Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hers is a Tonic, mine is a Gin.

Okay, so I was looking through my “possible matches” on Cupid, when I realized that there are some really skanky girls on this site. Seriously, do you think that all men want a slut? Well, I don’t. there are way too many girls on this site that are showing off their tits or ass on their display picture; and you know what? You’re only showing them off because you don’t think you’re attractive enough, or you’re self conscious, and have low self esteem so you think that you’ll catch a guy by putting out. The thing that sucks is these girls are probably really nice, and they are probably the ones who get hurt the most, because men are skum bags and will say anything to get laid. Anyway, if you aren’t a ho, or desperate, here’s something *I* am looking for in a girl:

I’m pretty shallow, sooo…you must be pretty. Not slutty pretty, but cute pretty. I find that being cute is prettier than being hot. I hardly call someone hot, so if I do, be honored -_^.
You like cats more than dogs
You’ll sing with me in the car (even though I am a horrible singer). If you’re a bad singer, way to go: two bads make a good =)
You don’t mind I like chick flicks and wont make fun of me for it (that jokingly way is okay)
You don’t mind that I will cook for you
You have glasses =) =)
You aren’t too tall, I aint want no Amazon woman.
You like star bucks as much as I do
You’re always up for an adventure (because I can’t sit still, but I’m lazy)
You like lingerie (heeeeeey)
If you can draw, that’s a plus, if not I’ll teach you.
You’ll laugh at religion avec moi.
You’ll record stupid videos with me.
We’ll go to blockbuster, rent the most retarded movie there, and tear it apart =)
You’ll steal my clothes and refuse to give them back, no matter how much I beg.
You like sleepovers ^_^
You give good hand massages
I will constantly text you, don’t get annoyed.
You’ll tell me how you feel, not say “I’m fine” -_-
You Don’t mind I’m a huge baby
Ya classy, and by classy I mean you’ll sip cheap wine out of plastic cups.
You like to cuddle
You’re smart. Brains are sexy,
You’ll let me go on and on about how awesome I am, but you know I don’t mean it in any cock way.
You can eat Chinese food basically every night and won’t get sick of it.
You too secretly have a large black woman with sass hidden deep down in you.
You can use chop sticks >_<
You will tell me to shut the fuck up when I need to.
You wouldn’t mind that I have zero tolerance, fo real real. I’m a light weight.
You’ve watched Drawn together.
You’re just an awesome person.

Well just because she feeds me well

And she made me talk dirty in a pink hotel
Doesn't mean she's got eyes for me
She might just want my bones you see

I know what you are.

Blah. I feel myself getting sick. I woke up yesterday morning with a sore throat, but I didn’t think of anything. I thought maybe I was just dry, but this morning I woke up and the entire day my nose has been stuffy and I’ve sneezed about eight times, and I just feel it coming on. Great; that’s just what I want/need, to be sick.

KB is probably closing next week. It is kind of just setting in that it will no longer be there, but I kind of want it to be over already; I’m sick of going into an empty store and doing nothing.

Tonight, Fran, Sam, Dave and I went to the diner. I got chocolate chip pancakes that weren’t really that good, and neither was my bacon come to think of it. Anyway, after the diner we went to Borders, and naturally we all went to our own sections: Dave ran to the comic book aisles, Sam went to read the new Cosmo, and Fran and I dug through the sex section. We real classy.

My legs are killing me. I went to a Spinning class the other night with Christina, and my legs are hurting me now; two days after. You know how Barbie dolls have those weird joint things between their legs? Well, I feel like I’m a Barbie and my owner tore my legs off. That’s were the pain is; in my joint. Also my calf, but only my right calf. Weird.

Since I don’t have anything to do until July, I think that this up and coming summer should be great. I want to go to Madame Tussaunds again, Six flags, Splish Splash, Midevil times, and Fran and I want to drive to Minnesota and go to the mall of America. Oh, and go to Helen Kellers house and take a picture in front of the sign that says “come see what Helen Keller couldn’t” wearing headphones and reading a book >_<

Hmm… I think that’s it. Peace.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The way to a womans heart:

Some of my favorite pickup lines I found on Cupid:

Hello miss. It appears that you've never missed a meal. How would you like to have one with me?"

are you a track star because you have been running through my mind all day!

