Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I think I’ll miss this one this year.

Hmm…it’s new years eve. In less than two hours it will be 2009. 2008 seemed to flash by in a blur, right? It seems like it was just yesterday that I was getting ready to go to Jons house and party it up with my best friend, Fran, my girlfriend, Brittany, and my favorite bunny lovin’ buddy, Jenny. Last new years eve was awesome. It was my first time just doing whatever and partying. I didn’t stay home with my family, nor did I go to someone’s house and just chill.

January: the only thing that sticks out in my mind from January 2008 was Hairspray. Brittany got us tickets for Christmas and it was my favorite gift ever. I loved that show. So much.

February: the second month was the Spice Girls concert. Fran and I went to see our favorite British girl band in the world. Nothing will compete with that…maybe not even Britney Spears’s concert this march.

March: march was march. That was it.

April: Jenny’s birthday. Sleepovers, and lovin.

May: may. May may may. What happened in may? I don’t remember *shifty eyes* um…the end of classes and the start of summer break.

June: birthday week. Car stereo, going to a bar for the first time, the start of the best summer.

July: Six flags! Taking Brittany to the city for her interview with the police academy and walking around and riding the subways for the first time with bffl. Meeting family, drinking, laying around and doing nothing.

August: I cut my hair. Everything started to change. New semester, Brittany started the academy, Fran got a new roommate, Jen stopped working at KB as much, but life was still good.

September: started getting discounts on hairdye again (thanks Bffl), skipping class to go to the mall.

October: Halloween, distance, parties, hospital, change.

November: November, fuck November. Thanksgiving, black Friday, heart break. Then it all went still.

December: here I am, sitting at Frans dinning room table, on my laptop that I just got for Christmas…Christmas that just passed but doesn’t feel like it. New years is a blur. I’m stuck in the past. I can’t remember what’s been happening. KB is closing. The economy sucks. I dropped out of school. I don’t know what to do. I’m the third wheel for one in my life, and I’ll do anything to numb that feeling. I’m never home; I’m always working, or out, or thinking. This year needs to end, and so does the next one (because we all know 2009 will be a bad year). Let’s go back to December 31st 2007, and wake up January 1st, 2010. Thanks.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Too many street lights.

Today. Today was pretty freaking cool. My brothers had hockey practice, so I was able to sleep in fo real real. Like one oclock real. I woke up and called my poppy because it was his birthday. I got dressed, and was going to go to the park, but decided, after driving there, that I didn’t want to, so I drove home, got changed, and drove over to my nanny and poppys house.

Before going there I stopped at shop rite and picked up a carvel ice cream cake, and some candles. My nanny, poppy, and I went to chilis for dinner and I got really really good chicken tacos. Like REALLY good. Maybe my new favorite dish there. After dinner, we ate cake (which I recorded on my webcam for fun), then I hung out with them for a while.

Next I went to Best buy and bought The Office: season four. Jen and I decided that we were going to hang out and I was going to give her her gifts. So I went home, cleaned my room a bit, and then Jenny came on over.

For Christmas I published one of Jens books, and I think she really liked it ^_^ I mean, she was speachless…which is more of a response than I thought of. I’m really glad she was happy with it. I also threw in The House Bunny because it was such a good movie.

Next we went to Starbucks, and got yummy fraps and then I curled her hair with her new curling iron which comes with its own glove because that’s how hot it gets…seriously. I could feel the heat even with the glove on.

We talked a bit and then decided we wanted to have a sleepover…I believe the conversation went like this:

Jen: Andrew, I wish you were a girl, so we can have sleepovers
Me: please jen, like I haven’t had a girl sleep over before
Jen: I’m not allowed to sleep over boys houses…
Me: but how come you can sleep over jons?
Jen: because my mom knows I’m fucking him
Me: so tell her you’re sleeping over Frans…or we can sleep at Frans

Then we drove over to Frans, without telling her we were sleeping over…*giggle*

At Frans we wanted to stay up and talk and work on the webshow we want to start, but we played Singstar instead…for like three hours…

Now I’m laying on the couch in the basement, and jens on the air mattress probably hating me right now for typing because she needs to get up in like three and a half hours…so I guess I’ll go now…


the way you walk,
the way you talk,
the way you say my name its beautiful,
wonderful dont u ever change

Sunday, December 28, 2008

When did you become a Robocop?

