Thursday, December 31, 2009

Good bye twenty oh nine.

And hello twenty ten. I can not believe that 360 days ago I was sitting down (in frans dining room) typing a blog about how much I thought 2009 would suck…and I was wrong for the most part. I actually had a pretty good 2009, there were a lot of changes that happened and I did some growing up which only made me even more awesome ;)

Lets see, what has happened this past year?

January: Hmm… I brought in the new year by singing karaoke with Fran, Ryan and Bfll. We drank and hung out. I worked my last few shifts at good ol KB toys.

February: all I can remember from February is spending about $100 on supplies to make my mom a gorgeous birthday cake. I think I went on a date with that girl Caitlin sometimes around then too…*shrug* oh! Lmfao, and KB officially closed and I got an extra $300 in my last pay check. Oops.

March: OK cupid took over my life. I was re reading old emails and I TOTALLY forgot about that little fling I had with that chocolate JAI latte. All I did was sit around and watch TV because I was totally unemployed. OMG the britney spears concert! How could I forget that? I’m an ass.

April: Jenny’s 22nd birthday at Chili’s. that’s when my car started acting weird. I played dad to my brothers when my parents went away for a week. I went on my interview to H&M sometime at the end of the month and things started to look up. Bffl moved away, which was sad.

May: new job, new school goals, new Andrew. This is when H&M started to rule my life. With a new income came new things. I totally redid my room from ceiling to floor (literally. I ripped up my rug one morning). I went on the FIT interview where my portfolio blew everyone elses out of the water. I went to my first H&M outing where I drank and danced all night. One…two…three…I LOVE YOU! Hahaha!

June: The big O. the big Two oh, that is. No longer was I a teenager. Settled for Applebees for my birthday, but had a really good time. I treated myself to a new tattoo ^_^

*bffl got married sometime around here*

July: White trash partaaay! Naked marco polo. Boobies all over the place! Finding out my mom liked spur of the moment sex.

August: umm…augusty stuff. Decided not to go back to school.

September: started to work at the office. Buzzed all my hair off. Clean start.

October: ZOMBIE. Best Halloween makeup job. Ever. Spending over $300 on makeup. Left the office for full time at H&M.

November: best thanksgiving with the family. More hours at work means even more income which means even more new things.

December: money. Crazy working hours. Being stuck on a train with a cop. Bonding over dead baby jokes.

And here I am. Writing this.

Obviously there was a lot more that happened throughout the year, I just don’t remember. All in all I would have to say that 2009 wasn’t too shabby. Lets see what 2010 has to offer.



Monday, October 12, 2009


okay, so i stumbled upon this website where some girl took photos off a bunch of people and asked them all what they want to do before they die, and like i predicted they were mostly all boring, like "before I die i want to know everything's okay" or "before I die i want to meet obama" or "Before I die i want to make everyone feel special" and shit like that, but this guy was my favorite:
I loved this guy. I thought he was hysterical. i'm pretty sure he took this challenge as 'how do you want to die' instead of what you want to do *before* you die...which actually i guess that works: i guess this is what he wants to do moments before he dies? Hmm...

anyway, it got me thinking, being the morbid person I am, what do I want to do before I die? honestly, i don't think that there is a specific thing that i want to do, but more of a bunch of cliche things, like fall in love and have a kid, and move out of my parents house, and blah blah blah. all that bullshit, but i would also like to be known in the world somehow, like I want people to be like "Oh, Andrew Meissner? Yeah i've heard of him" of course i'd like to be famous, but if not then i want to do something so people still know me even if i'm not a celebrity.

In other news, I moved my treadmill downstairs into my room so i've been doing that everynight *grin* and hopefully it'll work. I also bought a sauna suit (which is basically two garbage bags with elastic at the ends) and it makes you sweat like CRAZY! my room actually smells like a gym after i use the treadmill because the suit makes you so goddamn sweaty. it's disgusting but I looove it.

I'm also doing a little experiment: on Glee (woah!) the school nurse gave the kids allergy medicine to increase their energy and awareness because it has pseudoephedrine in it and made them all really i went out and bought a box of allergy medicine and am taking it to see if it actually had the same effect as it did on the show...i know, I'm loco.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

shake your kitty.

Who are you texting? No one at the moment.
Why aren't you in love with your last ex anymore? Because I love jesus now.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you? *smirk*
How late did you stay up last night and why? Um.. 2ish? Because I can never sleep anymore.
What do you currently hear right now? Lady Gaga.
Do you smoke crack everyday? Yes ma’am.
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? Yesterday.
Who was the first person you talked to today? Myself.
Have you ever ridden a horse? Only a pony when I was wee wittle.
Have you ever cried so much you threw up? Yeah, I have.
What are you looking forward to in the next month? HALLOWEEN!!!!!!! *gets boner*
Are you anything like you were at this point last year? Not at all.
Are you wearing jeans right now? Werd.
Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't? no.
What's something you do when you're mad? Blow shit up.
Are you a patient person? Not at all.
Would you rather be mad or sad? Mad.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? I have.
Do you ever use words like stoked, souped or sick? I aint no paper gangsta
When was the last time you cried? Ummm…I actually have no clue.
Closest green object to you? My hat.
Where is your default picture taken? My bathroom.
What is your current mood? Tummy achey…?
If you could go back in time and change something, would you? No.
Favorite color? I think purple.
What's your favorite smell? *blush*
Ever kissed in the rain? Nom nom nom
What are you thinking about right now? Showering.
What should you be doing? Nothing.
Do you like working in the yard? Um. No.
What color are your eyes? Golden brown with specs of gold and green in them. They’re yummy.
Is there someone you just can't imagine your life without? Umm…yeah, I guess.
Where did you get your last bruise from? Umm…I don’t know if I have any bruises right now.
Have you ever got a D or F on your report card? No.
If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be? Meissner.
Were you happy when you woke up today? I wanted to go back to bed, but yeah.
Do you believe in true love? Um…I believe you can love someone forever, but I don’t know if you can just love one person.
Will your next kiss be a mistake? Who knows.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Bratz, the movie review.

Umm, okay, so i rented the Bratz movie (because i'm a preteen girl) and i just have to say that it is the most ridiculous movie i've ever watched. first of all, aren't the bratz dolls supposed to be um, gorgeous and really into fashion? well...umm except for Sasha (the only pretty one) they don't dress very well.

this is also one of the most stereotypical movies i'e ever watched:

Cloe: blonde, lives in a nice home, pretty, only catch is she isn't very girly. she's sporty and poor apparently.
Jade: Asian. parents expect things from her. in science club. first day of school she makes fireworks in lab class.
Yasmin: Spanish. walks out of her room to an ENTIRE MEXICAN BAND in her kitchen. has no friends. figures.
Sasha: Black, but instead of not having a father, her parents are split up and hate eachother. she's a cheerleader (i guess because this school doesn't have a step team).

then there is this deaf kid who Yasmin bumps into and i think they are going to get it on later in the movie.

THEN!!!! the girls SPLIT UP and aren't friends anymore because they joined cliques (except Yasmin), and two years go by and everyone looks EXACTLY the same!!!

now i'm up to the part where the black music teacher is trying to make the deaf kid "feel the music" by having him put his hand on the speaker while he scratches the records.

OH!! and this school has a "people who like to dress as dinosaurs" click, and apparently you can bring your dog to school in this movie.

now there's a whole food fight scene because they all spilled spaghetti on each other and teachers are in on it...

now the huge bust of their principal fell and broke, because ya know, all schools have a bust of their principals. I know i did.

now they all have detention and are calling each other names. now sasha is giving sass and apparently cloe aint got no dad.

now yasmin is all "Oooo you shouldn't have said that nigga"

god, now they're all apologizing.

cloe kind of likes lady gaga, fyi.

now they all are planning on taking control of their lives and be themselves and not be in their cliques anymore.

JESUS CHRIST this movie is AWFUL!

okay, now they are all friends again, and Yasmins "Bubbie" is the mother from my big fat greek wedding, and she loves chocolate and gives yasmin shoes for chocolate.

and now there is auditions for the talent show...oh, and did you know that Dylan is totally into Yasmin because he never looks her in the eye, talks to her or remembers her name? um.. maybe because he's too busy reading your lips to look you in the eyes, sounds like a retard when he talks and can't fucking pronounce your name because he's DEAF?!?! did you ever think of that, chica?

um okay, now everyone is staring at them because they're all eating lunch together and apparently that is a sin (because of all the clicks)

oh shit now a jock and a nerd are fighting over Jade and the nerd knows fucking kong fu or something. yasmins little brother is hitting on some little girl. i mean LITTLE GIRL, like ten.

now they are shopping for a party and cloe feels bad because he's not rich and can't afford anything.

and now there is a clothing Montague and i think i'm going to kill myself.

and now they aren't going to the party because they need to be in clicks to get in but they refuse to sit in cliques. puh-lease. just sit with eachother when you get there, duh.

Ooooooooooooooo now Yasmin and Dylan are talking and dylan felt her sing thru the speaker. gay. and she can't even sing that well and Dylan speaks way too well for a deaf person.

now Cloe's mom has a fever and is cooking for something and cloe sent her to bed and now the four of them are cooking for her and making crazy shit and here's another Montague and cloe's mom has a lazy eye and now they have to be servers at the party they didn't want to go to.

and now Jade ramade their serving outfits into harajuku-like costumes that aren't even made out of the same fabric.

umm... and now the girl who is throwing the party is singing some song called fabulous and is motioning at her crotch...umm is her twat fabulous? it's actually catchy and i'll probably have it on my ipod later.

oh and Anneliese van der Pol is in this playing a teenager even though she's like 26.

and now yasmin is being forced on the stage to sing even though she's got real bad stage fright. is she going to do it? noooo! she ran off! boo who!

and now the deaf guy is standing up for her. this movie is soo bad. now there's spanish music playing...nope sorry, the girl shut the movie off and did a costume change and now the music is back on.

now Yasmin spilled food on the deaf guy and OMG i think he's going to kiss her...nope tease.

now the girl who is throwing the party fell into her cake and then the pool. oh no.

