Sunday, November 23, 2008

You set my soul alight

I’m so blank. I have nothing to do. I haven’t drawn lately. I finished my book. I’ve been living at work for the past week. It’s winter so I’ll be there all the time, which I guess helps, but I’m getting sick of looking at the same things. I’m tired of being broke because I want to just go out. I want to get in my car and just leave. I can’t! next week when I get paid I can’t just leave; it’s black Friday. I’m working a twelve hour shift that day (and probably that Wednesday and Friday as well). I feel very empty. I’ve been trying to occupy myself, but nothing is working. I’ve been trying to watch the sex and the city movie, but I can never just sit down in the living room and watch it, and I can’t watch it in my room because my dvd player is retarded. My room is a mess (the worst it’s ever been in a while), I haven’t thought about anything to wear, my hair has seen better days, I haven’t worn contacts in the past five days, my bed is unmade, I’ve been forgetting things. I’m sick of it. Why the fuck can’t I just get over it and go on with my life? Because I don’t want to. Maybe I like feeling like this. Maybe I think I deserve to feel empty and lonely. Maybe I like sulking because I want attention or affection (but I shake them off when I’m given it). I just want to be held. I want someone to hug me and tell me it’ll be okay. I want someone to kiss my cheek and put their fingers through my hair and lay with me until I stop being such an ass hole. I’m a happy person, but I just can’t feel happy right now.

I thought I was a fool for no-one

Oh baby I'm a fool for you

You're the queen of the superficial

And how long before you tell the truth

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