I had a really good day. I woke up, didn’t have a hangover, and then went to work. Work was dead, so I drew most of my shift. After work I went out with Sam. She’s never been to the Outback, so I took her there. While there we talked. Like really talked and my level of respect for her increased tremendously. Sam is one of those people that you can tell anything to, and you know she won’t judge you no matter what. And she’s one of those people that can tell you anything and you still have the same outlook on her. After Outback we went back to her house and played Life: twist and turn edition. That game is sooo awesome! It’s all electronic so there is no money; you have a visa card. I need that game. I really want to start having game nights. I think it would be really fun. Like twice a month everyone gets together and plays a board game. That would be really cool.

Anyway, I want to start a web show. About what? I don’t know, but I think it would be fun to just record myself and see what people think about it. Of course I wouldn’t be alone; Fran and Jenny (and whoever wants to help) will be on it too. I think that Jen can record herself singing and then we can post it on youtube and then we’ll all get famous ^_^
That’s about it. Peace.

Stop...drop...roll...pop bitch I'm cold....

I Ain't used to being told stop
So I could never be your robot

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm mm mm Mm

I'm writing this in Fran's bathroom. why? because i can. muahahah!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Outragous when i';m at a party!

i am a few things:

3)horny (but you didn't need to know that)
9)ready to play Singstar
12)texting Angie
13)Fraqn and Ryan are habing sex upstairs right now
14) i'm in the basement waiting for Bffl because we;re going to play singstar
15)going to regret posting this tomorrow morning....

...speaking of which; I have work tomorrow from 12-5. lalala.

I miss having someone to cuddle with. i miss cuddles.


peace out.

burn burn burn, baby burn.

i have off. on a saturday. weird, huh? i don't know what to do with myself. i think i want to get another tattoo today, but i don't want to spend money (tehe). i really should go to the bank because i have a check i have to deposit, and the bank closes in 40 minutes, and if i don't go today i have to wait til monday...eek. i should get dressed and go, but my bed is really comfortable. i'm sitting in bed with Joanie (my laptop), and we're just chillin.

i had a weird dream last night/this morning. i dreamed that i stole a car and was being chased my the police, and i drove the car into an adult shop to hide, and somehow they found me...then i made "friends" with them, and i went to a piercing place to get my penis pierced (which is something i might day, but it's another one of those "i don't know" things).

then i drove to some one's house and talked to them for a little then got kicked out because i was "unwelcome there" but my dad was there because he and his friend was hunting on their lawn. fucking crazy, huh?

anyway, Christmas was two days ago. i had fun, but i wished that i had something else to do. Christmas here is always the same, and it would have been nice not to be home, but at someone elses house. i got my laptop, and money, and new bed sheets, and cologne, and The house bunny dvd, and awesome robot lamp from Fran, and a new sketchbook, and markers, and a few gift cards and such.

Iiiight, i really should get to the bank *sulk*. peace out.

so watch me strike a match
on all my wasted time
as far as i'm concerned
you're just another picture to burn

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I almost didn't notice all the roses.

I cannot believe that it is Christmas eve. It does not feel like it at all. I’m seriously like “wooah”

Shopping is a therapy for me. Seriously. I always feel better after I spend money. Tonight, after work I went to target. I bought myself:

-two Taylor swift Cds
-a t shirt
-two lamps
-a small silver bedside lamp with a white shade (that I might draw on)
-a tall, black stand up lamp with three heads.
-bottled waters
-a new feather pillow
-orange sheets
-blue sheets
-a brown bed skirt
-car air fresheners
-face wash
-100 calorie packs
-chex mix
-peach detox tea

I think that’s it. I spent $200 and I felt really good. Sometimes I feel guilty for spending money, but not tonight. I felt really really happy. When I got home I cleaned my room, remade my bed (with blue sheets) and am going to use my new pillow tonight. I needed a change. My old sheets and pillows were…old, and boring, and dull.
^_^ I love me.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Ohh shyei, oh shyei