Ooooo!!!! she called them bratz!!! daaaayum!

back to school: now everyone hates them because they don't sit with clicks anymore.

Oooo now they are a music group called...wait for it...BRATZ!!!!!! ahh! and they're gonna win the talent show...or so they think.

another music Montague.

now that girl who threw the party is threatening yasmin to drop out of the talent show because she has dirt on cloe's mom...dun dun dun!!!

god, cloe kind of looks (and sounds) like she has down syndrome.

now everyone hates yasmin because she dropped out of the show...even the deaf guy.

now yasmin is crying on her big fat spanish mother and they all are talking to cloe's mom who has a lazy eye but apparently knows yasmin better than the other girls do.

now yasmin is going to tell them why she dropped out of the show...

now it's the show. will the BRATZ be there?!?!?!

exorcise? yeah i got enough exorcise. just pushing my luck. <-- joke from the movie.

now another catchy song *taps foot* OMG! BRATZ CAR!!

"the show is over, with a capital over" <-- actual quote from the movie.

oh shit! the BRATZ are huuuuurrr!!!!!

now they're singing "brattitude" *eye roll* which is AWFUL!


i guess Yasmin is over her stage fright?

Oh look, they won now Cloe can go to college because apparently she's too poor to afford clothes, but not poor enough for financial aid?

Okay, now it's over. THANK GOD!

go rent it.

Friday, September 11, 2009

dude, your perspective on life sucks.'s 3:15 in the morning and i can not sleep which wouldn't be too bad if i didn't have work in six hours. ugh. i hate when i can't sleep.

I just finished watching the season premier of top model, and i must say that i was very disapinted with their makeovers this cycle. only two people got extensions and none of them had anything that drastic. stoopid. I'm also not so sure about the people on this cycle either. everyone just seems so...bleh. there is this one girl, Nicole though who i seem to like so far, she's really really quiet and quirky but super fierce when her picture is taken. she's also small and has long (now extremely) curly hair and brains which everyone knows is kinda my type *eye roll* i'm not saying she's gorgeous or anything and she is NO Allison Harvard *love* (because my first thought of her way she looks waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too anorexic for my taste, and i think it's effecting her speach) but throughout the episode she kind of grew on me except she should never, ever wear her hair back because her shoulders are too broad for her giraffe neck >_<.

as for the rest of the girls: I can already tell this will be a crazy season.

Ashley: i believe she is a dancer, and she got a long crazy weave.
Bianca: she reminds me of the girl Jai i dated a few months ago, only shorter, skinner, and bald. i can already tell she's going to be one of those girls I love or I hate.
Brittany: tyra gave her this gorgeous dark hair that makes her eyes creepy blue and makes her look like Sara Paxton (who i think is kind of gorgeous, btw)
Courtney: WTF is with the cast? how do you expect to walk the runway with a broken ankle? and i DO NOT like her new, dyke haircut.
Erin: she seems VERY immature (probably because she's 18). I do like her fucking snow white hair and eyebrows.
Jennifer: the token Asian girl who's going to do amazing but not have enough air time.
Kara: ugly. I'm sorry, but her lower part of her face needs to go.
Laura: southern, with a heavily annoying accent and kinda looks like the actress who plays Tara on Buffy.
Lisa: linda looks like Michelle whats her face from the second season of lost. she was only brought back after the CRAZY CRAZY Jesus girl dropped out, only to be eliminated the first episode. color me they had that planned.
LuLu: adorable. fucking adorable, but too bad she's 19, gay, and has her girlfriend's name TATTOOED ACROSS HER CHEST! le sigh.
Nicole: see above.
Rachel: huge fucking anime eyes.
Rae: the mother. i also love her white hair.
Sundai: don't really like her new, shorter do because her old long wavy weave was gorgeous on her. I also only think Tyra put her on here because she had a 'rough life' growing up. whatever.

so yeah, that was my mini top model review. I should REALLY get some sleep now, peace.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


can we just get this over with please? we both know we want it.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Saw you twice at the pop show

I woke up late the next morning. Like really late. I didn’t hear my alarm go off but I did hear the quick *beep beep* of my phone telling me I got a text message. I rolled over. 1 new message: frAAn. I slid my phone open: hey. Sorry. Just got your message, I went to bed super early last night. I sent a quick email to Robert telling him I will be late, closed my phone, and got out of bed. I didn’t even want to know what time it was. My clothes from earlier that morning were all over my floor. I picked up my pants, threw them on, grabbed a shirt from my closet and headed to the bathroom where I brushed my teeth quick, ran my fingers thru my hair, and then was out the door.

“Andrew” said my boss, startling me from the doodle I was doing in my sketchbook by coming around the corner towards my desk “how’s that new character coming along”?

“I have some ideas but I’m not sure about them” I said handing him a stack of potential characters “I can’t seem to grasp it just yet”. After looking at all the pictures he handed me my pages back and said “what about her? Yeah, I like that. I think you got something there”. I looked down to what he was pointing to when I noticed that he was looking at my sketchbook.

“huh? I-” I began but he cut me off by saying “what are you talking about, Meissner? We got our girl right there. I want a final copy as soon as possible please”.

When he left I looked down at what I was drawing. Without even thinking, I drew a small, slender girl with big eyes and a mound of dark hair around her face. Without thinking, I drew Alli as our new character. I worked on redrawing the character to not look so much like her for the next hour or so and was interrupted by a knock at my door.

“come in” I said not looking up from my drawing.
“I figured you’d like some coffee. You seem like a milk and sugar kind of guy” said a cool, flirty voice.
I jumped, it was her. I couldn’t believe she was standing here, in the doorway of my office.
“actually I’m more of a just milk, no sugar kind of guy” I teased.
“oh, more manly than I thought” Alli joked. “whatcha working on there” she said heading towards my deck.
I quickly tried covering up my drawing with a few other ones. “Oh, just some sketches of a new character for my show.
She looked over my shoulder. “she’s cute” she said pointing to one of the earlier sketches of a tall, thin girl with short ginger hair and a nose ring.
“Yeah, she is” I said. “but I’ve seen cuter”
She raised her eyebrow.
I smiled. “what are you doing here”? I asked taking the cup of coffee from her hand “how do you even know where I work”?
“I have connections” she said taking a sip of her drink.
“stalker” I laughed.
“so…do you get a lunch break or something” asked Alli.
“Yeah, I do actually” I noted.
“yeah? Well when”? she asked
“um…about now” I grinned.
I stoop up, grabbed my jacket and headed towards Alli.
“have anywhere in mind” I asked holding the door open for her.
“yeah I do actually” she said walking out of the door and giving me an extremely flirtatious eye. “Ever hear of a little place called Starbucks”
“you know what, I think I might have been there once or twice” I joked.

We walked downtown a few blocks and chatted about nothing. We sipped our coffee and occasionally brushed our hands up against each others. It was really nice out. I don’t know why I grabbed my jacket, I didn’t need it. I looked at Alli who was wearing a pencil skirt and a simple silk blouse, her shoes were the only thing flashy on her, bright red high heels. Her hair was pulled back today in a simple pony tail, but pieces were falling out all around her and framing her face. There was something about the contrast between the dark, ink like hair and her pale eyes that made my knees weak.

“what” she asked catching me looking at her.
“Nothing” I said and put on a goofy grin. “you look good”
“thanks. Not looking bad yourself” she teased. I was surprised to hear that since I was wearing the same pants I wore last night and a plain, button down flannel shirt.

We ended up stopping at a near bye café where we both ordered a salad. We found a table in the upstairs seating and chatted about absolutely nothing for the next hour.

Back at work, I found it a lot easier to draw my character. Everything seemed a lot better. I also wasn’t so tired or hung overish, just really smiley. Alli and I made plans to see each other later that night, I couldn’t wait for it to be 5:00. There would be no overtime tonight, tonight I was getting out when I was scheduled.

As soon as the clock turned 5 I rushed out of my office. Once home I picked out an outfit of a short sleeve purple, grey and green plaid button down, and dark washed jeans. I jumped in the shower and threw on my outfit along with a pair of grey pointed toe shoes and a few sprays of cologne. I dried my hair and styled it. I usually always was presentable, but tonight I was extra presentable.

I grabbed a cab and took it to the address Alli gave me earlier that afternoon. It wasn’t that far from the bar we went to the previous night, just a few blocks. I paid the cab driver and went into the building. Allis apartment building was rather nice. I took the stairs up to the fifth floor, room 43B. I knocked on the door. I heard movement from the other side, a crash, and a cat meow.

I am an amazing person.

the end.

Friday, September 4, 2009

I've got a theory... could be bunnies.

that, and that i was a serial killer in a past life. i've been thinking about it a lot lately and i really think i was, i love blood, or anything to do with blood. i like really fucked up horror movies that involve a lot of killing and shit, and AND i actually think if i had to I could kill someone...which is funny because im anti hunting :)

in other forgot. I haven't blogged in forever but for some reason Brittany convinced me to make a new livejournal -_-

I've been thinking about tattoos. I want a few more.i want felix on my foot *coughjencough* :), and a matching 'meissner' in runes on my left arm and i've been seriously been thinking about getting a chest piece...if i lose weight so i can show it off of course because i keep seeing guys come into work with their really low V-neck shirts and a chest piece peaking out and i love it. I seriously think i want one. of what? no clue, but something fucking awesome.