Wanna go halfsies? ....... On a baby?

If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you?

That dress is very becoming on you... of course if I was on you I would be cumming too!

This one you have to say with a napkin in your hand... "Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?" =P

*Picks up a pack of sugar* Hey, you dropped your name tag!

*makeing the come hither motion with one finger* (when she walks up) If i can get you to come with one finger, imagine what i can do with two.

I may not be fred flinstone but i sure will make your bed rock

i dont have a squirt gun with me but i would love to get you wet

(Lick your finger, then wipe it on her shirt) "Let's get you out of those wet clothes.

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

I'm on a scavenger hunt and the last thing on the list is a pretty girls phone number."

Damn! All those curves, and me with no brakes.

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

Be unique and different... just say yes!

You look like my third wife. *They ask* "How many time have you been married?" Twice.

My magic watch says that you don't have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! It must be 15 minutes fast.

Are you a parking ticket? "No" Cause you've got fine written all over you!

I will take you home like my homework, and let my dog eat you.

You've tried the large, now try the medium.

currently your about a 7 or 8 but if my dick was in your mouth youd defiantly be a 10.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

le sigh.

Cupid is no longer safe.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I got the "more artistic" award on made me smile :)

since when has Beyonce been black?

Fron where I'm standing, my grass is green.

I had a really good time tonight…actually, I had a really good day come to think of it.
It all started when I woke up. My mom asked if I wanted to go to my nannys today, so I got up, got dressed, and headed to bay shore avec mamer. We got to my nannys, picked her and poppy up and then we headed to Massapequa for the “All American Burger” place. Poppy got a burger, I got frozen yogurt next store, and the ladies got nothing. Then we visited my Aunt Bettie and hung out at their place for a while, then headed home.

When I got back to my house, I called LIBS and got a hold on my account for july, and then headed to the mall to job search with Dylan. I applied to a few stores, and hopefully will get a call from one or two of them so I can work when KB closes.

After that, I went to stop and shop with my mom because she needed to get walnuts and she couldn’t go alone.

After Stop and shop, I met everyone at KB for maybe our last KB outing (while the store is open). We went to outback. It was super crazy yummy and they sang happy birthday to Karen. It was nice to hang out with everyone (including Dawn and Linda). I think we all had a really good time. It was fun ^_^

Oh, and I think my personal life is getting a little better.*giggle*

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

my lips are planted in the past.

I’m just going to ramble until something genius strikes.

I’m watching Sex and the City. Carrie just told Aiden that she didn’t want to get married yet, and he told her that she’ll never want to marry him and then he left. What an ass. Regardless, she cheated on him, but he couldn’t understand that she didn’t want to get married yet, not ever, YET. Jesus, some men are stupid. Well, no. I’m sure if I were in his shoes I would feel the same way. Maybe it’s just a sensitive guy thing. I don’t know who I feel worse for; Carrie or Aiden. He was in love with her and she broke his heart, but she tried and won him back and then he evicted her. Dayum.

Okay, so tell me I’m not retarded: I’m sitting here, eating left over chocolate birthday cake, and sippin’ slimming tea. How ironic. Tehe.

Umm…I don’t know what else to write, so I apologize for the lack of awesomeness of this blog.
I’m so bored! This is the first time I’ve been home in forever (I’ve spent the last three nights at frans)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Bright lights, big city.

Fran and I went to the city today. She had to go to an orientation for Hunter, and I didn’t want her to get lost, because I am just such a good friend. We got there around 3:45ish and I went to my favorite city gyro place: Gyro II, across the street from Penn. Fran and I ate gyros and chilled for a bit then took the subway to Hunter. Hunter is a really nice school (at least the west building is nice). There are many floors and it’s all open and clean and white. I sat in part one of her orientation and then sat alone, for an hour and a half, while she was in part two. I played over eighteen games of solitaire on my Ipod, and watched some of the Sex and the City movie.

After she was done with her orientation, Fran and I walked up and down the streets and miss I-don’t-have-enough-panties used her senses and found Victoria’s secret…let me just tell you that I need a girl. I wanted to buy basically everything in there and just pay someone to wear them for me. Seriously, the city store has a million times better stuff than the ones on the island. I was all “Daaayummm” and “Daaayummmm” and some “Oooo Daaayyyuummm” ^_^ I’m a silly sally.