Two things that I never thought I’d do:

Number one: become addicted to a video game. Melany went out and bought Singstar the other night. It’s a karaoke game for Playstation, and it’s fucking awesome. I mean AWESOME! It’s so addicting. Mel, Fran and I stayed up for hours singing our hearts out and making it into a drinking game. Seven shots later Mel and I were on the floor. I never ever sung in front of either of them the way that that game makes me sing. My voice went horse from belting my favorite songs. The game is so addicting that Fran went out and bought another version of it yesterday. So Fran, Ryan and I played last night, and naturally, we made it into a drinking game again. Two nights in a row I toasted to losing a game to Fran, that fuck face magee.

Number two: have a celebrity crush. Fran has Prince William, Jen has what’s his face (spike from Buffy), my mom has Toby Keith, and I have Taylor swift. I thought she was cute when she first became popular, and I will admit that Teardrops on my Guitar was a little annoying when it came out, but listening to her more and more her voice makes me week in the knees. I’m not a big fan of country music, but I’d listen to it with her. Okay, okay, she dated a Jonas brother, but whatever. Don’t judge.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


私は考えるのをやめることができません。 私はそれを止めることができません。 私はそれを止める必要があります。 私は孤独です。 私は彼女がいなくて残念に思います。 私は彼女を持って、彼女にキスして、彼女と一緒にいるのを逃します。 私はばか野郎〔尻の穴〕です。 私がただどのように何かを貸すことができたか離れてのその重要なスリップ〔誤り〕? 公平ではありません。 私は考えて、考えて、自分を具合が悪くします。 それがあなたのように感じる具合が悪いことが投げ上げるはずののどの後ろのそのかたまり. 私は泣きたいです、しかし、自分にそれをさせません。 私は泣きくずれて、全部を出すことを望んでいます。 私は彼女と話をしないか、あるいは彼女の言うことを聞くのを逃します。 私は彼女と戦うのを逃します。 それは壊されますか? 私が彼女を持っているのを逃して私に腹を立てています。 私は彼女を愛しています。 私は常にそうします。 私は彼女を除く他の人と自分に会うことができません。 私たちがお互いを傷つけるだけ、私は彼女を必要としています。 私は彼女を必要としています。 私が彼女と同居して、毎朝彼女の隣で目覚めて、ベッドの前で彼女にキスすることを望んでいる 毎晩と私。 私はこれに起こらせることのために自分に腹を立てています。 私は決して以前これまで生命〔生活〕の何も惜しみませんでした。 私はその週末を惜しみます。 私は赤ん坊だったことを残念に思います。 私は感情を遠くに行かせすぎて、全部を壊したことを残念に思います。 私はとても彼女がいなくて残念に思います。 私は彼女の夢を見ずにある夜行くことができません。 私は本気です。 私は彼女のないある夜夢の1つの中に破裂しに行っていません。 悲しくなることなしで私は例えば彼女の名前で内でそうすることができません。 私は、私に彼女を思い出させる幻を見続けます。 私は時間を逆行させたいです。 私は私との彼女の後ろが欲しくて、...これまで彼女を愛しているのをやめることができると思いません。

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I am a weapon of massive consumption.

I am so full. Not even normal full, but I ate too much, I can feel it in the back of my throat kind of full. I feel like a giant ball. I am not eating tomorrow. It is going to take a full 24 hours to digest all this food that is in me. I feel absolutely disgusting. It’s gross…

Anyway, I went shopping with Jenny today ^_^ I love shopping with her because she never tells me not to buy something. Instead of “Andrew, you don’t need that” she says “Ooo…they’re on sale…buy both”. That is what I need to hear sometimes. Shopping for me is a medicine. It makes me feel good. It numbs everything. But unfortunately it doesn’t have a permanent affect; once the medicine wears off you are ill again, and you need more. I wish I had an unlimited supply of money and I could just shop all the time. You can never buy too much; that’s my philosophy.