Tomorrow I am actually starting a diet. like a real diet. i think i am just going to eat what my mom eats. I've been eating zone bars on the way to work and i thought why not? why not do this zone bar diet? for breakfast i am going to have a zone bar and a coffee or coolatta and for lunch i'll have a zone bar and whatever to drink (probably water) and maybe a piece of fruit or something, and a normal dinner, and even fucking popcorn at night. and i want to stop eating past 8pm and start running again because i miss it. i want to take my treadmill down from upstairs and put it in my room and start using it in the winter because it will obviously be too cold oout to go to the park.

i'm really excited for halloween! this year i am going to go to the halloween parade in the city with Dierdre from work. it sound sooo fucking awesome. I asked Jen and Fran to come with me too but Jen told me no flat out and Fran said 'we'll see' which is fran for no. i need less goey to school and worky friends who can be not responsible with me. rawr. :)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Heeey all. God, it's been ages since I posted a blog, eh? Well this is because of two things: my laptop charger broke so I haven't been on my computer in like, forever and because I haven't had anything so exciting happen in my life that I needed to blog about it.
Right now I am laying in bed. It is 3 in the morning and I have work In 4 hours. Color me insomniac.
What's been new with my life? Hmmm...I woke up to a bee stingging me the other day and my finger still hurts. I'm moving up to full time at my job. My car has been broken for the past month, and I am extremely confused about...things.
I've kind of been in a rut lately. I just feel...I dunno, bleh? It's funny how sometimes everything else around you is going great, but the one part you want to be great is kind of lack luster. I'm getting to that point where I'm jealous of reading about relationships. I just don't understand why it doesn't happen to me. I mean comeon, I'm a great guy, I should be able to bag *someone* right? I don't consider myself ugly, and no matter what I lead on, I don't consider myself extremly goodlooking either. Sometimes, while ringing people up I get jealous of the way some or them look. Anyone who knows me can tell you I am a confedent person, I just...dunno don't measure up to other people? I'm probably one of those people who finds love late in life and will be happy and all that bullshit, but can't someone throw a little lovin my way now too? And I don't even mean anything sexual (even though I
extremely sex deprived) I mean love. I keep reading all these stupid fanfiction and I'm actually jealous of them. Fml.

In other, less depressing news, Brittany and I are in the middle of this Harry potter drawing war which I think I can proudly say that I am beating her ass in (this is due to my ability to whip out drawings like there's no tomorrow...and because she has anactual job) noneoftheless, I think it's safe to say I'm winning.

I just got a weird craving for oatmeal. Fucking strange. I should probably try to get *some* sleep, shouldn't I?


Monday, July 13, 2009


I’m pretty sure I’ve lost all my writing creativity. Why? Because I’ve been working on this “future” story for the past few months and all I’ve written was two short stories. I started a third but stopped writing after two pages. I just have no desire to write anymore of it and this is my problem; I know I’m a good writer. I’m no Jen, but I’m pretty good. I just never finish anything. Actually writing isn’t my only flaw: I never finish anything. I get bored with things so easily that I just give up on them. Ugh! Curses!

I have no clue what I want out of life. All I know is that I’m twenty, I should have some idea of what I want, right? Grrr. I want to just get paid for being awesome. I wish I was a celebrity.

Friday, July 10, 2009

iPhone confessions.

So, I'm kind of in love with my we iPhone. So much that I'm posting this Blog from it :) anyway...harry potter is coming out in a few days and I'm super pumped! I can't wait. I know there are like a million of us going to the midnight show so it should be really fun! The only down side is that I have work at 7 the next morning so I'll only be getting like 2 hours if sleep but it'll be sooooooooo worth it!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

I want so many things from life, I just don’t know how to get there:

Sometimes I can be extremely happy one minute then an emotional mess the next. It’s crazy. I expect so many things, and I expect to get there so easily, and just get so depressed when I admit to myself that life is just fucking hard. Sometimes I feel like I just gave up, sometime I think there maybe, just maybe be some hope, but then I realize that there isn’t. ugh!

I want to be an actor, I want to put on a different face, wear a new life, be someone else.
I want to be an artist, someone who expresses their emotions thru drawings, or painting, or anything.
I want to finish school finally and get an actual job, like a real fucking job.
I want to never finish school and just take classes because I want to, not because I need to.
I want to stay in retail, to move up and to become a owner of my own branch of stores and do it all by starting at the bottom and clawing my way up.
I want to have no emotions and step on everyone I meet and to make them feel low so I can, for a minute, fill that hole in my heart.
I want to be loved. Unconditionally, shot it from the mountains loved.
I want someone to need me so badly that they will fly half way around the world, to tell me they loved me and marry me so I won’t get deported back to Canada.
I want to turn back time, to have maybe one more second of feeling.
I want to be able to erase memories so that I can forget that anything ever happened.
I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy so badly that I don’t care if I have to do unhealthy things to get there.
I want to live in another time where smoking was classy, not deadly, and you wore a suit to go to the movies and you respected each other and life was full of glamour.
I want a sneak peak of my future. I want to know that I will succeed in something and that I’m not sitting here, twenty years from now writing a blog about how I want things.
I want to travel. I want to see places of the world I’ve only seen on shows.
I want to spend an entire day laying in bed next to someone I love.
I want to be a vampire. I want to live forever so that I know that eventually one day I can no longer want anything because I’ve done everything.
I want to be famous. I want to step out of my house and have millions of people fighting to get a glimpse of me in person.
I want to party until the sun comes up then sleep all day and party again the next night.
I want to be on covers of magazines with false stories about me all over the pages.
I want to shave my head, attack paparazzi with an umbrella (ella ella), get tattoos and check into rehab then make a comeback so big that people will forget who that other person was.
I want to be so rich that I would never have to worry about working or doing anything ever again.
I want to be so rich that I would never have to worry about working or doing anything ever again, and not have a boring life.
I want someone to be by my side every step of the way.
I want to glow so radiantly when I see them walking down the aisle that the sun needs sunglasses.
I want to be woken up by the pitter patter of small feet running to my bedside because breakfast is ready downstairs and after breakfast you promised you would play with me, daddy.
I want you.

Fuck. My. Life.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Hey there sugar baby

I promised myself that I wouldn’t look for a partner at a club or bar or anything like that. I told myself that when it happens I will meet them randomly and somewhere I wouldn’t think of.

“Andrew, you going out with us tonight”? asked Robert, one of my coworkers. Robert is one of the heads of animation at my office. Him and I hit it off from the moment we met each other. I can’t remember how, but within an hour of working with each other we were in tears or laughter about nothing but bull shit.

“Eh…I don’t think so Rob, not tonight” I said. I didn’t even look up from the mound of drawings on my desk. I was working on a new character for the show. We needed a new female character that will move to the city next season and I was in charge of coming up with her. I was really excited too, I love projects but for some reason I couldn’t nail it with this one. I had millions of designs on paper, but for some reason I could not come up with the right girl.
“Oh come on” Robert said “It’ll be fun. You haven’t gone out with us in a while. Stop stressing over that design and chill tonight”

“Yeah, come out” chimed Lauren from behind her desk who was obviously eves dropping on our conversation. Lauren had a thing for Robert, it was really obvious. Anything he said she would agree with him, anywhere he went she would follow. Robert had a thing for her too, but neither of them are man enough to admit it to the other.

“Errrr…fine”. I sighed. Maybe a night out would be good for me. There’s nothing like smoky club air to get your mind pumping.

I left my desk as is, and grabbed my jacket. I threw it in and buttoned the little grey button in the middle. I checked myself in the mirror before I walked out the door. I had grayish purple shadows under my eyes from the lack of sleep I’ve been getting and my hair was shaggy and I didn’t shave the last four days so I was all scruffy. I ran my hands through my mane and shut the light switch on my way out. I even left my bag at my desk. Work could wait til the morning.

“what will it be”? asked the bartender, a tall, young looking guy with a shaved head and a neck tattoo.
“A Jack and Ginger” said Robert
“and for you doll”? asked the bartender eyeing Lauren
“Um…”she hesitated, blinking flirtatiously with the man behind the bar every time Robert looked her way “I’ll have a long island iced tea”
“A coors light please” I told the bartender when he looked at me.

“You know, I went to bartending classes a few years ago” I told Robert and Lauren. “Fran and I did it in college. It was really fun. We never really pursued it, it was just something we wanted to do”

“that’s really cool” said Lauren, twirling her long blonde locks around one finger. “I’m hosting a party next month, you should totally bartend for me”. I laughed. “sure”.

We paid for our drinks and found a empty booth. I took off my jacket and hung it on the coat rack attached to our seats. After a few minutes we all decided that it would be a good idea to order some food. I volunteered to go up to the bar and place our order (and to give some alone time for Robert and Lauren). I got to the bar and placed an order for Fires, Mozzarella sticks, buffalo wings, and potato skins. The bartender told me it should only take a few minutes so I decided to stay up at the bar and wait. I ordered another beer for the wait.

Not wanting to look creepy, I stopped watching the bartender making drinks for the group of girls sitting a few stools down from me. My eyes wandered around the room. First to the window where it was getting darker outside, then to my booth where Robert was making Lauren laugh hysterically about something, then to the TV which was playing a football game. Never a fan of sports I turned my head back towards the bartender who was now serving the drinks to the group of girls to my left. I noticed one ordered some sort of a martini, one had a beer and one a pina colada. I smirked. I loved pina coladas. My eyes traveled up the glass to the girl who was holding it; she was small, on the thinner side, with dark waves falling into her face. One of her friends said something and she laughed. I laughed too. At what I had no idea. They must have heard me because one of the girls looked at me. I turned red and looked back at the tv.

