Thursday, September 24, 2009

Bratz, the movie review.

Umm, okay, so i rented the Bratz movie (because i'm a preteen girl) and i just have to say that it is the most ridiculous movie i've ever watched. first of all, aren't the bratz dolls supposed to be um, gorgeous and really into fashion? well...umm except for Sasha (the only pretty one) they don't dress very well.

this is also one of the most stereotypical movies i'e ever watched:

Cloe: blonde, lives in a nice home, pretty, only catch is she isn't very girly. she's sporty and poor apparently.
Jade: Asian. parents expect things from her. in science club. first day of school she makes fireworks in lab class.
Yasmin: Spanish. walks out of her room to an ENTIRE MEXICAN BAND in her kitchen. has no friends. figures.
Sasha: Black, but instead of not having a father, her parents are split up and hate eachother. she's a cheerleader (i guess because this school doesn't have a step team).

then there is this deaf kid who Yasmin bumps into and i think they are going to get it on later in the movie.

THEN!!!! the girls SPLIT UP and aren't friends anymore because they joined cliques (except Yasmin), and two years go by and everyone looks EXACTLY the same!!!

now i'm up to the part where the black music teacher is trying to make the deaf kid "feel the music" by having him put his hand on the speaker while he scratches the records.

OH!! and this school has a "people who like to dress as dinosaurs" click, and apparently you can bring your dog to school in this movie.

now there's a whole food fight scene because they all spilled spaghetti on each other and teachers are in on it...

now the huge bust of their principal fell and broke, because ya know, all schools have a bust of their principals. I know i did.

now they all have detention and are calling each other names. now sasha is giving sass and apparently cloe aint got no dad.

now yasmin is all "Oooo you shouldn't have said that nigga"

god, now they're all apologizing.

cloe kind of likes lady gaga, fyi.

now they all are planning on taking control of their lives and be themselves and not be in their cliques anymore.

JESUS CHRIST this movie is AWFUL!

okay, now they are all friends again, and Yasmins "Bubbie" is the mother from my big fat greek wedding, and she loves chocolate and gives yasmin shoes for chocolate.

and now there is auditions for the talent show...oh, and did you know that Dylan is totally into Yasmin because he never looks her in the eye, talks to her or remembers her name? um.. maybe because he's too busy reading your lips to look you in the eyes, sounds like a retard when he talks and can't fucking pronounce your name because he's DEAF?!?! did you ever think of that, chica?

um okay, now everyone is staring at them because they're all eating lunch together and apparently that is a sin (because of all the clicks)

oh shit now a jock and a nerd are fighting over Jade and the nerd knows fucking kong fu or something. yasmins little brother is hitting on some little girl. i mean LITTLE GIRL, like ten.

now they are shopping for a party and cloe feels bad because he's not rich and can't afford anything.

and now there is a clothing Montague and i think i'm going to kill myself.

and now they aren't going to the party because they need to be in clicks to get in but they refuse to sit in cliques. puh-lease. just sit with eachother when you get there, duh.

Ooooooooooooooo now Yasmin and Dylan are talking and dylan felt her sing thru the speaker. gay. and she can't even sing that well and Dylan speaks way too well for a deaf person.

now Cloe's mom has a fever and is cooking for something and cloe sent her to bed and now the four of them are cooking for her and making crazy shit and here's another Montague and cloe's mom has a lazy eye and now they have to be servers at the party they didn't want to go to.

and now Jade ramade their serving outfits into harajuku-like costumes that aren't even made out of the same fabric.

umm... and now the girl who is throwing the party is singing some song called fabulous and is motioning at her crotch...umm is her twat fabulous? it's actually catchy and i'll probably have it on my ipod later.

oh and Anneliese van der Pol is in this playing a teenager even though she's like 26.

and now yasmin is being forced on the stage to sing even though she's got real bad stage fright. is she going to do it? noooo! she ran off! boo who!

and now the deaf guy is standing up for her. this movie is soo bad. now there's spanish music playing...nope sorry, the girl shut the movie off and did a costume change and now the music is back on.

now Yasmin spilled food on the deaf guy and OMG i think he's going to kiss her...nope tease.

now the girl who is throwing the party fell into her cake and then the pool. oh no.

Ooooo!!!! she called them bratz!!! daaaayum!

back to school: now everyone hates them because they don't sit with clicks anymore.

Oooo now they are a music group called...wait for it...BRATZ!!!!!! ahh! and they're gonna win the talent show...or so they think.

another music Montague.

now that girl who threw the party is threatening yasmin to drop out of the talent show because she has dirt on cloe's mom...dun dun dun!!!

god, cloe kind of looks (and sounds) like she has down syndrome.

now everyone hates yasmin because she dropped out of the show...even the deaf guy.

now yasmin is crying on her big fat spanish mother and they all are talking to cloe's mom who has a lazy eye but apparently knows yasmin better than the other girls do.

now yasmin is going to tell them why she dropped out of the show...

now it's the show. will the BRATZ be there?!?!?!

exorcise? yeah i got enough exorcise. just pushing my luck. <-- joke from the movie.

now another catchy song *taps foot* OMG! BRATZ CAR!!

"the show is over, with a capital over" <-- actual quote from the movie.

oh shit! the BRATZ are huuuuurrr!!!!!

now they're singing "brattitude" *eye roll* which is AWFUL!


i guess Yasmin is over her stage fright?

Oh look, they won now Cloe can go to college because apparently she's too poor to afford clothes, but not poor enough for financial aid?

Okay, now it's over. THANK GOD!

go rent it.