So, for the fourth time in the past ten days I went to the movies. Tonight I saw Friday the 13th with Rebecca, whom I Haven’t seen in forever. Not only was an ex-Disney star in this movie, but Willa Ford, that girl who sang “I wanna be bad” like a million years ago showed off her extremely perky tits in this remake. When I saw the trailer for the first time, I thought to myself “WTF? In the first Friday the 13th, Jason wasn’t the killer, and in the second, he didn’t have the hockey mask”, but the movie somehow fit the first two movies into it and made sense. So technically this is the remake of Friday the 13th 3-D (because the third one was in 3-D back in the day). Speaking of which, There is one scene when two of the characters go into a cabin and the guy says “Look at this stuff, it’s like it’s from another century” Um…asshole, you’re what? 20 something? You should know that that stuff is from the 80’s, when the first killings take place. Seriously?
The movie starts off showing how Jason’s’ mother goes crazy because her baby, Jason drowned in the lake. She goes on a rampage and kills all the kids in the camp except one. That girl kills the mother, and “gets away” or does she? Eight year old Jason witnesses his mothers murder and goes after the girl. Needless to say the girl probably dies.
We then are introduced to five new characters: A group of kids (two couples and one nerdy single guy) who are on a hunt for some weed plantation near the lake. Figures. They get lost and find a field to camp out in and will continue their journey in the morning. It gets dark and a couple (some dark haired guy and um..Whitney) go for a walk. The single guy and the other couple are left drinking and laughing. The couple eventually goes into their tent for a fuck fest but hears something. They think they hear the single guy (who is already killed) jerking off to them while they fight over who is going to cum first. Eventually the girl dies (a pretty different way for a Jason movie) and the guy gets his foot stuck in a bear trap.
The first couple, who went off for a walk find Jason’s old cabin from the camp and a locket that was owned by Jason’s mother (Whitney keeps it) and are eventually found by Jason himself (they kept the cool scene from the second movie where they find Jason’s shrine of his mother). The guy gets killed, but the girl gets away and runs back to the campsite to get her friends, where she finds one dead, one missing, and the other stuck in a bear trap. As she tries to get him out, Jason kills him, and the scene ends with him grabbing her.
Then, fifteen minutes into the movie “Friday the 13th” flashes on the screen and the movie actually begins.
We are introduced to a set of new characters: Jenna (the ex-Disney star), her ass hole Boyfriend Trent, the two dumb blondes Bree and Chelsea, Bree’s boyfriend Nolan, the token Black guy, Lawrence, and the high-all-the-time Asian, Chewie. They are at a gas station where they run into a guy, Clay who is on the hunt to find his sister (Whitney) who has been missing for the past 6 weeks. Trent is rude to him, but Jenna takes a liking to him. The kids leave Clay behind and go to Trents parents summer house or something which is right next to the lake. They are staying there for the weekend.
There is a scene where Clay goes to a farm type of house and finds some hick grinding up wood in a machine. He asks is the guy has seen his sister but he hasn’t. Clay is off. The next scene is the hick guy hearing something in the attic and going to check on it. Mmmhmm you guessed it: Jason. This is where Jason finds the hockey mask.
Chelsea and Nolan go off to the other side of the lake where they steal Trents boat and are killed (topless of course). Clay shows up knocking on the door to ask whomever is in the house if they’ve seen his sister. Once Trent sees him he starts a fight. Jenna breaks them up and she sees Clay out of the house, where she volunteers to keep him company and they go off to the other side of the lake leaving the rest of the living friends behind to party.
The next scene is Jenna and Clay finding the camp, looking around, and seeing Jason carrying a dead body. They escape and go back to the house to warn the others
Back at the house The black and Asian kids (who shouldn’t even be in the movie, not to be mean, but they have no depth; they are basically there to fill the ethic quota) are getting high and drinking, watching Bree drunkenly dance and lift her shirt up. The Asian kid (Chewie) goes to talk to her, but falls over a chair and breaks it. Trent sends him to the shed to get tools to fix it, and he and Bree go upstairs. They are clearly going to have sex (Trent will be cheating on Jenna. Tisk tisk).
The next scene is Chewie walking around the shed drunk/stoned and fooling around with all the stuff in there. Jason finds him, kills him and then is off for his next victim.
