat. Jane sits on the bed. Jane sits on the blood covered bed. There is something in Jane’s lap. Jane is hunched over. Eating. The sun dims. Hiss. Jane looks up into the light. Face covered in blood. Jane hisses at the sunlight. Time is almost up. Jane goes back to her eating. Eating. Blood. Flesh. There is a trail of blood on the bed, dripping onto the floor. Drip. Drip. The drip leads to a puddle. The puddle is around something; Henry’s body. The body is ripped. The body is ripped to pieces.
The sun dims. full. Jane stops eating. sleep. Light dims. Head to pillow. Blood drips clean off the bed. Jane sleeps.
Drip. Drip. Drip. Blood falls onto Henry’s lifeless remains. Drip. Water. Water drips. Water drips into a sac of muscle. Drip. Drip. Drip. Shuffle. Stir. Water.
The light is so dim. Drip. Drip.
Shuffle.
Jane opens her eyes, blinking, trying to focus what’s around her. The legs move. Over the side of the bed, careful not to wake Henry. Toes reach the floor, heels reach the floor. 1:58. Shit. I only have three more hours.
Hello Aunt Spanish, you look bonita.
Obviously I have some sort of sleeping problem. It seems that evert time I should be sleeping, I can’t. see the thing is, I took a quick nap (by quick I mean 3 hour) and now I can’t sleep…this might also be because I made myself an iced coffee right after I took a nap, so that on top of my mini coma made me super awake and now it is once again, 2:30 in the morning and I am wide awake.
In other news Boo and I have been watching Ugly betty. I love this show sooooo fucking much. I wish it never got canceled. It was amazing. I love the Suarez family. When Deirdre and I move to queens we have to befriend them (because they are real, I refuse to believe they aren’t)
Anyway, I’m bored. Peace.
In other news Boo and I have been watching Ugly betty. I love this show sooooo fucking much. I wish it never got canceled. It was amazing. I love the Suarez family. When Deirdre and I move to queens we have to befriend them (because they are real, I refuse to believe they aren’t)
Anyway, I’m bored. Peace.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Rolling in the deep
Sooo… it’s been a while since I’ve written anything in this…that could be because I kind of sort have maybe forgotten about this little blog of mine here until about three days ago when I was rummaging thru old files and there was that story I was working on saved on my computer and a little, eco friendly light bulb popped on in my head and reminded me that I have an awesome, hysterical blog somewhere lingering on the interweb (that’s what Deirdre calls it btw) so I’m back and with vengeance…at least for now anyway.
It’s about 12:40 in the morning and I’m wide awake due to my five hour nap I took earlier in the day when I came home, kicked off my shoes and was going to “lay down and take a quick cat nape” but obviously I was in a cat coma and next thing I know it’s 10:00 and boo is texting me telling me she’s leaving work and on her way home.
I kind of forgot what I wanted to write in here…so I guess I’ll just ramble. Btw, I’m totally sitting on my floor, with like six blankets and a body pillow (mostly because my room is an ice box for some reason, and because the typing was too loud for boo, who’s peacefully snoring away as I type). Let me paint you a picture of what I look like right now; I’m wearing a t shirt and bright orange boxers with fish on them. Curled up on my floor in a mound of blankets on a electric blue, zebra body pillow and my laptop with me…normally this wouldn’t be weird but you see, the screen on my laptop is broken, so I have it hooked up to a computer monitor so I can see what the fuck I’m looking at. Sooo…I’m tangled in these blankets with wires of all sorts and a fucking computer screen sitting next to me and a laptop on my lap. How fucking ghetto is that? I’m going to fit in perfectly in Queens if we get that apartment.
What apartment you may ask? Well, Deirdre and I have been looking into apartments because my parents are moving, and I’m trying to move up at work and make a living, so deirdre and I have decided to shack up : ) we (by we I mean Deirdre) found this AMAZING apartment on craigs list that sounded way too good to be true, but it was/is 110% legit! There was a link to the complexes website and everything. Anyway, it’s a one bedroom with four closets, in a complex that has a Laundromat, a gym, and a shopping center on site, 24/7 security, a watering hole for children to drink out of in the middle, and it’s on the FUCKING BEACH! It’s literally like apartment, boardwalk, beach. AMAZING right? Right!
In other news I’m beyond excited that the weather has been getting warmer. Besides the 150 mph winds (and the fear of being blown away every time I open my umbrella or put on a nun costume) the weather has been nice lately. It’s getting me excited for summer and everyone knows what the summer does to me…Andrew becomes an alcoholic once again. I can’t wait to sit outside and roast marshmallows and drink. Oh how I yearn for the sweet taste of tequila hitting the back of my throat and boys taking advantage of me once again. Oh summer, how I’ve missed thee.
One would think that because it’s so late, and I kind of want to go to sleep (but just can’t) that I would drink water, or warm milk to make me sleepy, but do I? nope. I’m sitting here with basically a gallon of homemade iced tea (which apparently has more caffeine than coffee?) so obviously I won’t be sleeping anytime soon.
