Sunday, June 29, 2008

Do you have a first aid kit handy?

*don't hold any of this against me. please.


I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve turned into this big emotional ball of mess… Today I had a fight with my mom. A really big one about something really stupid. All I ask for from my family is for them not to go in my room, but none of them listen. Today I had it. I came home from work and started yelling at my mom because her sunglasses were in my room. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about it, but I do. I feel like I’m a disappointment. Not just with my family though. Everywhere I go I feel like I’m the one everyone looks down on. At home I feel like I’m left out from everything. I feel like no matter what I say it isn’t important. I feel like no matter how hard I try no one accepts me. With friends I feel like I’m stupid. Sometimes I feel like I’m just the third, fourth, fifth wheel of the group. I feel like I say things that are just there for comical relief, just things that everyone can laugh at because that’s what I’m there for.

Let me get started:

The other night I went over to Fran’s house to celebrate my birthday. I was really looking forward to it. We did it for Fran’s birthday, and for Brittany’s birthday. It was my turn and I was really pumped for it. The entire day at work I kept talking about it. I was really excited because it was my day. One day where I am the center of attention, one day where everyone has to be nice to me. I know it’s really childish but I can’t help it. So we get to Fran’s house but Jen can’t drink yet because she had to pick up her brother from work. Understandable. So we waited for her to get back. For starters, I said something really stupid and really disrespectful which brought my mood down because I couldn’t believe I said it. I was really mad at myself. While Jen was gone Melany, Brittany and I played Sonic on the play station two. Melany went, and then died. Then I went. Of course Brittany was picking on me because that’s how she shows affection, and I know that, but that night I didn’t want it. I wanted to just be treated normally. On top of that, I haven’t played Sonic in over ten years so I was really rusty but I was having fun…that is until I was told that I sucked at the game. I yelled at Melany because she told me to do something, which I knew how to do but it wasn’t working for me. I yelled at her because I was mad that I was told I sucked. Jen got back, I was all sulky, and then she, melany, and Fran went to path mark. I was still sulky but didn’t want to show it. So far I was having a horrible night. All I wanted was to have a good time with my friends.

When they all got back Fran stayed upstairs because she didn’t want to drink. That got me a little pissed because I know she loves drinking, and we have fun when we drink. All of us have a really good time. I said I wanted to play Taboo. Taboo is one of my favorite games but every time I play is I ask myself why I like it. Like I said before I always feel like I’m the stupidest in the group, and Taboo reminds me that every time I play it. I get yelled at and called stupid for freezing up at some cards. No one wants to be my partner, because I always lose. I sometimes think that parties would be a lot more fun without me because it would be more of a challenge if I wasn’t playing. So anyway, I wanted to play taboo, but Jen didn’t want to because she was tired which I understand because she works a lot. By this time the more I sipped my drink, the more depressed I was getting. I went upstairs to “go to the bathroom” but I fucking cried. I cried goddamnit. I knew I shouldn’t have been mad, or sad, or anything, but I was. The alcohol made my emotions wild. There I was sitting on Fran’s toilet with tears running down my face.

I stayed in the bathroom until my cheeks weren’t so puffy, and my eyes weren’t so red and went back down stairs. By this time Jen went to bed, Brittany was laying on the floor, curled in a ball, falling asleep, Melany was watching Charmed on the TV, and Fran was upstairs, on the couch, eating chili dip, and watching TV. I felt so empty. What got to me the most was we didn’t even toast to my birthday.

Curiosity killed the cat, but insecurity is killing me:

I try really hard to be a good boyfriend but sometimes I find myself trying too hard, and I get annoyed with myself. Tonight, after I fought with my mom, Brittany and I went on a double date with my friend Christina and her boyfriend James. I was actually excited to go on the date because I haven’t met James and Christina wanted my approval (even though they’ve been going out for over a year and it didn’t matter what I thought). Anyway, before the date Brittany was acting weird, like she sometimes does because she knows it pisses me off. We go on the date. We met them at Applebee’s at 7:30, ate, and then went to Expressions. The date was over by 10:15. Brittany and I didn’t know what to do, but we didn’t want to go to my house because of the whole fight with my mom thing. I suggested we hang out with Fran because I knew she wanted to hang out with us tonight. Brittany agreed. We really needed to pee so I stopped at Stop & Shop so we can use the bathrooms. In there I noticed she was acting weird again, and me, being me started to get worried because I automatically thought that I did something wrong. We get back to the car and she didn’t speak to me. When I asked what was wrong she said nothing. I then bugged her for a few minutes until things were sort of right again. I leaned over to her and asked her a question. A question that I’ve asked her a few times before, but I fear is true. She then told me I’m really insecure, and you know what. She’s right. I never realized until tonight, just how insecure I am. I always think I’m wrong. I always blame myself when something happens. I always apologize for things that I didn’t even do. I don’t know why I do it. I try so hard to be perfect. I try so hard to be myself, but I think that no one likes me. I have this fear that I’m going to say something, do something wrong and Brittany’s going to break up with me. And I don’t know why. I know she wouldn’t, and it makes it sound like I think she’s a psycho who gets mad at me all the time and that isn’t the case at all. I’m afraid. It’s plane and simple. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’ve seen heartbreak, and I don’t want it. I want to be perfect. I want to do everything right. I want to make her smile, and be the perfect boyfriend around her family, but I can’t. I’m afraid of not being liked. I always feel like I’m wrong. Sometimes I’ll text her and not get a text back because she was busy (or her phone broke -_- ) and I get so paranoid. I think I’m hated, forgotten, dumped. I need to be told I’m loved, I need to be told I’m special, but when I am I kind of feel like I’m being lied to. I can’t accept it. I think I’m being told it because I’m pitied. Each day I warm up to the idea of talking to a shrink more and more but I don’t want to. What I really want is to just talk to Brittany, but I can’t. I don’t think she wants to talk or listen to me. I think that my family life mixes into my relationships with others too much.

Monday, June 16, 2008

I’m gonna Rouge my knees…

Last night was another Palma party except this time instead of a few Palmas sitting in a back yard, sharing a bottle of wine; it was a few more Palmas, on a dance floor, drunk. Alyssa Palma turned 16 yesterday and I had the pleasure of crashing her birthday party. The day started with Brittany and me going shopping for clothes to wear to the sweet 16. I woke up around noon, took a shower, got dressed, and picked Brittany up. The first stop was Khols, but there was nothing there. Next was Mandee’s, but again nothing. I decided to take a trip to the mall since we were in ‘the same area’ and hopefully find something in there.

Brittany and I park, look in Macy’s, nothing. We then look in H&M, and the one dress Brittany did like was a little too casual for a sweet 16. By this time Brittany was getting mad, so I got a pretzel, a slushie, and told her we’re trying one more store. An hour and a half and a numb arm later, Brittany was in XXI trying on eight different dresses. The one dress we both really liked was a cream baby doll dress, that buttoned to the neck, had a little poof sleeve, and sat just above her knees. It was fucking adorable. The only problem was it was completely shear. Brittany called me over to the dressing room, opened her curtain and said

“Guess what color underwear I’m wearing”. I then got yelled at for being in the dressing room because no one with a penis is allowed in, which is stupid because what if I had something to try on? That wouldn’t be fair to not let me try something on because XXI doesn’t have a guy’s dressing room….

Anyway, it’s now 4:30 and I drop Brittany home. I get back to my house, get dressed and head back out the door. For all of you who don’t know, I bought a vest for this party two weeks ago. I gave myself a 15lb limit to lose. I, for some reason, could not do it. I decided not to wear the vest, but go with a black long sleeve hidden button shirt, black pin striped pants, black pointed toe shoes, and a hot pink tie. I looked fucking smashing.

I get to Brittany’s house around 6ish but her car is missing. I call her to see if she’s home, but she was sent out to buy a card for Alyssa…and with her luck the card store closed down, CVS was moving so they were closed, and poor Brittany was stuck getting a card at path mark, and I to sit awkwardly in her house while the rest of the family ran around and got dressed.

Brittany arrived back, with a card, threw her purse across the room, and got dressed. About ten minutes later so emerged from her room in a black cotton dress, curly red hair, and hot pink heels. The perfect match for my outfit. Together, Brittany and I could have stopped traffic, that’s how good we looked. Brittany’s mom ran around the house telling everyone to hurry up, then telling them to brush their teeth, and then telling them to hurry up again. Everyone’s about to leave and there’s Devon, standing in front of the mirror checking herself out.

