Monday, October 20, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
This week has been nothing but perfect.
I’m going to give you a quick warning and going to tell you that the following blog is chock full of gay. ;)
So, anyway, this week has been perfect. Let me start with Thursday, when this all started:
Thursday: Thursday started like any other day, but I was in much anticipation for that night; Brittany’s whole family went away to South Carolina for nine or ten days, and I was told, by Mrs. Palma, to stay with her all week because she didn’t want her coming home to an empty house. Brittany and I planned on this anyway, but it was cool to have her mom’s approval. So Thursday I went to school, like I usually do, no wait- I didn’t have school Thursday; it was some Jewish holiday...and I didn’t have work either. That’s right! I slept til noon then hung out with Christina. I made her Halloween costume for her and we went to Joanne for some fabric. That was fun, but the entire day all I kept saying was "I can’t wait for tonight!". after Christina left I packed some stuff (that I didn’t pack the previous days) and waited impatiently for Brittany to get home. For the past two weeks I’ve been waiting for her outside her house. I bring my book with me and just sit in my car until she arrives. Thursday night, however, I was staying over. I only slept over her house once so it was all new to me to be staying over her house, rather than her sleeping at my place. Anyway, I got there, and she beat me home, which was a first. I did stop and got coffee, but I still should have bet her here. Whatever. That night all we really did was say hi, and then went to bed.
Friday: I woke up next to Brittany, which is always nice. There is something about waking up next to someone you love that makes you feel that nothing else in the world matters. We both work up at noon, so we rushed to get ready. Brittany usually leaves her house around 1:20, and I had work at 1:30. We got dressed, ate breakfast and left. I went to work, big deal, and then went to Melany’s house. Jenny crashed and I dyed her hair. She wanted to go darker, but somehow it came out lighter. It looks super awesome though :) So Mel, Jen, and I had a really good night. We played guitar hero, and watched Britney Spears’s new music video.
Brittany beat me home again that night. When I walked thru the door she was in the shower already, so I hung out in the living room and waited for her to finish. She ate then we went to sleep (there’s probably something in between that *wink wink*)
Saturday: I woke up at 9. I needed to go to work at 10. I got dressed, kissed Brittany (who was still in bed which made me feel bubbly inside) goodbye and went to work. Work dragged as usual. After work I ran back to my house. I showered quick and grabbed some stuff, then came back to the Palma house. Brittany was reading when I got home so I got my book out too. We were only supposed to read for twenty minutes then go out to eat (because I was starving) but we ended up reading for an hour and twenty minutes (and then doing other stuff for another hour and a half after that)
Brittany bought me Outback (because I’m always super poor...read the previous blog). At Outback, the newly showered Brittany and I got a blooming onion (yummy) and Alice spring chicken (double yummy). Brittany told me to only eat half of my meal so we have breakfast for the next day (I think she was really trying to tell me that I was a super fatty and I need to eat less). After Outback we ran to walbaums to get sorbet. We got home and watched the movie Clue and ate sorbet. I fell asleep halfway into the movie. After that we went to "bed"...
Sunday: once again I was super happy when I woke up. Even though her dogs wakes me up like nine times in the night to let them out I feel super rested and absolutely happy. I wonder why ^_- I didn’t have work which made both of us very happy...*giggle*For breakfast we had left over Alice Spring chicken, like Brittany said we would. She had some errands to do so we went to the cop shop (which was closed), my house to pick up...something, then we went to blockbuster for a vampire movie which we had no luck finding. After blockbuster we went to panera (yummmmy) wait! How can I forget the most important part??? she insisted on buying me gas then we went to the Halloween store by the mall and got FANGS!!!!! they’re awesome! They have this special mold stuff that you melt and mold to your back teeth so it’s like a retainer. It’s a perfect, customized fit.
That night we ate Panera and watched Prom night. After that we went to "bed"...
Monday: Yesterday I woke up and basically ran out the door. Once again we over slept so we didn’t have much us time. I did, however have a mini heart attack because I thought I lost a contact, but it ended up falling into Brittany’s mirror. I went to school then work. I closed with Linda so you know we didn’t really do anything. I read behind the counter half the night.
When I got back to the house I was alone so I took advantage of it; I cleaned :) it was awesome. The Palma’s now have a clean living/dining room and kitchen. I even went in the fridge and threw stuff out. I made Brittany and me home made veggie burgers, smiles, and mac&cheese for dinner. Then we cuddled a little on the couch and went straight to bed.
Today, Tuesday: I woke up at 10:00. I had life drawing at 11:15 so I needed to leave by 10:40. Did I? No. I went to put my contacts in but it took me foooorever to get them in. By the time I got done with them it was already 10:30. I was really hungry and needed to make breakfast and get dressed and stuff. I ended up skipping class and spent the morning in bed with my girlfriend. I made us pancakes and sausage (which she had no clue were in her freezer). I took the remote and channel surfed while we ate. Like any other mature couple we watched the Doodlebops on the disney channel. After the Doodlebops we watched Higmitown heros. We got bored with Disney and laid back down. Cuddling in bed with the disney channel on in the backgound made my mind explode. *WARNING WARNING!! GAY ALERT* in my head I pictured her and I laying in bed, just waking up, and a little kid, our kid, running in and turning the tv on and jumping in bed with us and the three of us watched the Doodlebops and ate pancakes in bed. I know I’m crazy but it really made me smile. I do not, I repeat: DO NOT want a baby right now, but I kind of...can’twaittohaveonewithBrittanyinthefuture.