My order was done soon after and I took the baskets of food back to my booth.
“Oh my god I’m so hungry” said Lauren digging into the fries.
“woah, take it easy” laughed Robert handing her a napkin and suggesting she wipe the cheese from her lip.
Lauren blushed and covered her mouth with the tissue which then led to her wiping her mouth every ten seconds to make sure she didn’t embarrass herself again in front of him. I rolled my eyes just get over with it already I thought.

A little while (and two more orders of fries) later, it was time to hit the dance floor.
“You guys go on” I said to Robert and Lauren as I cleaned up our mess “I’ll meet you there in a few minutes”

“what is this”? Robert joked “Andrew not on the dance floor”!? I smiled. “don’t worry, I’ll be there” I said hopefully not alone I thought to myself. It was one thing when you were with a group of friends and you all were dancing together, but it’s another when you’re with friends who are totally into each other and you’re a third wheel. I pulled out my phone and sent Fran a message dude, come to that bar on 23rd street. I waited a little for a response. None. I finished sweeping the left over food into one basket and piling up the empty ones so it would be easier to carry.

“So, you think bleeding all over your bed funny, huh”? asked someone from behind me. I turned around.
“ periods. I heard you laugh back there when my friend said it”
I then noticed who was speaking to me. It was the girl from the bar. She was smiling at me with huge pale eyes. I blushed.
“I er…”
She giggled.
“No, not really” I said, still a bit red in the face. “I don’t know why I laughed”.
“Uh huh” she said. “ anyway, I was waiting for you to see if you can buy me a drink”
“oh really” I teased “what would you have said if I asked”?
“I would have told you that I prefer to make the first move” she said
I smirked. “good because I was waiting for you to buy me a drink”
“you’re funny” she giggled raising a hand and ruffling up my hair
“No, I’m serious. I would like another beer” I said holding up my bottle “mine’s almost done” I grinned which made her grin.
“nice teeth”
“yeah, I guess it was worth the five years of braces”
“yeah, they didn’t come out half bad” she smirked
“Umm. Thanks”? I asked.

The two of stood there awkwardly for a moment until Robert broke the silence

“Dude, come on this song is-” he broke off. Noticing I was talking to someone he smiled and said “never mind”

“it looks like your friend wants you to go dance with him” said the girl.
“yeah, he thinks he will one day beat me in a dance off. He refuses to believe I was born with the gift of African rhythm”. she howled with laughter
“WHAT”? she asked wiping her eyes
“Yeah…not a good first impression, huh”?
“no not really” she chuckled. “you go. Go have a dance off with your friend”
“or. Crazy idea, you can come and dance with me” I suggested.
“you sure know how to talk to a lady” she said holding out her hand. I took it in mine. They were smaller than mine and warm. We walked over to the middle of the dance floor where Lauren was thrusting herself towards Robert drunkenly.

“Andrew”! she shrieked “finally”
“Yeah, I was er..talking to know what?” I asked looking at the girl who’s hand I was holding. I tilted my head “I don’t know your name”. she smiled. “Hi, I’m Alli” she said waving the hand that I wasn’t holding towards Lauren and Robert.
“Alli, like Allison” Robert asked.
“No, Alexandra, but I like Alli better”
“it’s cute” I said. “I’m Andrew, this is Robert and Lauren” motioning towards my two coworkers.

Alli’s friends came looking for her and joined us for a few songs and a few shots. They left after about an hour (apparently one of them had a kid). They asked Alli if she was coming with them, but she decided to stay (which made me all giddy inside) and the four of us danced and drank the night away.
Before we knew it it was a quarter past four in the morning and the bar was closing up.

“I had fun” Alli said putting on her coat, a cream cropped nautical jacket.
“so did I” I said buttoning up my own coat.
We took each others hands and walked out to the early Manhattan morning where small shops were just opening up for the workers who were to grab coffee or pastries or a pack of cigarettes before they headed to work. work! Shit! I have work in four hours. I groaned.

“what’s up”? asked Alli
I slouched. “I have to be back at my studio in a few hours. Fuck”
“aww. Poor baby” she teased, pinching my cheek. “well, I guess this is goodbye”
“I guess so” I grinned. “thank God, I was getting sick of you”
“same here. I kept drinking in the hopes of you getting attractive”
I pouted, she smiled.

She healed a taxi and got in. “Goodnight, Andrew” she said, closed the door and was on her way.

I replayed the night in my head over again while walking downtown six blocks until I was going the wrong way.

When I got home I kicked off my shoes, stripped off my jacket, flannel shirt and jeans and fell onto my bed in nothing but my underwear, hands still warm from where hers were.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

how Andrew got his groove back

So, what have I been up to lately? Well, I went out dancing with some people from work last night. Like every time I’ve gone out with my fellow H&Mers I had a great night. First it was nubar, then it was corey’s party and last nighr was the 620 lounge gay night. Corey was working so me, danielle, melissa, kristen, and Candace went down and danced the night (and early morning) away. It was open bar from ten to eleven so I watched them all down all they could so they didn’t have to pay to get drunk. Since it was gay night I just wanted to say that I have never seen more action, never danced to better music, or seen coreys body in my entire life. It was so fun, too bad Fran was a ho bag and didn’t go. What a loser face.

Speaking of Fran, our birthdays are soon. Fuck yeah. I can’t wait. Can’t wait can’t wait. I’m just asking for money from people because I need to start saving for a car.

Right now, as I speak…well, type, I’m downloading the Sims 3. I am fucking excited. I’ve been waiting for this to come out for like, ever.

What else is new? Hmm… oh! I bought a bottle of spray tan and now I’m pretty orange.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

that's what I want.

forget anything I said; I want money for my birthday.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


So today was my first day off in like six days, and I wanted to lay out and get tan an whatnot, so I wake up around eleven and step outside…it was chilly. Bummer. I was texting coral and she was like “where are you living because it’s warm out” so I go outside again, and sure enough it was warm out. Yay. So I set up my shit jumped in my freezing cold pool and laid out for what felt like forever until I looked at my clock and noticed it was just a half an hour. Bored I got up and went inside and tried to fix my brothers computer. While I was waiting for shit to load I watched that Paris Hiltons new BFF show. Fucking redonk. Paris was disguised as some girl who was on the show and she had a Paris double to pretend to be her. Fucking redonk. The show is crazy.

I later went to Frans were we watched ugly betty and then went to Katie’s house for a party (which was like six of us). Fran has work tomorrow so we left after an hour (probably right before the party really started) where Fran basically told me I was a creepy flirt and should die. I then ran her over with my car.

On the way back to my house, out of nowhere my fucking windshield wipers broke. Thank god I didn’t drink that much at katies or I would be dead fo real reals. Tonight I made up my mind: I need a new car.

things I want for my birthday

- Apple 32 GB I-touch.
-Chocolate Ugg moccasins [size twelve]
-Money ^_^
-power puff girls dvd
-totally spies dvd
-drawing tablet for my laptop
-season five of Reba
-Daria on dvd
- Sims 3
- Wii Fit
- Will and Grace seasons 1-8
- He’s just not that into you dvd


forget everything on here; I want money for my birthday.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

up up and away.

So, have I mentioned that I love my job? Okay, maybe not the job, but I love the people. Friday night was Corey’s birthday bash and I had a fucking blast. I can’t just pick a favorite moment. All night I drank coronas and did some jello shots and danced my ass off. It was so fun. For his present, I drew him a picture of everyone from our job and he cried when he opened it. Cried. It was one of the funniest/sweetest moments I’ve ever seen. Myself along with Nicole, Melissa, Thomas, Danielle, Andrew sideburns and Kenny(?) left the party after 2:30. Thomas and I had work at 8:00 so we were tres tres sluggish the entire day, and Nicole showed up late and everyone was just bleh. last night we all went to Melissa’s house, and again we drank and played music and talked about shit. I really didn’t think I’d like everyone as much as I do. Creepy ^_^

Today was Brandon’s communion and my mom made me go to the church. Ugh. I really thought I was going to burn the second I stepped on the grounds. I haven’t been in that church in like 4 years and being in it today reminded me why; because everyone is…churchy. It was so scary. I hate religion. Ugh.

After church we went to friendlys (yum) and then I was off to work. After work tonight I went to see UP with Jenny and Franny cakes. The movie was a fucking roller coaster for your emotions. I was crying one minute then peeing my self the next. Cray-zee fo sure, fo sure.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


So, I haven’t written a blog in like, forever and then Jen wrote a bunch of blogs since I last posted a blog so now I’m here, writing a blog…well actually combining a few blogs I never posted so here ya go suckas:

I am officially working twice as many hours as I was told I would be when I first started. I’m not complaining. I really like it there and it doesn’t feel like I’m working that many hours. It is kind of a H&M tradition that on your break you watch Will and Grace, and prior working there I only have seen a few episodes with Christina and now I’m hooked. Fo real. I went out and rented a few seasons and now I’m borrowing them from Christina and I must say that Will and Grace is one of the funniest shows I’ve ever seen. It’s not addicting like Ugly Betty or Gossip Girl, but it is hysterical. Fucking hysterical.

In other news Did any of you watch this past episode of Ugly Betty? WHAT A FUCKING CLIFF HANGER!!!! I seriously screamed at the screen when the credits went on. Holy fuck. That show has so many things going on at once, it’s crazy

Note to self: never have a personality

I love this:

Isn’t the point of ok cupid is to be yourself and find someone? Well…after messaging someone you, I love the page that pops up:

Mail Tip: edit your profile so (insert persons name here) is more likely to reply

another thing:

I don’t understand those pictures of really cute baby animals with the improper English written all over them. For example:

An owl with his eyes bugged “Fo reelz”?
A kitten with his paws up: “I shake my booty for cheezburger”

*insert questioned face here*

Yesterday I finally, FINALLY painted my room. I’ve been wanting to paint my room for like ever and yesterday out of nowhere I decided to paint my room and like a good friend she is, Jenny helped me paint it ^_^ my room is now white on three walls and an awesome awesome shade of teal on another.