Remember that time I had a girlfriend, then we were just friends, and now I don’t think we’re even that because Fran, Jen and I were basically disowned (okay, I’m the only one with the balls to blog about it; sue me). Well, while in the city I kept thinking how awkward it would have been if Fran and I bumped into Brittany. Even though I know that she works in Brooklyn, and the chances were super low, it was still on the back of my mind. Neither of us would have known what to say to her except ask her how graduation was (which she could have told us when we all texted or messaged or commented her but got no response back), or how she likes the job (again, if she only contacted us back). I miss that girl. We all do. The old one though…well, since none of us even know this new one. Anyway, I don’t want to start anything, but if you read this, Palma, we all miss you.

Anyway, then we then got some frozen yogurt and headed back to Penn. Now I’m home, chillin on my bed. Someone was in here today, I can sense it. Someone spilt water on one of my drawings (one I really liked too) and moved my things around and used ,my laptop, which obviously means someone has a death wish.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Senorita, I just wanna fall in love

GERBA! OK cupid is pissing me off fo real real. I need to move, because every girl that lives near me is definitely not my type. You know where my type lives? Connecticut. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of pretty girls here, by me, but almost every single girl on OK Cupid that is from Connecticut is fucking gorgeous. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck! And yes, Fran, I am a shallow mother fucker, but it’s not just their looks, it’s their entire page. Every girl that I’ve thought was pretty and from Connecticut are all art majors, or hairdressers, or just awesome in some sort of way. Grrr…it’s really making me mad. Fucking step ford wives. No wonder they chose to have that movie take place there, because it’s true. I want a Stepford Wife. Shit, goddamn.

If you do your homework, baby I will give you more
If you do your homework, get up on the dance floor.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

dun dun dun dun...

after watching 28 epidsodes of Sex and the City, I have come to the conclusion that I need to be living in the city ASAP. k, thanks.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

throw your hair back, curly.

That is the face of an old man. I’ve been on this thing for hours and I just went to listen to some Kayne West when I realized that I didn’t import his new cd into my itunes…so I had to get out of bed and walk to my car in the cold to get it out of the cd holder in there. Gag. I didn’t want to move; my body hurt. Maybe I was just laying too long, but my back hurt when I got up.
So I walked to the car in a tshirt, sweat pants, and my caramel moccasins that I made Fran buy me for Christmas. And to top it off I had my big grey glasses on…so yeah, I’m an old man. Whatever. Don’t judge, bitch.
Kayne is one of my favorite black people; he’s up there with that little girl with an afro from target, Angie, and Dion from Clueless. His new album isn’t my favorite but his song “Robocop” is pretty tight.
Okay, so I’m pretty fucking happy right now. I’m sitting on the couch, in an empty house. I have the house to myself! I haven’t been alone in my house in like, forever.
Anyway, I called Long Island Beauty School and I have an interview at noon on Tuesday. I’m really excited about it too. I’m walking around my house and I keep thinking about everything after beauty school. What’s going to happen? I’m making egg salad right now and I took a bowl out and I got this little mental image of me, in an apartment in the city and doing things on my own. I really really want to move out. I can’t wait to have my own place and just do whatever I want.
I see myself in the city and I can’t wait to live there. I don’t know if I want to live alone, or if it would be cooler to live with a friend of two…Christina keeps telling me that she would get an apartment with me, and Fran told me so too…jesus, when did I become such a cool person to live with? Daaayumm.
Linda texted me today telling me that her neices salon is closing in two months, but she needs someone to work for her until they…I will be working in Strandz salon in Center Morches for two months…probably doing paper work and answering phone and stuff (channeling Gaumer), and I’m pretty excited about it. I’m going to start beauty school, and work in salon, and be this awesome hairdresser and completely fabulous and live in the city and just be awesome. ^_^

bright eyes.