I’ve been wanting new glasses for like, six years so the amazing Christine Holt ( check out her music page huuuurrreeeee: ) introduced me to this wonderful, wonderful website called WARBY PARKER, and it’s a site where you pick out five pairs of glasses you like and they send them to you for a at-home try on…for FREE! You get to keep them up to five days, and as long as you send them back within the five days you’re bank account won’t be charged a cent. I tried on my five pairs and can’t decide which ones I want (actually that’s a lie; I know which ones I want I just want everyone to tell me how good I look) the following images are of the five pairs I tried on. Leave a comment below to tell me which one you think I should get!
*sigh* I finished my iced tea and am still fo real thirsty. I need to invest in a black friend.
What else to talk about? Hmm… I’m listeing to Adele (<3). I found her while I was channel surfing upstate a few years ago when her video for ‘Chasing pavements’ was on and I thought she was that tall, thin girl in the video, but nope, she was actually the heavy girl hiding behind the tree and sitting in the car. I was really mad, because she’s sooooooo talented and really pretty. I was kind of disgusted because I felt bad for her and thought America made her hide herself and replaced her with this attractive girl for people to look at. Well, Fuck you America! She’s amazing! I kind of don’t like that she’s getting super famous now though, because that means everyone will start to listen to her. I like being a part of a select few that listen to not to well known artist. It makes me feel special, shut up. This is lady gaga all over.
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark
It’s about 12:40 in the morning and I’m wide awake due to my five hour nap I took earlier in the day when I came home, kicked off my shoes and was going to “lay down and take a quick cat nape” but obviously I was in a cat coma and next thing I know it’s 10:00 and boo is texting me telling me she’s leaving work and on her way home.
I kind of forgot what I wanted to write in here…so I guess I’ll just ramble. Btw, I’m totally sitting on my floor, with like six blankets and a body pillow (mostly because my room is an ice box for some reason, and because the typing was too loud for boo, who’s peacefully snoring away as I type). Let me paint you a picture of what I look like right now; I’m wearing a t shirt and bright orange boxers with fish on them. Curled up on my floor in a mound of blankets on a electric blue, zebra body pillow and my laptop with me…normally this wouldn’t be weird but you see, the screen on my laptop is broken, so I have it hooked up to a computer monitor so I can see what the fuck I’m looking at. Sooo…I’m tangled in these blankets with wires of all sorts and a fucking computer screen sitting next to me and a laptop on my lap. How fucking ghetto is that? I’m going to fit in perfectly in Queens if we get that apartment.
What apartment you may ask? Well, Deirdre and I have been looking into apartments because my parents are moving, and I’m trying to move up at work and make a living, so deirdre and I have decided to shack up : ) we (by we I mean Deirdre) found this AMAZING apartment on craigs list that sounded way too good to be true, but it was/is 110% legit! There was a link to the complexes website and everything. Anyway, it’s a one bedroom with four closets, in a complex that has a Laundromat, a gym, and a shopping center on site, 24/7 security, a watering hole for children to drink out of in the middle, and it’s on the FUCKING BEACH! It’s literally like apartment, boardwalk, beach. AMAZING right? Right!
In other news I’m beyond excited that the weather has been getting warmer. Besides the 150 mph winds (and the fear of being blown away every time I open my umbrella or put on a nun costume) the weather has been nice lately. It’s getting me excited for summer and everyone knows what the summer does to me…Andrew becomes an alcoholic once again. I can’t wait to sit outside and roast marshmallows and drink. Oh how I yearn for the sweet taste of tequila hitting the back of my throat and boys taking advantage of me once again. Oh summer, how I’ve missed thee.
One would think that because it’s so late, and I kind of want to go to sleep (but just can’t) that I would drink water, or warm milk to make me sleepy, but do I? nope. I’m sitting here with basically a gallon of homemade iced tea (which apparently has more caffeine than coffee?) so obviously I won’t be sleeping anytime soon.
I’ve been wanting new glasses for like, six years so the amazing Christine Holt ( check out her music page huuuurrreeeee: ) introduced me to this wonderful, wonderful website called WARBY PARKER, and it’s a site where you pick out five pairs of glasses you like and they send them to you for a at-home try on…for FREE! You get to keep them up to five days, and as long as you send them back within the five days you’re bank account won’t be charged a cent. I tried on my five pairs and can’t decide which ones I want (actually that’s a lie; I know which ones I want I just want everyone to tell me how good I look) the following images are of the five pairs I tried on. Leave a comment below to tell me which one you think I should get!
*sigh* I finished my iced tea and am still fo real thirsty. I need to invest in a black friend.
What else to talk about? Hmm… I’m listeing to Adele (<3). I found her while I was channel surfing upstate a few years ago when her video for ‘Chasing pavements’ was on and I thought she was that tall, thin girl in the video, but nope, she was actually the heavy girl hiding behind the tree and sitting in the car. I was really mad, because she’s sooooooo talented and really pretty. I was kind of disgusted because I felt bad for her and thought America made her hide herself and replaced her with this attractive girl for people to look at. Well, Fuck you America! She’s amazing! I kind of don’t like that she’s getting super famous now though, because that means everyone will start to listen to her. I like being a part of a select few that listen to not to well known artist. It makes me feel special, shut up. This is lady gaga all over.
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark
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