What else is new? Hmm..I worked all weekend which is good because since it was a holiday I will be getting holiday pay on top of my pretty big paychecks which naturally means I will be broke as soon or before I get paid next week.

Well, I guess that’s it. Peace out cub scouts.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Reach out.

Oh my god. So I was reading old posts (like reeeaaalll old posts) on here, and I have come to the conclusion that I am fucking hysterical. All my sassy comebacks and quick wit really had me going. What happened? When I reread my blogs from the past few months I don’t find myself wetting myself as much. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m still side splitting funny, but I don’t see that jazz, that umph, that rah rah rah, that booga booga (what’s booga booga? I don’t know but when I say it you’re going to fucking do it)…what’s that from? Huh? Huh? Suck it.

I love H&M. I absolutely love working there. I think I might love it even more than KB. There is always something to do, and the people are awesome, we play really good music, and the people are just fun. Today was my second day on register. My first day I think I fucked up fo real real, but today was nothing but smooth sailing. I was basically on register all night when I was only scheduled on for two hours. It was tres tres fun though. I was all “I can take the following guest over here *raises hand*” their register is a little different from Kbs, but it’s actually really east to use. I thought that since it is a much nicer store than KB was the registers would be all cool and touch screen and shit like that, but nope. They regular registers.

Do you see what I mean? this isn’t very funny, huh? Sigh. One day I will regain my funny. Once, about two years ago I lost my funny and it didn’t come back for a while. When it did Fran knighted me King Funny again. It was one of my proudest moments and now it’s slipping away. Fuck my life.

Tomorrow (well tonight) I’m going out dancing *shakes hips* with people from work. I can’t wait. I asked Nicole today if she was going and she was all “duh. I love dancing” and then I was all “this better not be a trick. Like a ‘let’s prank the new kid’ and leave me there alone because I will just stay there and dance by myself” and then we laughed and rang up customers.

Another thing I love about my job (besides the pay) is not wearing a uniform. I love waking up in the morning (or late afternoon) and picking out what I’m going to wear. The only thing is that I have never been more self conscious in my life than I am at work. Every guy is thin there, and I mean thin, and almost every girl is thin and I want to be like that. I’ve been changing my eating habits to lose weight while I work there. On days where I work long shits I only eat once a day, or once a day with a snack or something when I get home. Today I was running off of: an iced coffee, an energy drink, two salads, and four hours of sleep. Why so little sleep you may ask…well, I was up til about five yesterday morning playing online scrabble. I know. I was so hyper at work today though. I was singing and dancing to every song, and I was a beast on register and I was so cheerful (until break were I sat down and wanted to sleep) but I got a second wind later in the night and now it’s 2:37 in the morning and I need to be at work in 5 hours. I know. I know. Looks like I’m going to be running off another few hours of sleep and major coffee and energy drinks. And tomorrow I’m going to be shaking my blubber all over the club (because obviously I want to go into a coma when I get home).

Oh! I remembered something: I wrote a blog almost two years ago about how my car is like me, and how fran’s car is like her, and whatnot. I wasn’t super close with Jen then, and I wasn’t in her car enough but now that we’re basically attached at the hip (ya know, those days when we’re not working or she’s not with Jon…so like once a week) I can finally honestly say that Jen is like her car. Let me explain:

Jen is super crazy smart and awesome and blonde (in a good way), and her car is super crazy awesome and blonde (seriously. That’s the color). It’s an older model, but still cute (and I don’t mean you’re old jen…even though you are 22 *wink*), and by looking at it you kind of think it’s an average, simple car, but open the door and it’s crazy. Open the trunk and you can find Narnia. This is basically how Jen is: you look at her and you think a pretty girl. She probably works and goes to school or something like that, and her life is probably simple (I’m not sure what that means actually), but wait…open her mind (trunk) and holy shit there is stuff piled on top of each other. You can find laundry detergent, papers, books, cans of string beans, more books, different dimensions, black holes, etc. Jens mind is constantly going and it is always idea after idea after novel after idea.

There ya go, Jen. I analyzed you and your car now I’m going to try to get at least three hours of sleep. Peace out.

Friday, May 8, 2009


For my Birthday (which is soon btw), i want one of these two:

Taylor Swift

Allison Harvard
Rate this photo on BuddyTV

Allison Harvard from America's Next top Model.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Forty-third street.

“Waiter, can we have another round, please” Fran said, making a small circle over the three of our heads.
“on it’s way, miss”

“I‘m not even finished with this round” I chuckled, draining the last of my glass. “so, Jen, where’s Jon”?
“Home. I told him we were hanging out tonight” she answered.
“He could have came” Fran said.
“Yeah, it’s not like we don’t know him or anything. God, Jen you’ve only been with him for what, thirteen years. I think I might remember what he looks like. Tall, dark skin, and long, black hair, right”? I teased.
“eh…he’s thinning, but close” Jen laughed going through her oversized black leather Dior bag. “ I told him he was invited but he said he’s stay home with the kids. Uh…he’s such a good husband…where is it…ah ha finally” Jen took out, from the black hole that is the inside of her bag a Smuckers strawberry smoothie lip balm and applied it to her mouth. She laughed at mine and Frans looks. “what? It’s the best. I bought a pack of three for Lily but she accidentally lost one in my makeup bag“ she said making quotation marks around the word accidentally. The three of us laughed.

“ is the next book you write going to be about a mother bunny who stole her daughters grape flavored chap stick”? Fran teased. Jen smiled. “No…bunnies like carrot flavored chap stick. Duh. Besides, I don‘t want my first children‘s book being about a bunny stealing. That‘s something you write after you‘re successful“.
“Oh, I wasn’t aware that three books on Oprah’s list, a bunch of TV interviews, and an upcoming children’s book line wasn’t successful” I teased. “who knew”?

The waiter arrived at our table and handed each of us a new glass: Fran a class of red wine, Jen an apple martini, and me a Jack and coke.
“when did you start drinking real liquor”? Fran asked taking a sip of her wine
“When did you stop”? I asked.
“I’m a lady” Fran replied “I don’t drink such stuff” batting her eyelashes and taking another sip.
“So the whiskey is in the car” Jen chimed in
“was until about an hour ago” Fran laughed.

I took a sip of my drink. It was cold. Hard tasting, with a bit of a fizz. I remember when I hated this stuff. I spent my first five drinking years drinking nothing but Smirnoff’s, and wine coolers. It wasn’t until the stress of working 60 plus hours a week, living off of Chinese food, falling asleep in my office just to put together a new episode of the show did I start drinking like a real man. Ha I thought, you a real man.

I let out a giggle.
“What”? Jen asked.
“Nothing” I smiled. “Just, remember that time you were drunk for like forty-right hours straight”?
“in my parents basement” Fran added “do it, Andrew, do it” she laughed in between drinking wine and patting at me rapidly. I laughed, cleared my throat and got into character

“I looooooove Jon” I said throwing my head back in a drunkenly way “he fucks me good”. there was a chorus of laughter at the table which brought attention to us by other people at the restaurant.
“wait wait wait wait” I breathed. My side hurt from laughing “Andrew…what time is it”? I said. Jen snorted. “It’s noon, Jen” after a minute or so of silent giggles I said “you’re the best” and threw my hand to my side as if I were Jen drunk trying to pat me on my shoulder ten years ago.

“Oh my god” Fran laughed a deep, emphysema like laugh, wiping her eyes with her thumb “I haven’t heard that in such a long time”
“I haven’t heard that laugh in such a long time” I cried. “Andrew, turn up the oxygen” Fran and I busted into laughter again.

We finished our drinks and ordered another round. I could feel the alcohol starting to seep into my body. I knew if I stood up too quickly it would all rush to my legs and they would feel weak. So I decided to stay sitting and keep drinking. I remembered those days, ten years ago when we all sat in Frans basement and drank. Some more than others. Fran, Melany, and Jen having to deal with Brittany and I. I smiled. I haven’t talked to that girl in years. I wonder how she’s doing. Then Melany moved out or Frans house. Moved to North Carolina to live with her boyfriend Paul. Paul. I hated him the first day I met him. Obnoxious and loud. Then they got married and he went back to Iraq for almost a year.

“Do you remember Melany’s wedding party thing we went to”? I asked.
“Yeah” Fran said. “How could we not”? I let out a small chuckle. Melany’s wedding party. Oh Melany. I honestly didn’t think they would last. They rushed it. Marrying at 19. I remember the day she told me; that day, on her wedding day she called me and left me a voice mail while I was at work. I was working at H&M at the time. I called her back on my break and found out that she was getting married that day. I was shocked. Then there was the big wedding party thing they had a year later, once Paul was back from Iraq, again. We all drank. We were all having fun, when the fight happened. Oh god. One of Melany’s friends from north Carolina’s dates knew another person’s date, and not in a good “hey, how ya doin”? kind of way. In a “Hey, why the fuck are you here? I told you to never speak to me again” kind of way. It turns out that someone slept with someone else’s boyfriend and then someone told someone else, and then there was this huge fight. Even though there was super crazy drama, and that fight, we still managed to have a good night. I thought that that was a sign that this marriage wasn’t going to last. Silly me. Yeah, there were some issues between Melany and Paul, but after his accident, everything surprisingly got much better.
“I wonder how they’re doing”? Jen asked.
“They’re good” Fran said. “Justin got really big last time I saw him, and Diana is gorgeous”
“Yeah, last time I went to visit them she was learning how to walk. Regardless that was like two years ago, but whatever” I said.