KB is closing. It’s sad, but I’m kind of happy. I see it as a chance for all of us to move on. It feels like a graduation. A KB school graduation. I’ve wanted to leave for a while, but I always found a reason to stay. The store just sucks you in. Fran and Brittany left. It seems like they were the only ones who can resist the bug light that is KB toys. Jen and I talked a little about it today; we’re going to miss the people the most. The store itself is whatever. The customers can fuck themselves, but the people we met there we’ll miss. It’s going to be weird texting Karen or Dave… or LINDA just to hang out, and we can’t just hang out with them alone, we need to hang out all together. We’ve become some weird family and it’s kind of like our parents are getting a divorce and we’re all being separated. I am happy though. I think by closing we’re all going to be doing something a lot better with our lives. Dave can finally get a teaching job, Linda might actually make Randy get a job, I will somehow find what I want to do in life, and Karen will have more time to herself. I think she needs it the most. She works way too hard, and it’s time for a break; we all think so.

Fran, Ryan and I went to see the day the earth stood still the other night, and I thought it was really good. I didn’t see the original (or at least I don’t remember seeing it), so I had nothing to compare it to, but it was pretty good. I really liked the moral of the story (even though we will never change). I think that they pulled it off well, but people just don’t get it. The people sitting next to us, watching the same movie about saving the environment left their fucking garbage on their seats when the movie was over. I just don’t understand people. Society is made up of ass holes.

I need new boxers. I’m getting sick of the ones I own. I keep going to the store to buy new ones but I just don’t like any of the ones out right now. Target had the best ones and they don’t have them anymore and it sucks because I really want more. I’ve bought some but I don’t wear them because they just aren’t…special I guess ^_^

Ok cupid has taken over my life. I’m constantly checking my page to see who’s stalked me and it’s getting sick. I’m talking to three girls right now and they are all really really nice, but two of them live 400 miles away, and one is…has a really good personality *grin* I miss being hugged. I really do. Sometimes I feel like the third wheel when I hang out with people. Out of our group, I’m basically the only single person, and it sucks. I want to hang out with people, but I always feel bad because I know that they would much rather be with their significant other (I know I would)…it’s like Who am I supposed to hang out with and not feel bad for doing it? I miss going to the store and seeing stupid little things and laughing to myself about it because it’s an inside joke, or looking at my phone and seeing I have a new message that isn’t from someone I texted first. Sigh. It’s the season. Christmas can be the happiest time of year, or the saddest, and I didn’t think I’d ever be kind of sad during Christmas. All I want to Christmas is that feeling. You go so long without it and you never know how amazing it is, then you have it and you don’t want to let it go, then you lose it and you miss it, and everything reminds you of it. I listened to Taylor Swifts new song, Love story, and I fucking cried. It isn’t even that good of a song, but I got chills up my spine, and Goosebumps all over and tears in my eyes. I’m a big pussy, I know. Shut up.

I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless

'Cuz everyone knows that's how you get famous
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track yeah I'm on to a winner

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Beautiful nightmare.

I think I’m addicted to writing blogs since I have no life. It seems like all I do is work, then come home and write a blog. Well tonight Jen and I went to how may and then went to see Bolt! That movie was fucking adorable. I remember seeing a preview for it a few months ago and not wanting to see it. I thought it looked really stupid…but I guess it’s the movies that you don’t have any expectations for are the best, huh? Well…this movie was so cute!!!! I need to have it on dvd!

While in the theater, we watched a very slowly blinking screen with the words “up next: your feature presentation” for about a half an hour and sung along to the Christmas music that was playing…the best part of it was when Jen turns to me and says “What if I have a case of really slowly active epilepsy and I start having a seizure”? I almost peed myself. It came out of nowhere and was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
That is all for now. Night.

Look at my title. Have you ever had one of them? I have. I hate them. They are a dream so good that when you wake up, and realize that they’re not real, you feel awful. I’ve been getting them a lot, and they suck.

Clouds filled with stars cover your skies
And I hope it rains
You're the perfect lullaby
What kinda dream is this

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Too much she say, he say

I’m going to kill my hamster. She is pissing me off. All I hear is her trying to escape from her cage, and somehow she does it. There is even a lock on the damn thing, but Olive has to be a fucking ninja doesn’t she?