“What? I’m checking myself out. If you got it, flaunt it”

There I was giggling in the background as the whole Palma clan got ready.

We got in the car, Mr. and Mrs. Palma in the front, Brittany and her extremely hot boyfriend in the middle, and Devon and Frankie in the back (we were on our way to pick up Danny). Britt’s dad put in a CD before backing out of the driveway, and the first some that comes on is ‘Break the ice” by Britney Spears. I died a little. I thought seeing her dad lying on the ground, spread eagle, crying with laughter was the funniest thing I saw him do, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. Not only was he spitting out all the lyrics I desperately wanted to sing, but he had some moves to go with them. I started tapping my foot, shaking my head, humming along and then got pinched because I wasn’t allowed to embarrass Brittany. She gave me a few rules to follow…most of which basically told me to pretend I was someone else, and I was to listen to them or else…

…well I did, to a point.

Once the music started I was out there shaking my salt shaker, slapping my booty, bringing sexy back, thrusting in my apple bottom jeans. I can’t help it; I was born with rhythm. Like Devon said, if you got it flaunt it. Speaking of which, Devon and I had a Krump off…it was fucking awesome. There I was shaking all over in front of Brittany’s family, who some I just met for the first time (including Aunt Dori (spelling?) who reminded me a lot of my aunt Jen, only a lot prettier, and apparently loved me). I love rules so much.

Slow dancing with Brittany was a lot of fun. I’ll admit, I am not the best slow dancer, but once I get a rhythm, I’m okay at it, like Taboo: I just need to screw up a little before I rock it. It felt right moving to the music, holding her as we sway back and forth…it would have felt better if Frankie wasn’t right next to us though. Britt and I were convinced, even though it was denied, that her dad sent Frankie to spy on us, and follow us the entire night. Everywhere we went BOOM! There was Frankie, apparating from the ceiling, jumping out from bushes, hiding inside my shirt…and when it wasn’t Frankie, it was Brittany’s dad cutting in while we were dancing, hugging us, grinding with Brittany’s mom five inches next to us…but hey, I’d do the same to my daughter…it’s a father thing.

I don’t think there is anything else to say about the party…except at one point Devon came out in a bright purple…I mean violet flapper dress and the entire Palma crew busted out laughing (because she was making fun of one of their aunts)…’twas fun.

The van ride back was extra super fun because it was thundering and lightening out, raining buckets of water and the Palma van doesn’t have windshield wipers that work. At one point Brittany leans over and goes:

“Our windshield wipers are broke” and I looked at her and said
“Really? I just thought your family liked to live a little dangerously”…which I’m sure they do. Driving without wipers is the new ‘Loser’; the first person to crash is the loser. Oh Palmas.

Also, on the ride back, Devon, Danny, Mrs. P, and I sucked in helium from the 50million balloons that Devon took. That was fun.

The rest of the night was just saying goodbye in the rain, and driving home, listened to harry potter, text Brittany, and went to bed…

June 14th, 2008, I made my decision: I love the Palma family.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

KB toys

this was a project i did my senior year.

KB Toys is the nation’s largest combined mall-based and online specialty toy retailer operating more than 1,300 stores in four formats within all 50 states, the District of Columbia, the American Territory of Guam and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico. KB also offers Online Shopping at

KB Toys' world headquarters in Pittsfield, Massachusetts, provides its stores with vital support in all areas. Our more than 400 Home Office associates come from a variety of backgrounds and bring a wealth of skills and knowledge to staff functions such as buying, store operations, finance, distribution, human resources, purchasing, marketing and information systems.

How did we get started you might ask. that’s a very good question: KB Toys' history dates back to 1922 when the company was founded as a wholesale confectionery business, known as Kaufman Brothers (that would be such a cool band name). In the beginning, the company sold candy and soda fountain supplies to New England-area merchants. During the 1940s, a toy wholesaler who purchased candy from Kaufman Brothers ( K.B, get it? haha) offered the toy company as payment for debts outstanding to Kaufman Brothers. Wanting to diversify due to the shortages of key ingredients for the production of candy during World War II, Kaufman Brothers agreed to assume operation of the company and change the company's name to K-B Toy & Hobby Stores(say that 5 times fast).