Jenna and Clay make it back to the house, barging in on Lawrence about to jerk off to a magazine and start ranting about a killer they saw. Brother thinks they are trying to mess with him because he’s high. Jenna goes upstairs to get Trent and Bree, but they are too busy fucking to answer the door.. Trent instead tells her to shut up and go away while he is being filmed as Bree rides him. The entire scene Trent goes on and on about how perfect her breasts are, and how she has awesome nipple placement (seriously).
Like any serial killer, Jason looks on, and waits for them to cum before he goes on with his job. Trent and Bree go downstairs and are told what’s going on. Someone eventually calls the cops and the lights go off (typical). Lawrence grabs a pan and a ice pick thing and goes out to get Chewie because “his boy is out there”, but predicatively runs into Jason, puts up a fight, and gets killed leaving Jenna, Clay, Trent and Bree. Trent runs upstairs to get a gun that is hidden somewhere. Bree runs after him, and being the dumb blonde (with perfect nipple placement) gets lost on the way and goes into another room, where she is hung on a coat rack by Jason and killed.
The door bell rings and everyone tenses up. The cop finally arrives, and just as they are about to open the door for him, Jason sticks a stick in his eye. They scream and run upstairs. They somehow find their way outside and run to the cop car, but the keys are missing. Jason still in the house picks up Bree’s body and throws it out a window on the car. Trent has the highest scream and the three of them run; Jenna and Clay in one direction and Trent in another.
Trent drops the gun in a stream which he falls into, and can’t find it. He runs off, and stumbles onto the street, where a truck almost hits him. The truck stops and the man in it waves Trent to come to the window. Trent hesitates. Jason somehow gets behind him, kills him and throws him onto the back of the truck. The driver, scared, drives off.
Now there are only two characters left; Jenna and Clay (the two most attractive, and most famous). They find a secret doorway in the floorboard of one of the cabins and are taken into a underground house thingy. In one of the rooms they stumble upon Clays sister, Whitney who was for some reason not killed, and still looks the same from six weeks ago (I guess Jason was feeding and watering her). They rescue her but hear Jason come down the trapdoor. They run into a dead end but find a way out. Clay goes first, then pulls Whitney up. Jenna is halfway through the entry when Jason sticks his machete in her back, killing her. The two run off but Jason eventually finds them and they put up a fight.
They next scene is the siblings running into the farm house that Clay went to in another scene. Whitney hides, and Jason finds Clay. They somehow turn the grinding machine on and Clays head is *this close* to the blades when Whitney pulls the locket out and talks to Jason, telling him everything will be okay. Jason drops Clay and he finds a bear trap and instead of putting it on his head he throws it onto his back -_-. Clay then takes a chain and wraps it around Jason’s neck and Whitney throws the rest of the chain in the grinding machine, which drags Jason into it. He fights and the machine stops. Whitney takes the machete, which fell in the ground, and once again: instead of putting it through his head, stabs in in the chest. We all think Jason is dead.
The next scene is of Whitney and Clay by the dock. At first you think that they are just sitting there, taking in everything and being happy they are alive, but no. Clay had Jason’s body and throws it in the lake. The two then just stand there and watch it sink. Whitney throws in the locket and we watch it sink as well. They are about to leave when dun dun dun! Jason pops up out of the water and grabs them. Shocker. Do I hear sequel anyone?
Overall I think it was a good movie. It wasn’t the best, but it kept you on your toes. I liked how the main character was switched around.( The only other movie I saw that in was The Grudge 2). The only thing is I want to know how they describe the characters on the list when the actors go to audition. I can just see it:
Friday the 13th. Remake-
Need the following:
Jenna: twenty year old. Pretty. Dating a stupid, cheating ass hole. Looking for a pretty popular star to play female character who has no sex scene. Will pay the most.
Trent: ass hole.
Clay: looking for an actor who is basically eye candy, who will pick up the slack from the other ugly cast members.
Nolan: Has maybe three lines. Looking for an actor who doesn’t have to think.
Chelsea: Dumb blonde #1. Dies topless. Washed up singer will be ideal for part.
Bree: Chelsea’s friend. Dumb blonde #2. Thinks that by screaming, everything will go away. Also, Perfect nipple placement is mandatory.
Lawrence: Any Black guy will do.
Chewie: No matter how hard you try, the Asian character never gets laid. Any Asian will do.