“aw, I remember when Adam first learned how to walk.“ Jen said. “Poor guy was blessed with his mothers ability to be accident prone. Fell right into the coffee table. He had his first step and first set of stitches that night”
“Thank god he has his fathers good looks” I joked. Jen pouted. “Aww, I’m only kidding”
“Jon is perfect, and I’m adorable, so naturally our kids would be gorgeous” Jen said, stirring her martini with the toothpick it was served with
“Baby” Fran mocked. “Baby is perfect. Baby has pretty eyes. Me and baby make cute babies”
“we do” Jen said.

“God, I love shopping for your kids” I said, my eyes glowing with happiness. “Lily looks adorable in that Betsy dress”
“I know, and Jack loves that vest you got him. I don’t know why, but my kids love getting clothes from you. When I buy them new clothes they throw fits” Jen shrugged.
“that’s because I got style” I joked, snapping a Z motion with my hand.

I stumbled a little in my seat. I was definitely feeling the booze now. We all were. Now that I looked, I could tell that Jen was bright red in the face, and giggly, Fran was…Fran. She was probably drunk before noon, and I was ready for bed all of a sudden. Luckily my apartment was only a few blocks away, so I could just take a taxi.
“I just got so tired” I said looking at my watch. “It’s half past…I could never read these non digital watches” I said.
“Then why do you have one”? giggled Jen
“Because It looks good” I laughed grabbing Frans wrist and checking her watch “It’s half past one”
Fran rolled her eyes. “The dogs are probably busting at the seams” she said. “Last time I was out this late Arthur peed all over my bed. I bet on purpose, to teach me a lesson”
“What”? I asked “not to go drinking without them”?

We laughed. I waved over the waiter and asked for the check.
“I got it” said Fran and Jen together.
“No” I said sternly. “I got it. I think I’m pretty sure I still owe you two money from back when I was eighteen. Now that I am never negative in my account I can buy you ladies fancy things”
“Baby” Fran joked. Jen hit her arm.

I paid the waiter and the three of us walked out of the restaurant and onto forty third street. The lights hit my eyes and started to make my head hurt. The three of us each hailed a taxi.

“Have a good night guys” Jen said giving Fran and I a hug. “I’ll see you guys later”
“Night Jenny” Fran said squeezing her back. “Get home safe. Say hi to Jon and the kids for me”
“Yeah, me too” I said closing the cab door after she stepped in. “cute shoes by the way”
Jen rolled down the window. “Thanks. Prada. Got them at a sample sale on thirty second last week” she said before telling the cab driver to take her to Penn.

“Night, Fran” I said holding out my hand for a handshake
“Who are you”? she asked? “I don’t talk to strangers”
“Oh, I’m Joe. Nice to meet you” I said in a British Accent
“Oh hi” Fran said in a Minnesotan accent. “Nice to meet you, Joe. I’m Bernadette, I just moved here, ya know” extending her hand for the handshake. We shook hands.
“Okay, night Fran” I said, and hugged her before getting into my cab and telling him my cross streets.
“Night” Fran said, and I watched to make sure she got into her cab safe Like anyone would want to take her I thought and smiled to myself.

“Say hi to Ryan for me” I yelled out the window before my cab passed hers. She waved and the yellow taxi pulled away from the street.

Monday, May 4, 2009


Dear ok cupid members,

It has come to my attention while browsing through many of your profiles, that many of you have answered that one of the “six things you can never do without” is love. This is ridiculous. Will you die if you don’t have love? No. infact, since you are on this site, searching for love, that means that you are still alive, correct? Unless you are on your death bed, living off life support with tube up your nose, please shut the fuck up about not being able to do without love. Suck it.

Thank you
Yours truly,



I posted this on ok cupid, and got responces:

1) Actually, you're ridiculous. Do you just want everyone to put "water, food, oxygen, shelter, etc" as his or her six things you can't do without? What a boring site this would be. You're probably one of those who thinks that putting those into that section is "clever". Also, you do need love. Without the care and affection of other human beings, one does not develop fully. The point of the section is to see more about someone's personality, not what the person needs for his or her bodily functions.

2)All such lists must begin with "subatomic particles" and end with "the universe".

3)Are you telling me that you have no love in your life whatsoever, and are here looking for it? Because if so, bummer, and also scary. Living without a romantic relationship is one thing; living without love is quite another.

4)Please shut up about telling other people what they need.
Doing without isn't the same as surviving without, BTW.

so i responded:

wooah, take it easy. I posted this for a few reason: 1) to see if there was anyone who agreed with me; 90% of the people on here are on here to find love, simple. i was only saying that it there are a few other places on your profile that make it pretty obvious what you're here for, you do not have to write that you can't be without love (and i meant it relationship wise, for your information) 2) as a pure joke. noone can take this site seriously; isn't this a online 'dating' site? i'm sorry, but when i'm serious about looking for a relationship i don't go and play "bang or pass" or "what kind of pubic hair does the person above you have". I joined this site for a laugh. everything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. I find it funny that you are arguing with me and asking me if I don't have love in my life; of course I do, silly face. I wanted read a bunch of people's pages, and thought it would be funny to post this; there was no seriousness behind it. God, lighten up. 3) I wanted to see how many people actually read my profile, instead of just looking at my gorgeous face. 4) i love starting arguments. *diabolical bunny paws/ evil laugh)

then got back:

oh please. you and I both know that this post was a failed attempt at being cool.

to which i posted:

I don't have to try to be cool; it comes naturally *buffs nails*

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


So Christina and I saw Obsessed tonight. I have to say that it was good, not great. If that movie taught me anything, it was to never fuck with a black woman’s man. Holy shit, Beyonce was crazy at the end. I was all “daaaay-uuuum” anyway, I really enjoyed it, but didn’t love it. There, Fran, a movie that I saw and didn’t think was the best. Fuck you ^_^

Speaking of Fran, I would like to just take a moment and point out how awesome of a friend she is. Yes, there are times I want to slap her in the face, or yell at her, or lock her and Ryan in two separate rooms, but I know that she would be there in a heartbeat if anything happened to me, or I needed her. And, AND! I know that if we ever fell out of touch the minute we saw each other again it would be the same as always. So here’s to you, Fran *lifts glass*, for being my friend.

Change. Change is sometimes good. Sometimes. There are times where you get a new job, and you meet new people, and you all really get along, and you love your job, and you start hanging out with those new people, and then you start doing really well at your job, and you can get a promotion, and meet the person of your dreams, and get married, and have kids, and have a great life…and it’s all because of that one change. But then there are times where you are on the other side of that change; your best friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, parent/sibling gets that new job, and soon they are so happy with their change in life, that they completely drop you from their life. This would be where change is bad.

You know, every time I’m finally clear headed “It” pops up. It’s not one thing that it’s usually always in my thoughts, and sometimes I dream about it, but once I forget about it, it’s there, mocking me and it doesn’t even know it’s doing it. There are so many things I want to say to it, but I know that if I saw it I wouldn’t…I care too much about it, and the sad part is that it doesn’t care about me. It doesn’t care about anything anymore.

Sometimes I think Jen and I are on the same brainwave, because it always seems when one of us is upset, the other is usually upset about the same thing. This time…it was It. Jen is probably the only person who feels the same thing I’m feeling when it comes to it…I’m getting sick of saying It so I’m stopping now.

Yeah, this wasn’t the blog I expected tonight.

Monday, April 27, 2009

check-a-check-a-check it out.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

zig zag, step, slide.

Body: Full name: Andrew Steven Meissner.
Place of birth: Bayshore, NY.
Date Of Birth: June 21 1989.
Single or taken: single.
Favorite color: I don’t have one.
Want or have kids: eventually want one.
Favorite place to be: ehh…I’m not sure.
Best friend: I have more than one.
How long have you known them: from 3-6 years.
Have you been in love: once.
Favorite Food: salad.
Favorite season: I guess summer.
Hair color: brown.
Eye color: brown hazel.
Siblings: three brothers.
Parents names: Michele and Craig.
Named after anyone: them? No. ^_-
Broken any bones: nope *knock wood*
Some of your closest friends: Fran and Jen.
What are you doing this weekend: working?
Where would you like to be right now: who knows.
Who would you like to be with: *shrug*
Have you had your heart broken: once.
Have you broken someones heart: *shrugs*
Have you told someone you loved them and not meant it: in a relationship? In like middle school.
Do you want to be in love with someone: yeah.
Would you take a bullet for someone: for someone I loved, yeah.
Do you hate anyone: no.
Does anyone hate you: everyone hates how much they love me.
Where would you like to go on vacation: *shrug*
Favorite childhood memory: puh-lease, any memory with me in it was a favorite.
How is your day going? Long.
Did you do anything super fun? Work is fun.
Are you currently texting anyone? No.
What are you listening to? Nothing.
Do you like math? I do.
Are you wearing any jewelry? Necklace, five bracelets, and a watch.
Do you like Hannah Montana? *giggle* boom boom clap.
How many bands do you have as friends on myspace? One?
Do you have a facebook? Werd.
Do you have a socialsplash? Nope.
What's the saddest song you've ever heard? That fucking Christmas shoe song. I hate it.
Does your room need to be cleaned? My room is usually always cleaned.
How old do you think you'll be when you die? I’m a vampire.
Do you want to live to be 120? And look like I’m 25.
Do you own any instruments? A guitar that I never, ever play.
Do you have braces? Nah son
If not, have you ever had them or are you going to? I had them for five years.
Have you ever met someone famous? Yeah.
What color is the floor in whatever room you are in? mauvy blue.
What room are you in? my room.
Do you like this room? It’s the master bedroom, duh.
Do you talk to nonliving objects? Werd.
How many purses do you own? I own a bunch of man purses.
Do you like the ear buds or the old style of earphones? Ear buds
Are your nails painted? Nope.
Do you lie about your age? No.
What are your summer plans? Work. Maybe road trip.
Do you want a puppy? Not at all.
If so, what kind? ____

boom boom clap.