Something I admire in my parents: their maturity. I love when there is something wrong my parents talk it over and stay calm. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them not act their age, and not do something adulty. I love that when they fight they kiss and make up and never go to bed angry. I love when I need them they are always there for me and always tell me I’m doing the right thing. I love how easy that was to lie about…

There is something seriously wrong when a nineteen year old is more mature than his parents. Yes, I get mad and like to yell when I am angry, but no I don’t hold grudges and let it ruin my entire day and take it out on everyone. And no, I don’t leave stupid notes on peoples desks saying how much I hate them.

My mom and I had a brief tiff today over nothing. My parents, as usual are fighting and I, as usual, am in the middle. I woke up happy because I had the house to myself…no, that’s a lie. The first time I woke up I was woken up because my parents do not know how to talk to one another, but they have to yell across the house and have no consideration for anyone else but themselves. I fell back asleep and woke up about an hour later; this time on my own…well, with help from Frans text message, but whatever.

I watched Sex and the city for a few hours and then my mom came storming in with four coffee cups and a bag from dunkin donuts. I asked her what was wrong and she said that they coffee was actually hot chocolate and that the bag had bagels in it for my dad and three brothers, but she didn’t know where they were and she was supposed to meet them at the park but my dad wasn’t picking up his cell phone (she can not complain because she doesn’t either)

So, she is all pissy because she’s fighting with my dad. I was just about to leave (I was already outside walking to my car) when she demands that I bring in the shit from her car. I wouldn’t mind doing this if every time she goes out I have to do it. So I head to the car and start taking out all the food she bought. I said something to her and she made a snotty remark and then I said “so, I guess you’re not going to help bring in your things” and she said no, she wasn’t, and that I could because I didn’t do anything around the house. I then told her that I’m never home to do anything around the house, which is true because I’m hardly ever home. Lately I’ve been trying to avoid being home, and I’m always out with someone.

So….I finished bringing in all the stuff and she told me that I was mean and didn’t treat her right and all that good stuff. I told her I wasn’t mean and then I walked out and drove to Frans house.
I get a phone call from my mom about an hour later but I missed it so she left a voicemail which consisted of her telling me that I am mean and she no longer considers me her son…I love it.
The rest of the day was really good. I watched about five hours of Nip Tuck and then went to Applebees with Sam and a bunch of her friends. When I got back home, however I found a note on my desk with three pictures ripped up. The note said the same thing that the voicemail said.
If she wants to play this game I can play along with her. What do I call her is she is no longer my mom? Mrs. Meissner? Michele? The artist formally known as mom? I don’t know.

What I do know is that my family is full of a bunch of immature people and they are never going to change. How can I respect people that act younger than me? How can I respect anyone who acts like a baby when they are upset? My dad is sleeping on the couch right now because they are fighting…again.

Jesus, that was depressing, huh?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Everyone's at it.

Who do you run to when your last resort isn’t available?

I’m sitting in Panera, alone. Why? Because I can…well, because noone was able to come avec moi. Sam and I were supposed to come here together and chill, but she ate dinner at home, so I called everyone that I thought would be available, and none of them were *sad face* so I’m hure, all alone eating soup and drinking jones soda on Joanie and chillin on okcupid and shit.

So it’s January 1st. What will I be doing this year? To answer your burning question I will be doing who the fuck knows. With KB closing and no job in the line up, I’m on the road to become a bum. If I don’t gets a job, I aint gots no car. School. I need to call LIBS so I can set up an interview so they can see my beauty and accept me with a full scholarship and then I’ll become an extremely famous hairstylist and every woman in the world will wait in line for 46 years to have me touch their hair.

Fucking Panera wifi and it’s blockage of good sites. Fucking filters. Fucking fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck,. I like that word, fuck. It’s such an awesome word, ya know?

I officially hate being single…well, no I don’t, but I prefer to be in a relationship. Maybe I’m one of those people who can’t be alone and need someone around them all the time, and within two weeks of breaking up with someone they have another boo to fill that gap that they can’t fix on their own. I know people like that, and I hope that I don’t become one of them. What I really need is a hook up. I just need to hook up with someone and get it over with already. Jesus christ.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I keep blurting out really random things on here, huh? Maybe because I’m sitting alone with this laptop, with headphones on, listening to music, and noone knows what I’m doing. Did that make sense. Shut up, you don’t know my life, bitch. Laugh!

Muahaha. Peace out niglets.