Annnywaaay…I should really be getting to bed; it’s 1:03 in the morning, and I have to be up in like six hours. I’m going to drive Frannycakes back to ye ol Hofstra, then I gots me some work at 10. This new kid, Dennis stabbed himself with Jens epi pen and had to go to the hospital…so I’m starting an hour earlier tomorrow to pick up the slack of tonight. Oh new kids.
There is noone *that* attractive on okcupid. It must be so much easier being a girl on that site…I bet every (slutty) girl on there had tons of messages each day…because men are pigs, and will message anything with tits. Sigh.

I have Miley cyrus’s new song stuck in my head. I hate liking bad songs, it just irritates me. *shakes head*

I’ma gonna go read now. Peace.

Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?
A creepy little sneaky little fly on the wall?
All my precious secrets, yeah, you'd know them all
Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?

Monday, December 8, 2008

My face like a mannequin.

So Okcupid is addicting. Fuck you, Fran, and your ability to start trends. I keep reloading my page just to see who’s stalking me or sending me messages or who submitted a new test and what not. I’m not really on there to find someone or anything, but it is fun to see how many people look at your profile and shit. Right now I’m in the middle of a message conversation with some girl from Lake Grove about the Twilight series. I know, right? Anyway, she seems cool, but she is in no way my dating material. Fo realz. I don’t want to sound mean, but I have standards. Anyways…all I do is work. Work. Work. Work. Work. Work. I went to the bagel store for Linda and Erin today (because they wanted hot chocolate and I had no problem leaving work to stand on line for them). On the way I passed Payless. I walked in and said hi to this girl Janelle (who actually has an okcupid account…and is pretty cute…and knows my friend Rebecca [whom I hung out with the other night and it was super fun…more to come later] ^_^) and she said “Andrew, don’t you have a life”? to which I answered “no” and “anything to get out of that store. I seriously don’t like the new kids” we talked for a little then I actually went to the bagel store.

Like I said earlier: I hung out with Rebecca the other night. It was super fun. I had work till 7:30 so I just drove over to her house after. We just talked and watched Old school and But I’m a cheerleader and laughed and stuff. We made pizza and ate brownies out of the pan with forks. It was really nice to see her. I seriously think it was a year since we last hung out, but it felt like we hang out all the time. There are just some friends that you don’t need to see all the time to feel like you do, and Rebecca is one of those friends. I’ve known her for like fourteen years and it never gets boring when we chill (regardless it’s like twice a year, but still).

HOLY FUCK! How could I let this stay in for so long? I got tickets to the CIRCUS (brought to you by Britney Spears). Hell yeah! I’m going to see Britney in concert for the third time. I can’t fucking wait! It’s March 23rd at the Nassau coliseum. I’m so pumped! Should be awesome!
I should bounce now. I’m getting tired (but I get to sleep in late tomorrow. I don’t have work until two). Ciao.

I cannot help myself, I'm just doing what I do

Help myself to get anything I want so thank you
I like it and I do what I like
And then you do what I like and you like it

Sunday, December 7, 2008

party monster.

sometimes i wish i were a celebrity.

for we are living in the age of the thing.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Everybody gonna trip just like a circus.

I love showering. I love washing myself and feeling clean. I love stepping out of the tub and drying myself off and feeling the coolness of the post shower hit my skin. I love running a towel through my hair and watching it curl. I hate the way it dries most of the time, but u like it wet. I love going to bed after a shower even more. Especially if you have new sheets! I love the way the cotton feels against my bare skin. It’s like…I don’t know…awesome. I hate feeling clean and shiny and walking into a dirty room though. My room isn’t dirty, but it needs to be vacuumed pretty badly, and our vacuum is a piece of shit and doesn’t pick up anything at the moment.

I also love texting. I love feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket because I know that someone is talking to me. I love my ipod, and family guy, and ugly betty. I love a lot of things right now. And grape soda. I love grape soda with pizza (which is what I had for dinner tonight). I have a lot of love to give away. CUDDLES! I love cuddles and I want to cuddle right now!! RIGHT NOW DAMNIT!! Tehe. I’m going to go read now. Peace.