Okay, so I’m kind of addicted to gossip girl. Like fo real real. I love it. I was up til seven the other morning watching it because I don’t know how to make anything last. Nine straight hours of gossip girl. When it was over I felt disappointed because I have nothing to look forward to anymore, but OH MY GOD so good.

In other news I started H&M last week. It’s really fun. I like it a lot. The people are really nice too. I’m still ‘training’ but it’s all good. I’m making 9.70 an hour, and working 15-20 hours a week. Not too bad. I’m also going to keep applying for unemployment and hopefully I won’t get arrested lol. I know I can still collect partial because I’m making less than $400 a week, but I wonder if I can get full and not get in trouble *bites nails*

In other, other news I had a dream last night. Well…I had a few dreams last night but only two stand out in my memory. The first one was I was at a party at Miley Cyrus’s house, and everyone was being really nice to her and to each other but once she left everyone hated each other. I know there was more to it, and I remember yelling at someone in it, but I can’t remember who or why.

The other dream made me laugh. I dreamed that I was at work and it was 7:00 and I used my walkie to tell my manager, Irene that I was taking my half an hour break so I went in the back room, pinched out, and went back to the fitting room, not on break. At 7:20 I used my walkie again and asked if I could take my break. Irene said “aren’t you on it now”? and I was all “Oh my God I forgot” and she was all “what did I tell you about working while you’re on your break”? and then I said something else and finally said “I hope you’re not terribly disappointed with me, Irene” and she laughed and told me to walk the walk of shame.

I woke up with a pounding headache, but giggling.

Last night I got wasted. I haven’t felt that drunk in a long time. Jen, Ryan and I were at Frans house, and Fran was already kind of drunk from the party her and Jen went to, so I wanted to catch up so I downed seven Smirnoff’s and did two shots. The minute I stood up to pee it all hit me. Holy fuck. I was so dizzy and wanted to die. Well, not really; I wanted to throw up and finish playing taboo, but I ended up passing out after I made myself vomit like ten million times. I’m such a bulimic alcoholic.

I don’t think there is anything else I want to say…so peace.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

ya know.

Are you really ready for 111 questions? Maybe.
2) Who's the last person you had sex with? someone's daughter.
3) How is your life right now? Pretty chill.
4) Was your last relationship a mistake? Not at all.
5) Who did you last say “I love you” to? Umm…I don’t remember.
6) Do you regret it? ---
7) Have you ever been depressed? Not horribly.
8) Are you a boy or girl? My penis says boy.
9) What is your relationship status? Single.
11) What did you last eat? A piece of chocolate bunny.
12) Play any sports? My disco stick.
13) Do you bite your nails? Mmmmhmm..
15) Do you have an attitude? See above.
16) Do you like someone? Nope.
18) Out of the following, which do you have most of: faith, strength, hope, wisdom? None.
19) Are you gonna get high later? Nah.
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? Nope.
21) Do you miss someone? Sometimes.
23) Do you tan a lot? I’m always tan.
24) Have any pets? Yes.
25) How exactly are you feeling? Apathetic.
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving? Yes…
27) Ever made out in the bathroom? Yeah.
28) Brothers or sisters? Three brothers.
29) Are you scared of spiders? Not really.
31) Do you regret anything from your past? No.
32) What are your plans for this weekend? Don’t know.
33) Do you want to have kids? Eventually.
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose first name starts with M? no.
36) Do you have piercings? Three.
37) Want any more? Eh…
38) Can you spell well? Well.
39) Do you miss anyone from your past? Yes.
40) What are you craving right now? Blooming onion.
41) Ever been to a bonfire party? No.
42) What is something you want to accomplish in the next month or two? Move.
43) Have you ever been on a horse? I think so.
46) Have you ever been cheated on? I don’t think so.
48) What's your favorite thing to do? Love.
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? Yes.
50) What should you be doing? Nothing.
51) What’s irritating you right now? Nothing.
52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? Once.
53) Does somebody love you? Um..who doesn’t?
54) What is your favorite color? It varies.
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Yeah.
58) What are you doing right now? This…
59) Do you have any talents? Some.
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I guess.
61) When's the last time you peed? Half an hour ago?
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? Who knows.
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? Brittany.
64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Depends.
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? Neither, because if you don’t forget you never actually forgive.
66) Is this year the best year of your life? No.
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Yeah.
69) Who was your last text from? Fran.
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yeah.
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Umm..made a list.
72) If you had the power to change something, what would you change? Things.
73) What is bothering you? Nothing.
74) What did your last text say? Something about something.
75) Do you play the Wii? Sometimes.
76) Are you listening to music right now? Nope.
77) Do you like chinese food? Amen.
78) Do you know your fathers birthday? May 1, 1970.
79) Are You Afraid of the Dark? No.
81) Are you mean? I honestly think I am a really good person.
83) Do you have a couch in your bedroom? Yeah.
84) Do you believe in true love? I believe in love. True love, I don’t know.
85) Do you work? H&M.
86) What's your least favorite part of your life? Stuff.
87) What song describes your life right now? *shrugs*
88) Do you like the outside? No.
89) Are you currently bored? Eh.
90) Do you wanna get married? Maybe.
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Sometimes.
92) Are you hungry? No.
93) Have you ever gone outside of the country? No.
94) What makes you happy? Things.
96) Ever been to Alaska? No.
97) Can you access Facebook on your phone? If I want.
98) Do you watch the news? No.
99) What’s your zodiac sign? Technically a Cancer.
100) Do you like Subway? Sometimes.
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed again? Depends.
103) Do you talk like your friends? I think so.
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? Yup.
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Yup.
107) Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? Mom.
108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes? Yeah.
109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Um…I don’t know. How deep is deep?
110) Favorite lyrics right now? *blank stare*
111) Can you count to one million? Probably not.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


Once again I have found a show that I can not live without. First it was Charmed, then Sex and the City, then Nip Tuck, Now Gossip Girl. I am seriously addicted to Gossip Girl like it is nobody’s business. I keep finding myself yelling at my laptop screen because Serena and Ben obviously belong together, and Blair and Chuck kind of need each other, but they all keep breaking up then hooking up then date then break up again. One might say that if you find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster watching a television show, that means only one of two things: you have no life, or the show is amazing. I’m going with the latter on this one. I rented the first season from the library and I watched the entire thing in one day. I stayed up til 5 in the morning because I needed to know what would happen, and now I am trying very hard not to buy any more episodes from the second season on itunes. I bought the first three but I need to watch more! I need to know what is happening!!! OH MY GOD!

In other news, I start work soon. Tuesday. Yaay. Actually, Linda just texted me and told me that sally’s is still hiring. I think I’ll ask my new manager if it would be okay if I got a second job, make sure it doesn’t interfere with me working there. It would be cool to work with Linda again ^_^

In other, other news I have my interview at F.I.T in four days!! FOUR DAYS!!! I still need to do two pictures for my portfolio though. Eek. I’m not nervous at all, and I have no desire to draw the last two pictures. I actually started both, but I don’t know if I like them. Well I got to get my act together and finish this fucker.

Okay, I think I will spend another $3 and buy another episode…

Friday, April 10, 2009


oh and explain to me, please, how beasts can get girlfriends, but I can't...just throwing that out there.


ya know...sometimes change can be a good thing, but it sucks when it doesn't end well...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I almost peed myself at the end:


Operator: 911 emergencies.
Boy: Yeah I need some help.
Operator: What’s the matter?
Boy: With my math.
Operator: With your mouth?
Boy: No with my math. I have to do... More »
Operator: 911 emergencies.
Boy: Yeah I need some help.
Operator: What’s the matter?
Boy: With my math.
Operator: With your mouth?
Boy: No with my math. I have to do it. Will you help me?
Operator: Sure. Where do you live?
Boy: No with my math.
Operator: Yeah I know. Where do you live though?
Boy: No, I want you to talk to me on the phone.
Operator: No I can’t do that. I can send someone else to help you.
Boy: Okay.
Operator: What kind of math do you have that you need help with?
Boy: I have take aways.
Operator: Oh you have to do the take aways.
Boy: Yeah.
Operator: Alright, what’s the problem?
Boy: Um, you have to help me with my math.
Operator: Okay. Tell me what the math is.
Boy: Okay. 16 take away 8 is what?
Operator: You tell me. How much do you think it is?
Boy: I don’t know, 1.
Operator: No. How old are you?
Boy: I’m only 4.
Operator: 4!
Boy: Yeah.
Operator: What’s another problem, that was a tough one.
Boy: Um, oh here’s one. 5 take away 5.
Operator: 5 take away 5 and how much do you think that is?
Boy: 5.
Woman: Johnny what do you think you’re doing?!
Boy: The policeman is helping me with my math.
Woman: What did I tell you about going on the phone?
Operator: It’s the mother…
Boy: You said if I need help to call somebody.
Woman: I didn’t mean the police.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Roses have thorns they say.

Ah! So I had all these things jumping around in my head that I wanted to blog about, but figures. Once I actually sit down and start writing a blog I forget. And figures. Once I get out of my weird sleeping pattern, I take a nap from 6-10 which will make me fall back to sleep probably at like 4 in the morning. Fuck me.