I went to my Harry Potter class, took the O.W.L (midterm), then went to work. Tonight I worked with Dave, and we did pull downs in the fourth aisle then I read behind the counter again (I’m such a hard worker). After work I went back to my house and picked up a pumpkin pie that my mom made for Brittany and some other food then came back to Brittany’s house. Tonight I made an apple and cinnamon roll (which smells yummy) and in a few minutes I’m making ravioli for dinner. I really like doing this for her, I like living with her, and can’t wait to actually be doing it. Shut up! I’m gay, I know.
You drive me crazy
I just cant sleep Im so excited,
I'm in too deep Ohh...crazy,
but it feels alright Baby,
thinkin of you keeps me up all night
Friday, October 10, 2008
Okay, so I’ve become a little obsessed with the Twilight series, kill me. I seriously want to be a vampire, like fo real real. Like any other fan girl I’ve been researching the series and fanart and stuff online. I just came across a website with pictures of the release party from Breaking Dawn, the fourth book in the series, and the pictures were creepy. There were millions of girls in wedding dresses, and yellow porches, and guys trying to look hot, and ‘Team Edward’ shirts, etc…I rolled my eyes and called them stupid. Then I realized ‘Hey, I’m one of them’: I dressed up for the release party for the last Harry Potter movie/book, and now I want to be a vampire. I’m no better than them. Sigh. Life has come to this.In other stuff, I borrowed Wondershowzen from Brittany (well, technically Devon…thanks dev) and I watched the first disc with my brothers tonight. Hehehe. That show is awesome on so many levels.
Oooo it’s one in the morning. Must go to Brittany’s now. Yeah, we have the house to ourselves all week ;) be jealous. i want twizzlers.
I’m just looking for the easy way out
But I’m stuck in the clouds
And it’s pouring in here
Don’t say that I’m doubting them now
I’m just looking for ways for this not to go south
Ooooh, I’m nowhere near.
Friday, October 3, 2008
I have off this weekend, and Brittany’s family is going away to visit Devon at school. I wanted to plan this really romantic weekend for the two of us (maybe a museum, or just dinner and a movie) but I can’t because I’m fucking broke. I’m always broke, even when I don’t buy myself things. I’m so sick of never having money. I’m sick of never being able to buy Brittany things, or take her out (I mean I do when I can, but I want to do it more often). Honestly, I’m mostly jealous of her. She’s a cop, and I know that she works her ass off , but I’m envious of her paychecks. What I made in two weeks, she made in overtime. That’s sick. I feel like a child. I feel like I go to KB (as a hang out spot) and then I get an allowance every two weeks. KB isn’t the most stressful place to work, but I work more than most of the other people there. I’m next to be an assistant manager, I guess you can call me the lead associate? I’ve been working there for three years, and I don’t even make $8 an hour. That’s retarded. Melany just got her old job back at the photo department in CVS, and she’s starting at $9, and in three months she gets a raise. Regardless, it was a pay cut for her compared to Hawkeye, but still, $9 an hour to start? I’m so jealous. I wish I was making that. I wish I was making $8 an hour.
I need to leave KB, I need to find a better job, where I will be working the same amount of hours, but double the pay. I’m sick of people I know who do nothing, and they have these jobs where they get $10, 11, 13 an hour and they don’t even work. I’m a hard worker. I do what I’m told, and I do it well. I would make an awesome manager, I know it.
I feel like I’m the youngest out of everyone; Brittany’s a cop, Jen works in two chiropractors offices, Fran’s in a god damn museum, Melany works in photo, and I’m in a toy store, every child’s dream. The worst part about it is I like spending money- I like nice things. I like to shop and not just buy myself things, but other people things. Fran took me, Jen, and Ryan out to dinner the other night. I felt horrible that she had to pay for me, yet again. We have this joke that she always buys me shit, but it’s true. I feel really bad when people buy me things. Even though I’m all “Aw, thanks guys! I‘m a bum” on the outside I’m destroying myself on the inside. I call myself names. I basically feel useless. I’m dead weight. I can’t stand always being dependent on other people.
Brittany and I have been talking about getting an apartment together when she gets out of the academy, and I really really want to love with her, but I refuse to bum an apartment off of her. We joked that I’ll do all the cooking and decorating, and she’ll take care of the finances because I can’t hold onto money, but you know what, it hurts to know that that’s true. I can have $5 in my pocket, and a week before payday, but I need to spend that $5 or I’ll go crazy. I hate borrowing money from my parents; I’ve gotten so many talks from my dad, that I ignore him now. I know he’s right, I should manage my money better, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have no self-control. I can’t do anything I tell myself I will do. Including weight problems: I started doing sit-ups each night. It lasted for a week, maybe. I planned that every night I would add five more, until I could do 200 a night, but I stopped at maybe 50 sit ups. I’m useless. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be around, that my friends would be better off without me. It seems that all I’m good for is cutting hair. I really want to go out with everyone and when we get the check throw my card on the table and refuse to let anyone else pay. I feel like a bad friend, and even worse, a bad boyfriend. Jon would do anything for Jen, and Ryan to Fran, but I feel like I can’t do enough for Brittany. I’m always comparing myself to everyone else, and I know deep down I’m really self-conscious. I can play it off that I’m not very well, but I am. I need to admit it. I always feel so impairer compared to everyone else; I’m never smart enough, I’m never good looking enough, I’m not manly enough, thin enough, funny enough. I’m just there, wasted space.
Your lovin' give me such a thrill,
But your lovin' don't pay my bills;
Money don't get everything it's true,
What it don't get I can't use;