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins
Spotlight on me and i'm ready to break
I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage
Better be ready, hope that ya feel the same

Monday, December 1, 2008

Well at least I don't have all the power in the world so I can't fuck everything else up

Listen, I’m not going to sugarcoat this, so deal, k? I’ve been in a rut for almost three weeks now, and I’m sick of it. I just want to be myself again. I’ve been trying to occupy myself and not let myself be home or anywhere alone. I’m trying really hard to keep myself from thinking. Thank god it is the Christmas season or I wouldn’t be working so much. Work is the only place I can be 100% distracted, and I don’t want to leave it. I hate when my shift’s over (and I’ve been working non stop 10+ hour shifts). I hate going home because when I’m here I know I can think; I know I can go over things in my mind that I don’t want to go over but I do anyway.

I’m not going to lie, I’m hurt. Really hurt. There is still a hole inside of me that I don’t know if it’ll be fixed anytime soon. I know that she’ll read this, but I don’t care right now. I loved Brittany, and I know she loved me too, and yes, it sucks that we broke up, but if it wasn’t going to work out why should we stay? The thing that gets me the worst is that we’re supposed to be friends. Friends. Something that I want to be with her. I hate not talking to her, I hate not seeing her. I hate not getting responds to texts I sent her (but hey, she doesn’t respond to anyone), and I hate not knowing anything that’s happening. Now I know how Jen and Fran feel; they lived their friendship with her through me. They’d ask me how she was doing because they didn’t talk to her for weeks at a time. If Brittany wants to just be friends with me I’m going to deal with that. I would rather have her just as a friend than not have her at all. I’m slowly getting over everything, but the lack of not hearing from her isn’t helping. Out of sight out of mind, right? Well…healing with no sight sucks because eventually we’ll forget about each other and not care about each other. I’ve been trying really hard to see her but I’m being ignored. I don’t want pity or anything, and I know I shouldn’t be posting this, but I don’t want to hold it in, and maybe by posting this it’ll help? I don’t know. If we are friends than why do I feel like I was tossed aside? Friends talk to each other, right? They don’t just ignore what the other person is saying. Maybe she needs more time, or maybe she just fucking hates me and wants nothing to do with me. Either way, I just want her to be happy. *shrugs*. Maybe I wasn’t the best boyfriend, but I want to be a great friend, and I don’t even feel like a friend right now. I’m not a mind reader, so I don’t know what’s going on in her head, but I think that I put out there (many times) how I feel about everything…*grimace*

I’m really thankful for my friends (actual friends). If it weren’t for Fran, Melany, and Jen I would be a fucking mess.

Fran: she’s my best friend. We’ve known each other for six years, and I can always be myself around her. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. She’s the only friend that I feel over 100% comfortable around and I can just drive over to her house (or dorm), walk in and be like “what up”? And it’ll be fine. Fran’s the most level-headed person I know, and will tell me like it is. She doesn’t tell me things I want to hear, but things I need to hear. I really don’t know who I’d be if I never met her. She’s a good old buddy, old pal, and I know that if we ever lost touch with each other and we just bumped into each other on the streets in ten years it would be like nothing changed’ we’d still be us, laughing about random things and being retarded

Melany (bffl): I can tell her the things that I don’t want to tell anyone else. Bffl and I have some weird kind of connection between us; it’s like we’re kind of the same person (only completely different), she kind of makes any fears of mine go away, and I become more adventures when I’m with her. Like Friday, if I were with anyone else I would have never thought of going to the mall on the craziest day of the year. =)

Jenny: what can I say? Jen is fucking awesome. She’s as sensitive as I am, and I know that I can talk to her about something that upset me and she’ll completely understand. Within a year her and I have gotten a million times closer. Jenny is the only person I feel 100% comfortable singing around, because I know that she won’t make fun of me for being horrible, and she is the only one from our group that still works at KB with me, and working with her is always fun. The other day in target I told her she was the Jacob to my Bella (without the whole love thing going on), but she can always make me feel better and kind of fills that hole inside of me.

As far as other friends, I’m really thankful of you too, but these three have helped me soooo much and they are the best!

Sometimes I think that you hate me
And other times I think you that you think I'm endearing
Well sometimes I just don't know you at all
Even though I'd like to think I was a bit of a know it all
Sometimes I just can't work you out
Even though I'd like to know what you were about