Lets start with the most important I guess:
Remember that time I had a job, and I made money, and I bought pretty things? Well that time is here again. Yes. Finally, after almost two months of sitting at home and doing nothing, Andrew snagged a job. I am not an employee at H&M *cheers*. Start Tuesday, April 14th. 12-5. The only sucky thing is that I’m part time and part timers only average fifteen hours a week. I’m use to working about forty. The good thing is I will be making $9.57 an hour. She told me that and I had to catch myself before my jaw dropped, because at KB I started at only $6.50. God, this is why I love the mall.

I went in today to do the paperwork and I met all the managers and the girl that will be training me, Dana. I have the honor of being her first trainee. She’s pretty cute too so I’m looking forward to being trained by her. I was told that I would start next Tuesday so on my way out I went up to Dana and was all *smiles* “see you next Tuesday” and then I giggled to myself because I remembered what “see you next Tuesday” was. The things Jen teaches you at KB.

I can’t wait to make money again. Since I will only be working fifteen hours a week, I think I can still collect unemployment which would be tres tres cool because that means I would be making about $300 a week, and roughly $1000 a month. I could just become a cop and make $100 every other week, but the mall seems cooler.

I’m going to turn into Jen, I know it. I’ll be in the mall so I will be around all these fashionable stores. I like fashion, so I will probably be shopping at these fashionable stores (especially now that I will be getting a 25% discount at H&M), so Andrew will be starting a crash diet so he can look even better.

Besides clothes, there are a bunch of other things I wanna buy. I want to get:

-new Ipod (maybe an ipod touch). $400
-New cell phone
-Drawing tablet for my laptop $200
-New, bigger pack of markers (the 150 count) $300-$400

To get these things, However, I have to start saving money. I also want to go places. I started thinking about things I want to do for my birthday. I came to the conclusion that I want to go to Lips. ( It’s a Drag dinner theater and it looks like so much Fun. Christina and I have been talking about going to a drag show forever. I remembered this place while watching Connie and Carla with her this morning, did some research, and decided I wanted to go here. It’s like $50 a person though, which I wouldn’t care about because Jen reminded me that they all love me enough to spend that, but then we need train tickets, and probably subway rides, so figure another $30 or so. Now we’re talking about $80-$100 a person and I would feel really, really bad if I made them pay that much. Maybe I can get a big group together and have an actual party there, not just go. It might be cheaper. Hmm.. Must look into that.

Last night I slept over Christina’s house. I finally, FINALLY finished a self portrait I was drawing and I text her a picture of it. Then we were talking and she told me to come over. Her entire family was away so naturally one thing led to the other and ya know…we watched Baby Mama and drank strawberry daiquiris and wine, played Wii and passed out. I also tried a really, really good cigarette last night. It was something Black and it was soooo good. Like makes me want to take up smoking good. This morning I actually planned to go home early, but I ended up staying til three. She made me breakfast (which I offered to help but she refused), took a shower in the basement (where I thought I would be manly and use head and shoulders shampoo but got giddy at the Japanese cherry blossom body scrub), watched Connie and Carla, and played more Wii.

I’m almost positive there was a million more things I wanted to say, but I guess I will have to put them in another blog. Peace out.

AAAH!!! OH MY GOD!! This is my 100th blog post. *cheers* I should win a cooler or something. Mmm…beach. I want it to be summer.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

See you next tuesday.

My parents came home today!!! I asked my mom how the house hunting was and she told me that they didn’t go. They basically just hung out at my grandmas house and talked with everyone. Nice, huh? I wanted to go with them fo real real bad, but couldn’t because they were “looking for houses and stuff” and they ended up no doing that. My family is lovely. I did, however get a t-shirt (from wal-mart) that says “Florida” on it. Just what I wanted. My parents went to Florida and all I got was a lousy t-shirt *grimace*


-my parents fight

-my mom will bug me to fix her weave

-my parents fight. All the time.

-I won’t have control of the kitchen.

In other news, I had an interview at H&M today!!! I think it went very, very well. When I went on the interview at panera I was hella nervous (nervous nervous) *nervous fingers* and totally screwed that up, but I was really comfortable today and felt I did an awesome job (well, hello. Look who we’re talking about here). There were two women who interviewed me: an older woman whom I’m assuming is the head manager, and a younger manager whom I’m taking to be the head assistant manager.

The H&M back room is fucking huge. There is a huge room that all the merchandise stays in and like six smaller rooms with desks and stuff. All the doors have a code thingy on them so you don’t need a key to get in.

They asked me a whole bunch of questions and I had them laughing and they basically told me I had gotten the job, they just needed to do a background check and they’d call me once that came back (which she said should be anywhere from 3days to a week). I’m pretty excited about it. I looked awesome, by the way. I was going to wear all black but changed into regular jeans and a black v-neck t shirt with a green scarf. It would have looked perfect with either a black, or purple light knit cardigan over it but I didn’t have a black or purple one so I changed into a white ring tee, with a tan and brown stripped cardigan and ran to the gap outlet to find the black or purple one, but ended up buying two shirts instead. A really nice turquoise v neck, and a heather and charcoal grey ringer tee. I ended up wearing what I had on and looked adorable ^_^

In other, other news, I’ve become addicted to word whomp. It’s a game from pogo I use to play a million years ago. I stumbled upon it yesterday and I’m hooked again. What the game is is there are six little moles in holes that are holding up letters. You have to make as many 3-6 letter words as you can from those letters. The more you make, the more points you get. The more points you get, the more tokens you win. The more tokens you win, the more clothes you can buy for your avatar. So naturally I want the best clothes, so I’m playing non stop.

While playing word whomp, I got these letters, in this orderPhotobucketI almost peed myself. Unfortunately “cunt” is not in their dictionary (obviously these moles haven’t seen Atonment) but a girl can dream, can’t she?


Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Real Housewives of Medford, NY.

Ugh. I am turning into my mother.

For those of you who don’t know, my parents went to Florida to look at houses and shit because my dad retires in a year and they (my dad) wants to move down to Florida. Anyway, so I’m playing mom for the week.

Sunday night I didn’t fall asleep until 2:30 in the morning, and woke up at 5:30 Monday morning so I could drive my parents to the airport. By the time I got home it was 6:30ish so there was no point going back to bed since Zack had to get up at 7. So I fiddled around for a while and woke Zack up around 7:15ish. I made him an egg sandwich and it was super yummy because I made one for me too.

Dylan and Brandon wake up at 8, so I woke them up at 8:15. They got pancakes for breakfast. This was the first time I made anyone breakfast in a long time and I realized how much I miss it. Ugh!

I made them their lunch and sent them away leaving me to have the house to myself for six hours. I swear to god I was going to get dunkin’ donuts coffee and I had an urge to go to the mall before they opened. And then all I wanted to do was go to bed actualy, but I was so tired that I was overtired and hyper so I made a new play list and went on the treadmill.

After working out I took a shower. It was now around 10 so I went into the living room to “watch tv” which is me for pass the fuck out.

Could I? of course not. Not because I wasn’t tired, oh no. because I was deathly afraid I would fall asleep and then sleep so long or so deep that I would miss the kids coming home and they would be stuck outside (ya know, because they can’t knock on the door or anything), or one of them would die at school and I would sleep through the call. Sigh.

When I did start to doze off the phone rings. Not just once, but EVERY FUCKING TIME my eyes closed. Fo real. First it was my nanny calling to see if I was okay, then someone else called. Then my mom called my cell phone. Then poppy called RIGHT AFTER my mom to make sure that I was okay because I guess when nanny called it wasn’t good enough. I’m almost 20 but ya know, I can’t take care of myself or anything. Sigh.

By the time everyone was done calling Zack was home. Great. So he gets home and whatever. So I had to stay awake. The other kids come home at 3:45. When they got home they did their homework, and I was all “what do you guys want for dinner” “how was school” blah blah blah.
I totally forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer so I couldn’t make chicken cutlets like I wanted to because it would take waaay too long for that shit to defrost. So instead I put the chicken in the sink to defrost and made a soy sauce stir fry thingy instead and it was really good.
After dinner I cleaned up (because god forbid anyone cleans up after themselves). Being a mom, I wanted to make a dessert so I made a chocolate chip cookie cake. So good! SO GOOD!

The rest of the night was me running around the house and cleaning up after them OH MY FUCKING GOD. Both Fran and Jen text me with “how is motherhood”? sigh. I am definitely my mother. I am noticing things that I haven’t before, like the dirt on the floor that the kids track in, when the dogs eat something, the backdrop of the stove being dirty. Holy shit. It’s like I was injected with the mom gene. I’m finding myself annoying.

I fell asleep on the couch at 10:20 last night, watching Scooby-doo. That’s how tired I was. Luckily everyone else fell asleep too so I was able to get to bed, but of course I got a second wind of energy and didn’t actually fall asleep until 2 only for me to get up again at 7 this morning.
And it is fucking sad that when I woke up the first thing that I thought of wasn’t “where is the snooze button”? like I usually do, but “Fuck, I left the chicken out” and “what am I making for dinner tonight”? Oh my God.

So I got out of bed and woke Zack up, who had a “headache” and wanted to stay home. Fuck that shit. I was his age once. Headache=I’m tired.

I was not making them a gourmet breakfast this morning so they got cereal. Psssht, I aint that much of a mother yet.

While they were eating do you know what I did? I fucking swept the kitchen because it was pissing me off. All I can say is holy shit.

And. AND! I’m fucking listening to Dora on tv, and the kids left for school twenty minutes ago.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

color me boring.

Because I have no life, I started watching commercials on you tube. Here’s some of my favorites:

I’m sick of my shoulder pain. Thank god someone invented these!

If Fran and I worked at an office:

And I always thought the reason people who eat Mcdonalds are single because they’re fat:

All my life I’ve been looking for something to make me feel complete too:

I have one!!!

I want one!!!

I would kill someone for a magic bullet. Fo realz. Fran is definitely Hazel!