By 1948, the toy side of the business had far out-paced the confectionery business, and management decided to concentrate solely on the toy business. In 1959, again to diversify, Kaufman Brothers opened its first retail toy store in Winsted, Connecticut. Additional stores were opened in the following years, and soon it became apparent that the retail business offered greater opportunities and profitability than did the wholesale business(take that Geoffrey).

In 1973, the Kaufman Brothers boogied down to some groovy music holding their afros in place with Aquanet hairspray =]. Ooo, they also managed to open 26 stores. The Kaufman Brothers discontinued its wholesale business and began operating exclusively as a toy and hobby retailer. The company began opening stores in enclosed mall shopping centers at an accelerated pace. By 1976 K-B Toy & Hobby had grown to 65 stores in New England, New York and New Jersey, and in 1977 changed its name to Kay-Bee Toy and Hobby Shops (big change), Inc., to distinguish the company from other toy companies with names designated with initials (uhh huuuh…?).

In 1981, Kay-Bee, with 210 stores, changed its name to Kay-Bee Toy Stores, and became a subsidiary of Rye, New York-based Melville Corporation. Since that time, three major acquisitions have dramatically increased the Kay-Bee chain: the 52-store Toy World chain in 1982; the 330-store Circus World Toys chain in 1990; and the 133-store K & K Toys chain in 1991.

Kay-Bee was sold in May 1996 by Melville Corporation to the multi-billion dollar Columbus, Ohio-based Consolidated Stores Corporation, a leading retailer and wholesaler of closeout merchandise. Kay-Bee Toy Stores name and logo officially changed to KB Toys in late 1996. Consolidated merged its Toy Liquidators and The Amazing Toy Store stores into KB Toys.

KB Toys celebrated its 75th Anniversary in 1997. KB Toys launched its website,, in April 1997, which featured the latest information on hot toys, great values and special promotions available at KB's more than 1,300 retail stores nationwide. In November 1998, the website expanded to offer an online shopping , which provides a unique selection of high quality toys, collectibles and limited edition exclusives, some of which are not generally available in stores.

In December 2000, KB Toys again became a privately held company through a management buyout funded by Bain Capital, Inc. The new company includes all KB Toys divisions including: KB Toys, KB Toy Works, KB Toy Outlet/Toy Liquidator, and KB Toy Express; and online businesses, and

In April 2001, KB Toys further expanded its online presence by launching The website focuses on serving the underserved market for wholesale and closeout toys, offering convenient, online access to low-priced merchandise in case pack quantities.

Also in April 2001, KB Toys acquired key assets of as part of eToys’ bankruptcy proceedings. Liquidated inventory representing more than $40 million in merchandise at retail prices was purchased for a substantially discounted price.

KB Toys acquired additional eToys’ assets in May 2001. These assets include intellectual property, such as eToys’ trade names, logos, URLs and trademarks; and services.
Global or local: global

In October of 2005, KB Toys did something that changed the world… they hired Andrew Meissner, a hard working 16 year old. Andrew likes long walks on the beach, chocolate flips, Harry Potter, movies, reading, art, and talking. Since the entering of Meissner, or as he was known: Bazaro Tom ( long story ) the world of KB changed…for the better of course.

Okay, well what about the goods? You know…the toooys sucka!! Over the years, they have established excellent working relationships with some of the best-known names in toy manufacturing including Mattel, Disney, Hasbro, Fisher-Price, Milton Bradley, Parker Brothers, Tiger, Bandai, Sony and Nintendo. KB Toys also develops exclusive toys available only at KB and has established a following of collectors who seek KB Toys' limited edition, special merchandise.

Wanna be a KB soldier? Careful selection and training of our field associates is all part of providing our customers with a positive shopping experience. A comprehensive field training process has been successful in preparing associates to manage our unique business and serve the needs of the customer. From the regional vice-presidents and district sales managers to store managers and assistant managers to store associates -- our field personnel know how to serve customers in an efficient, friendly manner( why usually talks about the customers when they leave ^_^ ).